We now cut away from the impending doom of a creepy old bald man in order to bring you continued boredom of some creepy young bald girls.
From the “Sad but True” Files: It’s probably a good thing that nobody besides Lisa and Brynna shaved their heads completely…otherwise there would be absolutely no way to tell the characters apart unless they wore name-tags. And do they really need to go hang out at the Bucket (I presume that’s the only place in town who sells those exciting cups of soda…) in all their bald glory? I wish they’d put on hats or crazy mullet wigs or something. Not that I have a problem with bald chicks in general, but their creepy Milford zombie demeanor combined with no hair conjures up all sorts of unpleasant memories that nobody wants to remember (i.e the Holocaust, 1990s-era Sinead O’Connor, Alien 3…)
So I guess having two bald players and several players with very short hair makes the team play better? It just goes to show what a slow news town Milford is to have not only covered this “story” intensely in both media outlets (the newspaper and the “Loboto-Marty Moon radio show!”), but to have even given the team a new dumb-ass name. I’ll be calling them the “Bald-larks” and just hitting snooze ’til they get around to resolving the “Clambake drives off Aldo Kelrast cliff” story. Thanks.
If Otha “Clambake” Yancey drove off Aldo Kelrast cliff, we’d have a perfect storm of bizarre names.
Comment by Scott de B. — June 21, 2007 @ 11:37 am
How exactly does the Milford Star go about covering the story? If Mimi had actually had cancer, it would have been easy to write the story because it’s been done before and it’s a win-win because the team looks heroic and it’s uplifting and the media consuming public eats it up with a spoon.
However, how do you write this story? Player eavesdrops on coach’s personal phonecall, jumps to wild conclusion, shares foolish speculation with rest of team, prompting mentally unstable teammate to act stupidly. Oh yeah, stop the presses!
But since they did cover the story, this leads me to conclude that a few times each winter, the Star runs a story with a headline like “Local Youth Has Tongue Frozen To Flagpole, Was Led To Believe Pole Tasted Like Chocolate”
Comment by Ned Ryerson — June 21, 2007 @ 11:51 am
So Helen Marzano, intrepid reporter for the high school newspaper, is reading the local daily’s story about the team? As opposed to spreading the word in her own rag? Perhaps, as an ethical journalist, she recused herself from the story. Or, more likely, Neal Rubin has completely forgotten that she’s the co-editor of the student paper.
And I thought that all the girls cut their hair really short. Apparently Helen just couldn’t live without her ponytail and side-flips. Or perhaps, as an ethical journalist, she recused herself from the exercise.
Comment by johnw — June 21, 2007 @ 3:18 pm
School year is over, so there is no student newspaper now. Looks
like about 1 more week of base/softball. Thank goodness.
Comment by Rob — June 21, 2007 @ 5:25 pm
too bad the vacant, soulless lives of the residents of Milford continues year-round…
perhaps a 4th of July clambake is in order…
Comment by Mrs "Clambake" Yancey — June 21, 2007 @ 9:03 pm
Ugh, you nailed it. After Pop gets injured/dies in a horrible chainsaw/driving accident, the whole town will throw a clambake party in his honor. I see it now.
Comment by Scott de B. — June 22, 2007 @ 4:30 am
Clambake Yancey anagrams into “Aback! Lacy enemy.”
Comment by Ennui Willie Keeler — June 22, 2007 @ 5:00 am
So I spend a couple weeks on vacation, and this is all I miss? Brynna switches to a more conventional alien head-morph, Lisa shaves her head, some of the dudes on the softball team decide to ditch their pretty-boy long hair, Paris the Hutt gets even fatter (soon she’ll take up the whole panel), Gil is either a vampire or wears way too much make-up, and Marty Moon appears to have stopped trimming his goatee.
Actually, now that I read it all back, that’s fairly decent.
Comment by Cash — June 22, 2007 @ 8:58 am