Facts learned from the Kalamazoo Kings official site:
- The actual logo is in fact a K sporting a giant wang sword. (Though Whigham has, er…enhanced the sword length for some reason.)
- Vice President/General Manager/Co-Owner of the team: Joe Rosenhagen.
- While there are no players under 21 on the team, looks like there’s no minimum age requirement to try out (If you’re under 18, you just need parental permission, kids!)
- There is an actual host family program. Not surprisingly, players may not make enough money to afford their own Kalamazoo-area bachelor pad.
Things I didn’t learn from the site, but Whigham must know:
- Joe Rosenhagen can’t afford to have his office floor mowed.
- Joe Rosenhagen has OCD and must keep all paper on his desk aligned at the same angle.
- Joe Rosenhagen has a spine shaped like a washboard.
- Joe Rosenhagen hires host families who don’t know the meaning of “personal space.” Luckily, neither does Mrs. Vargas, so El-Mullet should feel right at home.
Meanwhile, Jimmy’s dad has a theory that actually makes sense: The Detroit Tigers were Method Man high when they drafted a no-talent pinky-flapping retard like Jimmy.
Ah, a Neal Rubin specialty: random bits of conversation that make no sense whatsoever unless (a) you read the strip every single day, and (b) you take careful notes and refer back to them frequently. With a bit of care, the continuity could be so much smoother and more inviting to the casual reader.
But we lost that battle years ago. As for my Daily Snark, this living arrangement will surely drive the final nail in the coffin of Elmullet’s baseball career. After a couple weeks of starchy Midwestern cuisine, he’s gonna look like David Wells. Mmmm, mac “n cheese with weenie bits! Pig-in-the-blankets! Ham buns! And for your vegetable course: mashed potatoes!
Comment by johnw — July 24, 2008 @ 8:40 am
JohnW, don’t forget the tuna hotdish! Mrs. Hostfamily certainly won’t.
Panel 3 contains my favorite thing about Milford: a giant freak hand! Yaaay, giant freak hand!
And in Panel 1, the lawn-carpet is contagious; Elmullet has some growing out of his forehead.
Comment by jules — July 24, 2008 @ 8:59 am
Rosenhagen has abs shaped like a washboard as well.
The host family will stick tighter than the INS.
Under 18 also needs permission from their American Legion Post
commander.
Jimmy never lived up to standard set by his brother.
Comment by Gray — July 24, 2008 @ 9:08 am
Jules — Yeah! Tuna hotdish! Made with that most exotic of ingredients, Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup! Also the key ingredient in the Midwest’s favorite vegetable dish — green bean casserole! And the fruit course: Jello-Salad, preferably with miniature marshmallows.
Say… did Elmer get his mullet cut off?
Comment by johnw — July 24, 2008 @ 9:27 am
The “s” in “Kings” appears to be patterned after the Nazi SS “lightning bolt” pattern.
Comment by Richard — July 24, 2008 @ 9:30 am
Panel one is particularly disturbing today. Rosehagen works in a perspectiveless void and has infected Elmer with Melting Snappy Lobster Hands Syndrome.
This entire strip is just panel after panel of disturbing almost-but-not-quite hands.
Comment by gaucho — July 24, 2008 @ 9:59 am
Mmmmm, delicious posts so far. Suddenly, I’ve got a hankering for ham loaf.
Comment by sourbelly — July 24, 2008 @ 9:59 am
this was a really good update
Comment by Bryce — July 24, 2008 @ 10:00 am
I LOOOOVE ham loaf. Let’s not forget our favorite dessert – bars! (Jello with marshmallows is a SALAD.)
How nice. Elmullet meets his first ‘roid supplier, complete with creepy plastic pageboy hair.
Comment by julienne — July 24, 2008 @ 10:08 am
Looks like Elmullet will be boarding with Paul Williams – it’s a rainbow connection!
Comment by Sed — July 24, 2008 @ 10:29 am
In panel three: Jimmy seems to have confused the international sign language motion that serves s shorthand for “The Tigers like me! They really like me!” with the motion for “I’m not kiddin’ you bro’, they were THIS BIG! SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!”
