Unleash that slider or I’ll all but force you to the Bucket!

According to my in-depth calculations, at the speed this game is going it will be completed next Monday, and the Milford baseball season will likely conclude in 2011.

Forgettable Bill Hawkins does his best one-legged Bill Ritter contorted limbo impression to score the game’s first run. Lucky for him the opposing catcher never heard of the concept of fielding the throw in front of the plate rather than behind it.

But whoa, hold on…this game is moving way too fast! We better call time out! (Only Tyler Jay does his best to hide his dialogue in the corner of the panel where I completely missed it upon first reading.) I wondered why a nimrod who’s suffered so much self-inflicted brain damage would bother wearing all that catcher’s equipment. But pan back in the third panel and it becomes clearer: By court order, since he refused to stop beating himself with blunt objects, self-clubbin’ Tyler has had an entire catchers outfit fused directly to his body! And in the absence of Crazy Coach Clambake, Tyler has had to step up and become the wacky pitch advisor for the Mudlarks. Why not Gil, you ask? Because he’s still sitting in his vast basement, trying to figure out what that strange guy at the Rotary Club meant about amnesty for illegals. (“Damned getting involved with the students lives…Now I remembered why I stopped caring in the first place!”)