Junior Miss Swan: Hi tall lady! So Andrew never keeps the sweatshop open past 2AM, and he lets us wallow in the gruel trough in the basement, rather than having to eat dinner with him upstairs, sitting on real furniture!
Curley-Horse: Hey small fry, this isn’t Child Services, so you can knock off the rehearsed lines.
Junior Miss Swan: Oh thank God. Can you hand me the flask up on the top shelf there? These wretched paintings make me want to drink heavily.
Curley-Horse: Just shut up and go unchain your brother, it’s time for his daily pee break in the yard.
Stalker McGee: So hey, I conveniently already knew your Dad is off somewhere and just never mentioned it to anyone else. Is he still on tour with Cirque de Soleil as a trouser crotch stuffer?
Curley-Horse: He got promoted to Senior Jocque Strap Launderer, but yeah he’s out with them.
Stalker McGee: And his unstable fourth wife? I pegged her for a keeper when I saw her in those bootleg Internet videos.
Curley-Horse:Yeah, she left. But she was thoughtful enough to leave behind one of those fake ATM cards that say “Your Name Here” and a piece of paper with my name on it. She also left her crystal ball behind.
Stalker McGee: So what have you done for money?
Curley-Horse: What anyone would do…I kidnapped local children and forced them to start fires and commit acts of vandalism, which I then video-taped and sold to the local media.
Stalker McGee: Ah, it all makes sense now. But why are you suddenly so less ugly? I find myself attracted to you again.
Curley-Horse: New artist, baby! I bought him with all my extra cash. Now let me lock the kids in their kennel and I’ll escort you to my bedroom…
Huh. A-Train suddenly looks like Jim Nabors now.
Comment by El Santo — February 26, 2008 @ 10:33 am
Evil stepmother left “a few months ago” and Curley’s just now starting to learn to cook? Jason, you must be right about the gruel.
Comment by Gil'sBarber — February 26, 2008 @ 10:53 am
I just can’t see “future fourth ex-wife” as the type to leave a ATM card linked to a real bank account. Or a note. Wouldn’t she just scrawl “so long, suckers” in lipstick on the mirror?
Comment by laura — February 26, 2008 @ 11:02 am
All this, of course, ignores the fact that Andrew was first introduced to us as the most conceited student at Milford High, a distinction that predates the departure of his stepmom. Although I suppose we’re going to be told that being an asshole is a natural human response to the complete lack of love, validation and support he’s gotten from his no-good father and his succession of trophy wives, and that young Curley is, deep down, an absolute prince.
On a completely different subject… do you suppose the paintings on the wall are Luanns?
Comment by johnw — February 26, 2008 @ 11:29 am
Oh, a crystal ball! Thank God. I thought Future Fourth Ex-Wife had left the ATM card and the note at the base of the toilet.
Comment by jules — February 26, 2008 @ 11:42 am
The crystal ball was left for him to figure out the PIN number.
Comment by Gil'sBarber — February 26, 2008 @ 11:43 am
4: They can’t afford genuine Luanns, those are cheap knock-offs.
Comment by B — February 26, 2008 @ 11:43 am
That little girl is getting smaller by the minute. I guess Roddy has already shrunk so small that he doesn’t even show up. Man, the handwriting on the note in panel 3 is bigger than the girl in panel 1.
Comment by Roy Gillen — February 26, 2008 @ 11:50 am
Jason, you are a genius! HAHAHAHAHA!
Comment by julienne — February 26, 2008 @ 12:06 pm
The painting on the left is so bad, they decided to hang it directly behind the lamp. Is anyone else wondering what happened to the rest of Maureen’s left arm?
Comment by thorpnotized — February 26, 2008 @ 12:16 pm
And of course that’s an ATM-brand ATM card. Accepted at PUB, GAS STATION, and many other fine locactions.
Comment by sourbelly — February 26, 2008 @ 12:57 pm
So, Andrew’s learning to cook, eh? I’m sure he’ll make his future first ex-wife very happy for a couple years.
Comment by Wikitorix — February 26, 2008 @ 1:36 pm
Andrew’s just learned how to boil a football. Next week: Oven roasted couch cushions.
Comment by El Santo — February 26, 2008 @ 1:42 pm
That must be the worst “Dear John” letter I’ve ever seen–a single word, “Andrew,” on a single piece of paper. How does he know she ddin’t step out for four months to get some smokes, he seems to infer a lot from one word.
Comment by ry — February 26, 2008 @ 2:03 pm
Who is CurleyHorse’s father…Mickey Rooney??? FOUR ex-wives…it’s apparent he met the last one at the Cirque de Solier where she was manning the fortune telling booth. (Hence the crystal ball left behind.)
In the first panel, I wish little Miss Swan would say to Stalker Magee ‘you look…you look…you looka like a man!”
When Curleyhorse said “Go help Roddy” I thought he wanted her to help Roddy Piper. Maybe she needs to help “Hot Rod” find a chair to bash over Staler Magee’s head.
I’m happy to see that Frank 2.0 is continuing the tradition of the “pantheon of mysterious objects” (i.e. the crystal ball.)
Comment by Regina — February 26, 2008 @ 3:25 pm
Well my stepmom left home when Jillian was three, and didn’t leave much for her or me….just this old Luann and an ATM card from BANK
Comment by JJ — February 26, 2008 @ 3:56 pm
My name is Andrew! How do you do! Now you gonna die!
Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — February 26, 2008 @ 6:44 pm
Andrew became a sympathetic character at the same time he became no longer so grotesque. That is unfair. If he was still that geekeous stickman from before it would be much easier to imagine him having a nefarious hand in his current situation.
Comment by ScooterAl — February 26, 2008 @ 6:59 pm
I hereby humbly request that some industrious soul more skilled in the art of photoshop than I am paste PaleoFrank’s Andrew’s head onto NeoFrank’s Andrew’s head, so we can still see him in all his emaciated, horse-faced glory. As he should be.
Comment by Zaq — February 26, 2008 @ 7:10 pm
Somebody in that house has an intimate relationship with the Lemon Pledge! Look at the shine on tables in panels 2 & 3.
As for panel 1, what is going on behind Curly Horse’s elbow? I’m guessing a fireplace but what is that blobby thing on the mantel? I can’t even come up with a wild ass guess.
Comment by Laura Jane — February 27, 2008 @ 6:04 am
Blobby thing on the mantel? A canister with the ashes of ex-wives 1 through 3.
Comment by KarenD — February 27, 2008 @ 8:59 am
I like to think that in the second panel, she’s proceeded to follow him into the bathroom and he’s “on the throne.”
Comment by O'Darwin — February 27, 2008 @ 7:46 pm