Showering off the slime

I hope something new happens soon, because I’m running out of ways to talk about how coaches don’t coach, choosing instead to let the sketchy janitor do it instead, presumably for free.

The only unsettling development today is in panel three,where Gil’s followup means he was either secretly observing Cassie and Steve’s one-on-one session from afar…or just seeing a sweaty Steve and concluding that meant ‘progress’. Either way the whole thing leaves me feeling slimy. I wish reader hero Cassie, as the only reasonable character I can recall in the last few years, hadn’t decided to go along with this abominable train wreck of an idea. Time for us all to hit the showers. Except, you Steve. Stay out of both locker rooms, ya perv.

He’s a creep. He’s a weirdo. What the hell is he doing here?

“I said tell me something useful, not something creepy that proves you’ve been stalking me.”
“C’mon…that is useful. It  gives you enough knowledge to know to stay 100 yards from me at all times.”
“I could already tell that by your rank odor.”

Tutor? I hardly even janitor!

“I miss you, but I can’t be seen with you.”
“I don’t care what your parents say!”
“No, it’s not them. It’s my friends. They make fun of your freaky mood hair. I mean jeez, is it blond? Black? Who the hell knows! Also, I do kinda prefer getting to use my iPhone every day over seeing you.”
“OK, well let me just suck the life-force out of you then. I’ll bottle it up and look at it fondly while flipping pizzas.”

Back at practice…

Wow, Cassie may be the only character who actually makes any sense. How long do you think Gil and Mimi would have lasted at a real school if this was the kind of crap they tried to pull every single year?

Gil’s Choice

1/22/10

You may think nothing’s happening here, but look more closely: If ridiculous girl #2 in the second panel moves her damned hand, the jerseys spell “MOO”. Also they appear to be using a six-foot tall basket. (Just like the WNBA!)

1/23/10

“Yep, a good athletic director would get his coach some help. But a bad one would just nastily smother his  coach with his man-stink gorilla arms, then shuffle off to PUB, figuring the matter was resolved.”

1/25/10

Hmmm, debated Gil….Give up some free coaching, or have to listen to my wife bitch and moan? Tough choice. I guess I’ll go with the option that moves the creepy janitor from lurking around the boys’ practice to lurking around the girls’ locker room. Damn, I am so awesome.

And now let’s all go drink like Marty Moon too.

1/20/10

As Micah devolves into Caveman Cully, the seven fans strategically reposition themselves every few seconds in order to peek through whatever gaps are available to them. Meanwhile, Marty Moon, sitting on the court again, just doesn’t give a shit anymore.

1/21/10

As Paul Diehl totally smokes that midget despite a backwards left arm, the seven fans bring in their cardboard cutout friends. Meanwhile all of us make like Marty Moon and nod off before the game is over. But luckily, I bet on the team with the M jerseys to win.

Redefining “Down Market Dump”

Micah’s continued improvement is all the more impressive considering Creepy the Luhm’s lesson for the day  is “How to take a dump in an alleyway!”

As Micah’s basketball improves, Rubin’s ability to write sentences declines…first Saturday’s stunningly incoherent phrase “And by end, he and Bryce…” (thanks Sourbelly for noting this. I’d seen it too, then forgot to say anything ), and now, “Joel Kurth goes 6-7″? Huh? I mean obviously Joel Kurth is Neal’s buddy at the Detroit News. But why is he going 6-7? Though Joel better watch out, because Steve Luhm just walked onto the court and is about to go #2.

Make like a ghost, Jam-Jar, and not be alive anymore.

1/15/10

Wow, Micah sure entirely changed his abilities, skills and personality in mere seconds after advice from the creepy janitor! My theory: He’s scared shitless of what the creepy janitor will do to him if he doesn’t listen…

1/16/10

…though if Creepy-the-Luhm is gonna teach anything else to this team, maybe it should be to high five like humans rather than seals.

1/18/10

Jam-jar is concerned? No we’re the ones concerned….that he’s still playing a major role in this strip. And Gil, ya dummy, it’s not “modern times”, it’s just massive douchery. At least Kaz gets in a good line here.

If only the coaches could beat him to death like he so richly deserves. Maybe Gil should just hire some thug to take care of the Jam-jar pest problem.

Be your sister, Micah. Na-na-na-na-na.

Aha. So it seems creepy Steve wants to sit and watch basketball practice with his hands down his pants (and during prime custodial hours…what a slacker!) We thought he was after Micah’s 26-year-old younger sister, but he’s just using her to get to mike a wang. Hey Micah, here’s some advice: when the skeezy janitor comes up to you, tells you to call him Steve and recommends you start acting like your sister…THAT’S when you get moving…the hell out the door as fast as possible!

Besides, if I wanted a creepy guy offering unsolicited coaching advice that makes no sense, give me Clambake any day.