Ah good ol’ “Gil Thorp”…you did it again! Rather than actually have the character explain that he was a Negro League player, you fast forward just to have the stupid teens at the Bucket discuss hearing about it.
At least it’s been clarified that the Tyler Jay semi-clone is actually “Jimmy Hughes, boy retard!”
Ways to differentiate between the two:
Tyler: One little fruity forehead curl.
Jimmy: Wad of mashed dreadlock lump of nastiness stuck to forehead.
Tyler: Locked up in the crazy house.
Jimmy: Locked into second base.
Tyler: Stupid, but that may just be due to his insane history of bashing himself in the head.
Jimmy: Street-stupid, Book-stupid, stupid-stupid.
“Hey Jimmy, have you heard of Abe Lincoln?”
“Do you mean a Lincoln Continental?”
“No Jimmy. How about Jackie Robinson?”
“She was in Meet the Robinsons, right?”
Meanwhile, Rick Bozich is well on his way to being the fattest infielder since Brent Raptor. He’s in an obvious food coma after licking his plate clean and ingesting his fork and napkin.
And now a Milford fashion alert…The new style of fatties and morons alike: The collared choke-neck shirt! Whether you just button it all the way to the top or choose a mysterious shirt with a collar but no buttons…nothing beats the collared choke-neck shirt! Buy yours today!*
…and on to the part of the season where Kaz and Gil spend 30 seconds throwing together a line-up before heading back to the bar:
“Let’s see…Tubby will be at third. That’s close enough to being off the field, right? Hopefully he won’t get into any situation which will require running, throwing, catching or standing upright for more than a few minutes at a time. Ted Pearse will play shortstop, until he realizes he can’t handle the pressure and starts crying again. (We’ll have one strip in late May mentioning that plot point, but then don’t expect to hear from him again until football season.) Jimmy at second will fulfill our Special Olympics obligations. And then we have the never-seen but occasionally mentioned John Wisely…as in ‘John wisely decides to never appear in this travesty of a comic strip’. We seem to have cut everyone else. Oh wait, it appears a magical old white negro man will be roaming the outfield, dispensing odd advice and rambling stories. Sounds good to me. Wait…did you remember what I just said? I ran out of room on my post-it note line-up card.”
“I missed everything after the word ‘Tubby’.”
“No matter. Just stick what I’ve got to the dugout and let’s get the hell out of here. We’re cutting into valuable drinkin’ time!”
*If you’re a fatty or a moron.