…and the winner of yesterday’s Super Lame Cully Killer Contest is: TCM! By changing his prediction to “something to do with… BACKYARD WRESTLING!!!!” this morning, after today’s comic had been posted, he got the closest to the right answer. (Hey, when “nothing” is the prize, you gotta take whatever advantages you can. I never said “Entries must be received one minute before they post Friday’s comic, ” did I?) Kudos to all entrants though! There were many suggestions I would have preferred to see played out, as opposed to what appears to be the actual plotline.
Of course, backyard wrestling isn’t entirely accurate. In actuality, Cully Vale was in Eugene, Oregon’s world-renowned Low Security Institution for Hulking Mentally Incapacitated Man-Boys. After he accidentally threw fellow inmate Jarrod into a pointy narration box, piercing most of his vital and not-so-vital organs, Cully got scared and dropped him. He attempted to flee, but after barreling through the electrified wood fence, Cully only made it about a block before he flipped over and couldn’t get up again, due to the weight of his giant head. (Imagine a turtle on its back.)
The D.A., still all liquored up and having recently relocated from Texas, decided it made sense to charge the hulking mentally incapacitated man-boy with fifth degree wrestling murder. By the time he’d sobered up and realized there is no such thing as “fifth-degree wrestling murder,” Cully had been mistaken for an escaped gorilla and shipped off to the Milford Zoo. And due to a shipping error, he was instead delivered to Milford High School, where he fit right in. And that’s how we got to where we are today.
And finally, panel three brain-buster of the day: Is it a GIANT GLOWING M or an M-SHAPED HOLE?
A peek into my home life – as we were getting into bed last night, I mentioned to my girlfriend that it was revealed Cully killed someone in a backyward wrestling accident. Her sleepy reply? “Gil Thorp – ripped from the headlines ten years ago!” (yeah I know, we’re a musy pair.)
As for the third panel, I think Frank finally read one of those Sin City comics that everyone’s always talking about.
Comment by Matt Ramone — October 12, 2007 @ 10:38 am
Errr, “mushy.”
Comment by Matt Ramone — October 12, 2007 @ 10:38 am
That field goal post seems awfully close to the fence. What, do they have a field that’s 20 yards wide?
Comment by Ian — October 12, 2007 @ 10:44 am
I’ve got to go with glowing M in the third panel, because if it were a hole, we could see how Gil is reeling out the chain link fence behind him as he walks (complete with planters to pretty things up).
Comment by KarenD — October 12, 2007 @ 10:44 am
Oh, look: in the pre-accident age, Cully smile! Cully enjoy life! Cully laugh, make jokes! (Usually involving physical mayhem and/or loud farts!)
I don’t care how strong he is… Cully would break his back if he held someone above and behind his head like that. He’d snap in two, the wrong way.
The mysterious “M”? That’s the “Phosphorescent Letter Jacket” from this fall’s Milford Catalog O’ Varsity Stuff! Impress the girls, even when the lights are low, with your glow-in-the-dark block “M”!
Comment by johnw — October 12, 2007 @ 10:44 am
In keeping with the Oregon theme, maybe the phosphorescent M is a shout-out to the Oregon Ducks’ glow-in-the-dark uniforms.
Also, Jason, I personally think any strip featuring Cully’s massive skull deserves the “Milford Weirdos” tag.
Comment by sourbelly — October 12, 2007 @ 10:55 am
Panel 1: Is Gil walking 10 feet behind Cully as they talk, or has he been shrunk? And yowza, is Cully’s head big! At least yesterday his frame was finally drawn to match the head, but not today. That noggin could house a small family!
Panel 2: I thoroughly love Cully’s contented smile as he hoists his buddy above his head, just moments before becoming a killer. Truly outstanding.
Panel 3: First of all, I’m definitely going with giant glowing M. I think that’s a new item in the Milford Catalog o’ Varsity Wear – iridescent letterman jackets. And secondly, what the hell is going on here? I was going to go on a rant about how unlikely this scenario is, but then I decided to look up Oregon state law on juveniles tried as adults (because apparently, my life is just that bankrupt), and I found some relevant info. The two best tidbits:
“All juvenile cases are tried before a judge or referee.”
“In some cases, a juvenile age 15 or older will automatically be transferred to adult court for disposition. Offenses requiring transfer to adult court include murder, manslaughter, some assaults, kidnapping, rape and sodomy.”
So it’s actually somewhat plausible that the D.A. would determine that this was manslaughter (huh, that also parses as Man’s Laughter), in which case Cully would automatically be tried as an adult. He obviously beat the rap, or he’d still be in prison now. I’m not sure how he would’ve fared in a referee-led juvie trial, though. Those zebras tend to be real hardcases.
Comment by Cash — October 12, 2007 @ 10:57 am
Damnit, johnw, you’ve beaten me to the punch again! One of these days, I’m going to give you a fallaway slam!
