This Week in Milford

April 19, 2007

Hmmmm, Satchel Paige is that dog in “Get Fuzzy,” right?

Filed under: baseball, Coach Kaz, Fat Guys, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — jasbeattie @ 8:37 am

20070419csgtp-a-p.jpg

Ah good ol’ “Gil Thorp”…you did it again! Rather than actually have the character explain that he was a Negro League player, you fast forward just to have the stupid teens at the Bucket discuss hearing about it.

At least it’s been clarified that the Tyler Jay semi-clone is actually “Jimmy Hughes, boy retard!”

Ways to differentiate between the two:
Tyler: One little fruity forehead curl.
Jimmy: Wad of mashed dreadlock lump of nastiness stuck to forehead.

Tyler: Locked up in the crazy house. 
Jimmy:
Locked into second base.

Tyler: Stupid, but that may just be due to his insane history of bashing himself in the head.
Jimmy: Street-stupid, Book-stupid, stupid-stupid.
“Hey Jimmy, have you heard of Abe Lincoln?”
“Do you mean a Lincoln Continental?”
“No Jimmy. How about Jackie Robinson?”
“She was in Meet the Robinsons, right?”

Meanwhile, Rick Bozich is well on his way to being the fattest infielder since Brent Raptor. He’s in an obvious food coma after licking his plate clean and ingesting his fork and napkin.

And now a Milford fashion alert…The new style of fatties and morons alike: The collared choke-neck shirt! Whether you just button it all the way to the top or choose a mysterious shirt with a collar but no buttons…nothing beats the collared choke-neck shirt! Buy yours today!*

…and on to the part of the season where Kaz and Gil spend 30 seconds throwing together a line-up before heading back to the bar:

“Let’s see…Tubby will be at third. That’s close enough to being off the field, right? Hopefully he won’t get into any situation which will require running, throwing, catching or standing upright for more than a few minutes at a time. Ted Pearse will play shortstop, until he realizes he can’t handle the pressure and starts crying again. (We’ll have one strip in late May mentioning that plot point, but then don’t expect to hear from him again until football season.) Jimmy at second will fulfill our Special Olympics obligations. And then we have the never-seen but occasionally mentioned John Wisely…as in ‘John wisely decides to never appear in this travesty of a comic strip’. We seem to have cut everyone else. Oh wait, it appears a magical old white negro man will be roaming the outfield, dispensing odd advice and rambling stories. Sounds good to me. Wait…did you remember what I just said? I ran out of room on my post-it note line-up card.”
“I missed everything after the word ‘Tubby’.”
“No matter. Just stick what I’ve got to the dugout and let’s get the hell out of here. We’re cutting into valuable drinkin’ time!”

*If you’re a fatty or a moron.

11 Comments »

  1. Why couldn’t we have gotten this treatment when Stormy Hicks was making his big locker-room speech? I figured Clams Freshenbaker would be talking about baseball’s integration for at least the whole week, but we just flash forward instead. I’m now hoping that Pops is never again seen, heard, mentioned, or in any way acknowledged in the strip. Because that would mean that his whole purpose was an off-panel tribute to Jackie Robinson that didn’t even take place on MLB’s Jackie Robinson Day. It’s so perfectly fitting for this strip.

    I’m also hoping for some kind of 3-way stupidity competition between Tyler Jay, Jimmy Hughes, and Jim “These arm angles are too darned technical” Gross.

    And what the hell happened to Coach Kaz in panel 3? Has his tapeworm been working overtime or something? And why are both he and Gil looking at the lineup with their eyes closed? Is this collection of players so bad that the coaches can’t even bear to look at all of their names on the same page?

    Comment by Cash — April 19, 2007 @ 10:50 am

  2. wait… Mr. McFeeley Yancey Clambake (or whatever his name is) is supposed to be black? How did he avoid the crosshatch treatment that other black characters get in this strip?

    Comment by Tim Goral — April 19, 2007 @ 11:52 am

  3. If Otha Clambake Yancey made a cameo in the baseball season, will Yancey Thigpen show up on the first day of football season?

    Comment by Tim parry — April 19, 2007 @ 2:22 pm

  4. Friday 4/20: Once again, I’m suffering from GT-induced whiplash. First we introduce and abandon the tennis player turned softball star (I know, she’ll reappear just when we’ve all but forgotten who the hell she is)… then we have the aborted Saga of Clambake… now, after all that spring practice, in a handful of frames we unveil the entire starting lineup and get the regular season started. Yikes. Gil and Kaz really did want to get back to the bar, or the Y, or both in sequence. (Guy with an earring starts lookin’ pretty good after a few beers, y’know.)

    I’m also glad to see that Neal Rubin is a believer in Moneyball: “John wisely walks…” See, he’s endorsing high OBA and patience at the plate.

    Oh, stop. I know it’s “John Wisely.”

    And I don’t know about Elmer Vargas, but “Mike Bouchard,” in addition to being a high school outfielder, is also a prominent figure in Michigan politics. Republican nominee for US Senate last year. Got butt kicked by Dem incumbent Debbie Stabenow.

    Comment by johnw — April 20, 2007 @ 12:03 pm

  5. In Panel 3 on 4/21 it looks like a random Mudlark is mugging for the camera.

    Comment by Ennui Willie Keeler — April 21, 2007 @ 4:17 am

  6. If I know GT like I think I do, we’ll see Otha again, probably in recycled panels explained away as “flashbacks.”

    Panel 1:
    Jimmy: “Hi, I’m Jimmy.”
    Girl: [mildly repulsed] “…Hi.”
    Panel 2 (Flashback!)
    Otha: Pick a hole and just keep swinging!
    Panel 3:
    Jimmy: “Can I buy you a drink?”

    -sam

    Comment by sam — April 21, 2007 @ 8:43 am

  7. Ya know, in panel 2 of 4/19′s strip it looks like Grant is sporting Elvis mutton chops. An d we all know that Elvis’s career went downhill after Clambake.

    Comment by Ennui Willie Keeler — April 21, 2007 @ 9:07 pm

  8. Rick actually looks like a normal guy with a double-chin to me.

    Comment by Rebecca — April 22, 2007 @ 1:54 pm

  9. [...] AND knows how to use a search engine!) utterly baffled. It’s also pissed off Jimmy Hughes, (boy retard!) and made some unidentified 40-year-old man soil himself out of fear and confusion. Now [...]

    Pingback by On a Wing-T and a prayer « This Week in Milford — November 13, 2007 @ 11:22 am

  10. [...] to figure out which one. (They’re all trouble, of course.) Hairstyle is straight out of the Jimmy Hughes-Tyler Jay school of greasy forehead curl. I don’t think any actual human has had this hairstyle since [...]

    Pingback by EMS: Excessive Milford Stupidity « This Week in Milford — December 27, 2007 @ 10:25 am

  11. [...] the entire starting line-up is announced? Nah, me neither. At least last year it was split up into two parts. Though there’s no mention of the catcher (Please be Cully, please be Cully!), or whiny [...]

    Pingback by Ladies and Gentlemen, Your 2008 Mudlarkzzzzz « This Week in Milford — April 22, 2008 @ 10:02 am


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