Elmer thwarts the King of the Douchebags

Yikes, I’ve heard of undressing someone with your eyes…but with your NOSE? But that seems to be Gil’s plan. Sure, you can tear through the vest with that beak of yours, Mister, but good luck unhooking her bra! (and watch out for those shoulder pads…I think Mimi has been looting football supplies from EQUIPMENT SHED.)

At least it’s good to see that Gil’s attempts to be more involved with his students have so far met with failure and cluelessness. Though if I had gone to a Rotary Club meeting and been forced to listen to some random idiot’s confusing comments about immigration, I’d be pretty brain-dead too*. And who’s to know what these crazy kids are up to these days anyway, what with their rappity-hop music and inter-web and all.

It turns out what these kids are up to is partying! Branden Zollar may have thought it a good idea to slam seven Natty Lights then talk some smack, but she realized almost too late that she shouldn’t talk smack to the douchebag with the sunglasses on his forehead and the popped collar (also known as “King of the Douchebags.”) Lucky for her, power hitter Elmer Vargas, also a jedi master, could resolve such situations with a simple wave of his flipper. (”This is not the drunk chick you’re looking for. Move along.”)

Too drunk to remember what happened that whole week, but vaguely aware that a mulletish flipper kid was following her around, Branden made friends with the creature called Elmer. And now that his father has been named “Local Businessman of the Year” for his tireless efforts to smuggle illegals into Milford, she wants to take it to the next level. But Elmer knows his dad wouldn’t approve of inter-species dating** so he has to put the brakes on.

*So, like I am already by talking about this crap ad nauseum every day.

**No, I don’t know what that even means either. But hey, I’m brain-dead, remember?