Comment by Cash — October 12, 2007 @ 10:59 am
The phosphorescent “M” is there to remind us these are “Milford” people, (as opposed to say, Valley Tech). Rubin and McLaughlin assume we readers have IQ’s similar to Cully’s.
Comment by Gil'sBarber — October 12, 2007 @ 11:11 am
Thank you, thank you all for making this the best day of my life! I shall take nothing, and make the most of it.
And remember- if you don’t cheat, you’re not trying.
Comment by TCM — October 12, 2007 @ 11:56 am
So of course our Valley Tech pranksters are going to get wind of this Cully Vale and start plastering the school with fun little wrestling-themed slogans.
“Cully 3:16 says I just killed your best friend.”
“Limousine ridin’, jet flying, kiss stealin’, wheelin’ dealing, murdering son of a gun.”
“Cully killed Owen Hart.”
“But seriously… Tony Casey? More like PHONY Casey.”
Et cetera.
It’s all going to end when Cully flies in a rage and kills the pranksters, so it’s all good.
Comment by El Santo — October 12, 2007 @ 12:02 pm
Cash: If I often beat you to a juicy comment, it probably just means I’m more work-avoidant than you are. Plus, I prefer to think of it as “great minds think alike.”
Comment by johnw — October 12, 2007 @ 12:04 pm
I vote for “glowing M,” applied to the jacket by Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp because Gil sometimes has trouble finding his way home from PUB in the dark.
Comment by jules — October 12, 2007 @ 12:06 pm
As a pro wrestling aficianado from 1981 to 1996, when wrestling became fake, I have never heard of a fallaway slam. Sounds like a wimpy way to off someone. Why didn’t he piledrive the kid? Or leave the sleeper hold on longer than necessary, thereby cutting off all blood to the carotid artery for an extended period of time? Or a swinging neckbreaker? Gourdbuster? Slingshot suplex?
A fallaway slam?? Must’ve been a popular wrestling move in the 50′s or something. Either way, it adds little to this snoozefest of a plot.
Comment by southmauldin — October 12, 2007 @ 12:27 pm
So, Jason, your comments on Eugene leads me to believe that you are an Oregon State fan. I approve of this. Go Beavers!
Comment by Wikitorix — October 12, 2007 @ 12:39 pm
Sourbelly: Technically Cully is an Oregon Weirdo. I don’t appear to have a tag for that. Maybe I’ll file it under “Exploding Mailboxes”
El Santo: Nice idea, but those Valley Tech guys aren’t all that clever. The best taunt they have done so far is “17-14. See you later.” But maybe they will write “[score of next game here], We know what that guy did last summer. Please don’t kill us.” Just as long as they eventually end up in the morgue, we’ll all be happy, right?
Wikitorix: You can pretend that I’m an Oregon State fan…Though the secret truth is I just think the name “Eugene, Oregon” is hilarious. But I do highly approve of a school that has a beaver for a mascot. What happens when a beaver battles a duck? (We might have to consult Mark Trail for that answer.)
Comment by jasbeattie — October 12, 2007 @ 1:01 pm
I’ll go with the glowing M. Perhaps Gil sold his soul to some third party. Too bad his teams still suck.
Comment by Catbus — October 12, 2007 @ 1:02 pm
That glowing M has creeped me out all day.
So when’s the strip where Gil and Cully walk back into school, who all know about the death by now, and they all make fun of him causing him to bolt as tears stream from his cheeks? I’m betting Wednesday.
Comment by Tony — October 12, 2007 @ 1:56 pm
I think the glowing M is for when Gil is staggering back from PUB, he doesn’t get hit by a driver when he staggers into the street.
Like #14, I was a fan of wrestling for 20 years. (I won’t give the years, because it’ll give away my age!) Anyway, I never heard of a fallaway slam. What it appears Frankencully is doing is either 1) A Gorilla press or 2) A backbreaker. How wrong did klutzy Jarrod fall? Cullystein must have gave him a piledriver after the fallaway slam.
The reason he was tried as an adult is because he hasn’t been a teenager since Clinton was President. Does anyone believe that this big gorilla/monster is a teenager?
And is Gil shrinking or is Cully getting progressively taller? (I think he may be Andre the Giant’s illegitimate son!)
Comment by Regina — October 12, 2007 @ 2:00 pm
The serene look on Cully’s face in panel two demonstrates that through amateur wrestling he achieved a state of Nirvana.
Until the DA took it all away.
Comment by neil — October 12, 2007 @ 2:11 pm
#14 and #19, the fallaway slam is as of this moment item 9.8 on the list of professional wrestling throws in Wikipedia. Are you saying I should not trust Wikipedia even though, just like Tony and LG Howard Fakeglassesowitz, I used Google to find it?
Comment by KarenD — October 12, 2007 @ 2:24 pm
Cully Vale has a posse. He also has Mandy Graham’s hair.
Comment by Ennui Willie Keeler — October 13, 2007 @ 9:52 pm
Memo1
Comment by Josh — October 18, 2007 @ 2:56 pm