8/28/09
8/29/09
Because I guess I should give you all a place to complain about the end of this summer’s plotline (or really, the whole damn thing) here ya go. I gotta admit, they broke my snark on this one. As you’ve no doubt noticed recently, I just got nothin’ to say…This is just BAD.
Now, call it a wrap, Neal. Let’s start fresh Monday, please!
8/26/09
You know you’re doing poorly when a guy walks in off the street in his Farrah slacks and hits a home run off you. And hey look, Marty DeBong is a changed man now that he has a purpose in life! How heartwarmingly unrealistic…Well, I guess it’s at least as realistic as that giant freak hand and the mini-head fused to his shoulder.
8/27/09
Hey look, a coach drunker than Gil! That explains how he let a hobo kid pitch three innings. (Coach Branch didn’t even see any of the game. He just has a young hobo pitcher arm fetish.)
Looking for a silver lining? Well, it looks like this may be ending soon, so that’s something. Or if you’d rather, just hit the “Read a random post” button. You’re bound do get a comic and/or commentary more inspired than today. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go meet Coach Branch passed out in the gutter behind Taco King.
8/24/09
8/25/09
The clear winner of the recent “What’s the Crappiest Thing?” poll was “The fact that they taunted us with Coach Kaz, P.I. and the whole thing devolved into THIS abomination.” Yep, the unfulfilled tease is probably the worst crime currently going on.
And now it seems this whole sorry mess is starting to resemble last year at this time, where we learned that when you take an unprepared kid and put him in a game against much better talent, he’ll probably suck.
Since I can’t think of any good new lessons to be learned, why not just recycle some lessons from last summer?
First we learned the lesson: “Go to college, even if it’s a crappy imaginary college…because Lord knows it’s better than playing independent league baseball. Which is truly awful, but at least it’s better than living in Mexico. Stay in school, kids! Unless you’re Mexican, then skip school, but make a living selling smutty ‘Girls Gone Roadside’ DVDs to your college friends!”
Then we learned another valuable lesson: “Even if you give it your best effort, you probably suck, so you might as well get used to disappointment. It’s great how Gil can keep his nose clean and just make ol’ Coach Whatshisname do the dirty work of telling Elmer he’s been cut and will be sent back to Mexico on the next donkey out of town.”
And what did we learn today? That when all else fails, if recycling last year’s summer lameness is good enough for Neal, it’s good enough for me.
8/19/09
8/20/09
Hey look, Ted’s plan is to have the pitcher teach pitching! Goddamn brilliant, Ted.
Did you know that Delta (Δ), the symbol on the Local Hobo squad’s hats and shirts, in the world of finance measures the rate of change of option value with respect to changes in the underlying asset’s price. Delta is the first derivative of the value, V, of a portfolio of derivative securities on a single underlying instrument, S, with respect to the underlying instrument’s price.
Why am I telling you this? Well, I figured if you were into reading this comic lately, you were interested in totally boring crap. And now you’ve made it to the end of this post. Wow, what a glutton for punishment you are!
8/17/09
8/18/09
Hey, remember when the writing in this comic didn’t suck? Well yeah, I imagine you’ve probably forgotten that, based on this crap above. Luckily, if you want some old-school Berrill-era Thorpy goodness, another book is available!
Our friend Matt at Take Five Productions writes: “Twenty-five years ago we published our first Gil Thorp® collection celebrating Gil’s silver anniversary and this fall we will celebrate our own silver anniversary with our final Gil Thorp® collection Glory Daze: A Gil Thorp® Graphic Novel. Authored and illustrated by the late, great Jack Berrill, Glory Daze is the story of troubled teen Bitsy Twill and the struggles she faced as she traversed her bumpy road through Milford High School.
“When Jack introduced Bitsy to his readers back in the spring of 1988 he intended for her to be a temporary support character cast as the bad girl foil to straight-laced Abby Andrews, daughter of then Milford assistant coach Tod Andrews. Fortunately for us Jack became interested in Bitsy’s plight and made her the first character to be featured for an entire four-year arc at MHS. Along the way he presented an all-star cast that included Wally Lamb, Chip Jordan, Lenny Hull, Kyle Tatum, Lucas Cobb, Kenny McCord, Nick Austin, and Doug Wylie. These characters, with Bitsy as the common thread, combine to make Glory Daze unique among our Gil Thorp® books as the graphic novel format allows their tale to unfold in its entirety. Over half of the storylines in Glory Daze are being reprinted for the very first time and those receiving encore presentations benefit from the perspective provided by this format.”
For ordering information, download the order form now!
Also, I guess you can discuss the lame comics above if you are glutton for punishment. (Though I guess if you read this blog, that’s exactly what you are…)
Ted: Gee Gil, it was sure nice of you to take time out of your busy schedule of sitting on your ass all summer to come meet me for lunch again.
Gil: Well, to be honest, I thought this place served Irish coffee. But as long as I’m here, I figure I can get you to pay for my lunch…
Ted: Yeah, great. And thanks so much for sending me the world’s biggest asshole to come be my assistant coach.
Gil: Sure, no problem. It was easier than paying him to do imaginary chores around my house. Plus I had to keep an eye on him so he wouldn’t violate my house, or my wife. This way I can play golf all day…and the worst that happens is he kills a couple poor kids. Who’s gonna miss them? But say, I think Marty may have swiped some of Mimi’s underwear. Mind if I talk with him?
Ted: Nah, I’ll do it, Coach. I realize if I’m gonna be a high school coach like you someday, I’ll have to start being a smug dick to everyone around me.
Gil: That’s the spirit. Now if you don’t mind I’m gonna space out for a bit and watch these melting walls…
Later…
Ted: (with a mighty tone of smug dickishness in his voice) Tell me Marty, how did you BLOW $60,000?
Marty: Well, let’s see. That was about 6 years ago I got the money, which calculates out to about $834 a month. I spent it all on rent and groceries.
Ted: RENT and GROCERIES? If you were a thrifty hobo like me, you could have eaten out a dumpster and lived in the one next to it…You’d still have $59,998 today, presuming you spent two bucks on a swell shirt with flowers on it.
Marty: Wow, what a smug dick you are.
Ted: Thanks, I learned from the best!
8/13/09
Panel 1 concern: Did Gil gouge out Marty’s eyes before dropping him off at hobo child baseball camp?
Panel 2 concern: How are these kids’ standards so low that they give such a cheer to a scowling squinter? Oh that’s right, they live in Milford. (“Milford: We set the bar so low, it’s underground!”)
Panel 3 Concern A: Apparently Kaz’s pants are magical: How else could their plaidness maintain a straight line, even over a curved leg like that?
Panel 3 Concern B: Are Gil’s legs attached to his body?
8/14/09
If Marty isn’t careful, he could smack one of those goofy urchins in the face! C’mon Mary, quit being so careful!
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