Comment by Dr. "Eat More Cheddar and Drink More Pabst," aka Gil's Dietician — July 24, 2008 @ 11:34 am
I’m going to go ahead and call it: at some point, host family’s home is going to get broken into, everyone suspects Elmer (because he’s an illegal immigrant and all), and in the end we find out that it was someone else altogether (hopefully someone who looks suspiciously like Clambake). It ties together all the requisite Neal Rubin talking points: a heavy handed morality play, a happy ending despite the ridiculous hardships, and a dilemma that you only find on TGIF-style sitcoms.
Also, anyone else hoping Clambake IS actually working with the Kalamazoo Kings these days? Probably weaseled in for a job filled with fake Negro League references.
Comment by El Santo — July 24, 2008 @ 2:35 pm
It may interest you to know that the Tigers’ real 46th-round pick in this year’s draft is a catcher from Michigan State, not Elmer.
Using baseball-reference.com, I did a quick check of 46th-round draft picks; of the 200 or so in the 1990s, only six ever made the majors. So get that diploma, Jimmy!
Comment by RMc — July 24, 2008 @ 2:43 pm
I called the late round lameness. Check it!
A draft pick during rounds 1 through 10 should get through to Double A; round 11 – 20 might get to Double A. Anything below 20th and there is no realistic chance.
Maybe the Danbury Tigers still need a bench warmer for the summer.
As to the host family, wait until El Mullet finds out he will share his room with three other sketchy guys.
I like the idea of theft as a plot/theme for the summer, but I predict someone will steal from the players. Everyone will suspect El Mullet but it will turn out to be… Cliff Wrobek. Will Kaz get to investigate?
Comment by bevo — July 24, 2008 @ 2:55 pm
That’s a great idea, El Santo! I too am hoping they back Clambake and his fake Negro league stories!
I love Jimmy’s demoralizing dad..”They really didn’t want you that bad kid, you were 46th! Don’t flatter yourself, junior!”
I think that Bugsy was so drunk during his Huck Finn adventure that he meant to ship ElMullet to Detroit and Jimmy Hughes to the Kalamazoo Kings or maybe he meant to ship both losers to the Kings. I’m hoping he’ll call Gil and tell him he made a mistake and let God sort it out.
Comment by Regina — July 24, 2008 @ 3:57 pm
I dont think Albert Pujols got drafted early. Bob Brenly had a decent ML career and WASNT DRAFTED. Mark Grace I believe was way down there. I could look up Ryne Sandburg; Ill bet he was late round as well. RMc is confusing Jimmy with Elmer. Jimmy got drafted, not Elmer. Jimmy could do a Mark Prior and go to college, and re-enter the draft after college. Mark obviously benefited from playing college ball.
Comment by RobM — July 24, 2008 @ 4:04 pm
His draft position was higher – thats what I meant. The Yankees drafted him in the 17th round out of HS, then the Cubs drafted him in the 1st round. A marked increase in salary range. Hey Jimmy! Go to college!
Comment by RobM — July 24, 2008 @ 5:24 pm
Panel 2 [...we haven't done our job...]: I dunno, maybe Mrs. Hostfamily is really alluding to the fact that she’s gonna be smearing the ‘clear’ in the sheets and loading his mac ‘n cheese and tuna hotdish with Balco candy. It’s the only way anybody on that loserville team is gonna move up.
Comment by SemperFi4evr — July 24, 2008 @ 5:49 pm
Julienne: I’m wrong, you’re right — Jell-O is the salad course. Especially when they add celery bits along with the fruit and marshmallows.
I also remember eating scrapple in my west Michigan childhood. It’s usually thought of as a Philly specialty, but it is one of many econo-meats regularly served by the hardy, industrious, and cheap Dutch-American folk of that region.
Comment by johnw — July 25, 2008 @ 12:36 am
Well, be it salad or dessert, I demand that my Jell-O Ring with Marshmallows be bright green.
Comment by jules — July 25, 2008 @ 8:30 am
I prefer my Jell-O Ring to be neon red flavor laced with canned mandarin oranges.
Comment by sourbelly — July 25, 2008 @ 9:09 am
This morning on the local AM sports station, WDFN, they were auctioning off a golf outing with Neal Rubin during the 8 am hour. Imagine, I could have been with two of my friends and the man who pens these awesome strips for 18 holes of golf. I didn’t have a chance to bid, alas, and have been unable to determine the final bid amount from the station’s website.
Comment by johnwhorfin — July 25, 2008 @ 9:21 am