The douchiest douche that ever douched

9/30/09

10/1/09

OK, so we now know that Duncan is secretly a bad-ass ninja. Which is awesome. But we also now confirm that Robbb is the new King of Douche-Town. If you recall (or even if you don’t), Robbbb spent last spring hanging around with Chump Drumbo and was constantly amused by his awful salt shaker antics. But then Robbbbb realized that he would rather be Supreme Douche rather than just Assistant Douche, and thus turned Chump-bo in for something about a cellphone or something.

Now he drives around like an asshole, then goads other drivers into fights in which he doesn’t participate. And then tries to goad Duncan into even further violence. Douchy indeed! So of recent douches of Milford, which I think would be every main character for the last two years, who do you think is the real king? Robbbbb, Shemp-o? Bryce Larkin? Matt the Hatt? Elmer Vargas? Andrew Gregory? (It’s sad how long this list is.  Maybe the Franklin Mint should come out with a collectible plate series for these guys.)

Duncan Dodge

Uh-oh. The bad-tempered curmudgeon wants a fight! And the  increasingly-evil-looking Robb seems happy to oblige…He’s also apparently mistaken boring Duncan for killer Cully, in terms of enforcement abilities.

Fortunately, boring Duncan doesn’t need any skills besides ACTION-DUCKING, as our protagonist apparently took his boxing lessons from one-legged Bill, rather than attending the more prestigious Bob Kazinski’s Boxing Academy. Guess that’s all he could afford on an angry blogger’s salary.

Enter the Curmudgeon!

First off, thanks to Ned Ryerson for holding down the ever-so-exciting fort here last week! (Though updates every day, Ned? That kind of dedication is so 2008 at TWIM.)

Our big disappointment of the day proves to be that Marty Moon is apparently not involved in this traffic altercation. I suppose he’s still driving his mobile crate home. However, much to my surprise and excitement, there is a celebrity that Robb has pissed off here: He’s picked a fight with the one man no comic character should ever mess with: the Comics Curmudgeon himself, Josh Fruhlinger! (no doubt in a hurry to get back home to blog about Mary Worth before it gets boring again.) How will this play out? Well, if we’re lucky, Robbbb will soon get snarked to death.

Make Like A Ghost And Discorporate

9/26/09

It would be ironic if Jamarr walked out of the Bucket, got crushed by the honking and screeching K car and became an actual ghost. He could then haunt Milford and give otherworldly warnings to future would be sports stars who don’t learn to keep a sock in it. I’m not saying he deserves death just because he’s got an inflated sense of himself and an overripe expectation of poon for his short-lived gridiron glory. Besides, this kind of tragedy is unheard of in Milford (limb loss, okay, vehicular manslaughter, not so much). We all know that Jamarr is eventually going to learn a lesson and we’re most likely going to be so sick of him that we’ll be disappointed that it didn’t happen in a more tragic and painful way.

Reader vaganova said in a comment on yesterday’s post:

All this is possible without anything as dramatic as a drunken Marty Moon crashing his car through the front window.

I hope vaganova is psychic (or has advanced access to Gil Thorp) because I would love for that car to be Marty hurtling out of control on a collision course with the Bucket. The seeds have already been planted for some kind of alcohol related mishap. Could it really be? We’ll have to wait until Monday for the eventual letdown.

Jason should be back to pick up the pieces on Monday. Thanks to all the commenters for making with the funny this week. You guys are so cool, you’d make Valerie Okumbe swoon.

A Slice Of Pie For The Ghost’s Hole, Please

9/25/09

The rapid fire pace continues. We’ve been forced to go to the bucket twice in the same week. I’m quite sure there are laws against that.

Jamarr Gaddis and his unrepentant toolishness continue to be the focus of this football season. Snore.

What’s up with the Jammer’s hoodie? Is that a big exclamation point on the back? Are they now serving Swanson Hungry Man Dinners at the Bucket?

A Track Meet? But We Didn’t Bring Our Javelins!

9/24/09

We can’t linger too long at the Daley house. We’ve got to get some games in! So here’s another Milford win (and another lesson learned by “the Insufferable Asshole” “the Ghost”).

Some disjointed, quickly compiled observations:

• Someone stole the 40 watt light bulb from Marty’s booth
• Attendance at  Milford games is down. A discarded, rolled up wrestling mat showed up though. Quick, check it for MRSA! (Shout out to an old Rex Morgan MD storyline)
• The two benchwarmers are totally checking out Gil’s ass.

Mrs. Daley Flashes Her Brights

9/23/09

Now we will explore the life of Duncan Daley beyond the the gridiron glory and behind the band T-shirts. What are his secrets? What happened to the fake I.D. that he was the notorious owner of? Oh boy, I think we’re about to find out. Maybe. It’s just as likely that Panels 2 and 3 are all the exposition we’re going to get on the subject for a while, which means we know pretty much nothing new. But that’s the splendor that is Gil Thorp. That’s the glue that’s supposed to hold a storyline together through the fall. If you don’t like it, you can…….say, what is up with Mrs. Daley? Why is her nipple protruding through a hole in her sleepwear? Who cares what Duncan’s brother said. We need some “closure” on this wardrobe malfunction.

The Most Hated T-Shirt At The Bucket

9/22/09

Yay! Milford wins! Marty can hitch the booth back up to the El Camino and haul it back to the motor court. Those of you waiting for a cameo of the Oakwood coach Tod Andrews will have to wait until next year (or perhaps the playdowns?!) Instead, please enjoy this Marjie Ducey interview with Gil which reveals that Gil blacked out some time in the first quarter. Gil spouts off about the last play he can remember and doesn’t respond to Marjie’s actual question: “Coach Thorp, can you explain the smashed-in, grass stained right side of you face and the foul stench eminating from your pants?”

Meanwhile, at the Bucket…

Duncan models another band T-shirt. At first, I thought he was wearing an Esprit T-shirt, which were popular with girls back when I was in high school, which would have been weird, but interesting. Upon further review, I’m going to assume that the T-shirt is for The Despised. I did the required seconds of research to learned that The Despised is a hardcore band which calls themselves “the most hated band in Atlanta” among other colorful slogans. Compared to Duncan’s closet full of Sonic Youth wear, that’s pretty obscure. My bet is that this is actually product placement and that the Despised sent Neal (or Rod) a case of beer to get their name in the strip. They probably had a few stipulations, like “whoever’s wearing our T-shirt needs to be a mean looking dude and he should be surrounded by some real skanks”. Close enough, I guess.