Revenge of the Slim

5/27/10

I suppose the real reason nobody knew who was in the collision yesterday is that Whigham only knows how to draw four types of males besides Gil and Kaz: The guy with shaggy dark hair, the black guy, the angry scruffy kid with a goatee/soul patch, and the blond kid with freckles. What about Steve Luhm, you ask? I said male characters.

If only Li’l Drummer Boy had been wearing his spiky arm bands, maybe he could have taken the upper hand in this musicians vs. jocks feud. Instead, it looks like Slim is gonna have to take matter into his own hands…

5/28/10

Wow, looks like someone’s pissed off enough to take some serious revenge!

Yep, I’m talking about Gil…Forced to attend practice, no weird old guys to run everything it for him…he’s about to blow. Everyone better watch out if he ever gets that electronic tracking bracelet off. This might happen.

Mouthing Off the Record

“Off the record…the boys suck, Marjie. But shhhhh, don’t tell them!”
“Um, why are you telling me this? We were talking about my new earrings.”
“I just want everyone to know, off the record of course, that the Milford boys suck at baseball.”
“Well since I work for the newspaper, even if I print your quote, nobody under the age of eighty will read it anyway.”
“In that case, on the record, those boys just plain suck. They’re the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. If only they had a weird old man or a janitor or a talking dog to coach them…”
“Wait, aren’t you the coach?”
“Well ‘CoachThorp’ is just a meaningless title…It doesn’t mean I actually do any coaching. Kinda like the Pope. Do you ever see him poping?”
“The octogenarians are gonna love this story.”

But sometimes* segues don’t have to make any transitional sense at all…

WHUMP!

What just happened? A student just fell through the ceiling onto what may have been a good player! No wait, word on the street is that the whole team sucks. So there’s no loss here, from what I can tell. Except a perfectly good ceiling.

*Or in the case of this comic…always.

Flinging rabbit poop and modern art

5/22/10

Teenage girls getting along and agreeing not to be catty? I don’t buy it…since it appears that  someone is still angry enough to use telekinetic powers to launch that modern art statue into Cassie’s skull.

5/24/10

“Come out swinging” apparently means they strutted around the field in their fancy pants, nearly touching the bases!

“Hits a pellet” of course means absolutely nothing when it comes to baseball. Well, a Google search of “hit a pellet” baseball yields a whopping seven hits, so I guess somewhere, someone has said this before…But for comparison’s sake, Gil Thorp “head explodes” brings us 477 results. So I’m going to presume that Paul Diehl is actually flinging rabbit poop at the Jefferson Jeffs. Which is the same thing Neal Rubin flings at us each day.

5/25/10

Heh, this comic is so lame it’s causing Marty Moon’s face to collapse in on itself.

Forgive and try to forget any of this ever happened

5/20/10

…apparently the first one to give in to Cassie’s sugary sweetness is Ashley. Just goes to show that continuous high exposure to Nutboys weakens one’s ability to be a begrudging bitch all day. (And all that Nutboy radiation also apparently mutates people into crazy-rubber-necked freaks who use the word “creepers” as if it was an actual word someone would ever use.)

5/21/10

…and it’s time for the classic Thorpian move: A motivational lockerroom speech to get everyone to stop being pissed!  Hopefully for Ashley it’ll work better than Brendan Zollar’s speech, you know, that one where everyone was mad for some reason. Much different than today, obviously.

Goodwill for bad bitches

5/18/10

“So to repay you for your well-thought-out, awesome advice to me, ‘Make a video!’ I have some advice for you!”
“What is it?”
“Hold on, I gotta get this softball out of the margin here. Oops, we ran out of time. Instead, let’s skip forward to some boring conversation.”
“OK, I’ll handle it…I’m a master of boring!”

5/19/10

So the great advice was, “Be nice to those bitches”? I would say, why didn’t Cassie think of this herself, but then I remembered she has no common sense. At this point, if her former friends can’t forgive her for whatever it is she did, like, four months ago, I say she forgets about them and joins the Bad News Taurus gang. Because they’ve had an opening ever since Cully was dragged back to the zoo.

OK go away

5/14/10

Again with the “ease up”, eh? I guess if it comes from a drummer who’s missing several fingers we should pay attention. Or maybe we could ignore him like Tuck does (who from what I can tell does not relieve irritation, no matter how far up our ass he gets…)

5/15/10

Hey Tuck, welcome to the 21st century! I’m pretty sure you can find a way to film, promote and distribute a music video without $100,000. Even as  a 57-year-old man, you’ve never heard of hand-held video cameras and YouTube? What, did you just wander out of Pluggers?

Oh and to the rest of you….a video will be your band’s salvation? What is this, 1985? Unless this is your keyboard player, nobody’s gonna watch your damned video. “Bass-playing anal suppository!”: 6 views, 1 star.

Oh and one more thing: “bling, bling!”?!? I have a good idea for ur problem 2!: Buy updated ringtone.

5/17/10

I’m bored. Maybe I’ll go watch the only music video I can even recall from the past five years.

News flash: Someone reads a story in the newspaper! Read more online…

5/12/10

Due to budget cutbacks, Marjie is now the only reporter for the Milford Star. Rather than talking to Slim Pickens (which is also the current state of the plot), I think she should be spending her time investigating the escaped clone they made of her…you know the one with a few missing chromosomes, that wandered into the high school and made friends with She-hulk. Instead she wanders into the dugout and asks Gil, “Hey, did you hear your damned hippie pitcher likes Greg Maddux?” What a scoop! And we wonder why print is dying?

5/13/10

“You used to write songs, man! But ever since you wanted to be all multi-talented, your song production has really tapered off! Some of us have zero talent at all and became bass players! Hell, I can’t even read, like ol’ fancy bracelets over there. But at least I show up to practice and complain every day. I mean, what else are bass players for, am I right? I think I’ll go drink some more bleach.”

The Multiplication of Boredom

Sorry for the delay in updates, everyone. In addition to having nothing to write about due to massively boring comics, I was a bit under the weather. But mostly it’s ’cause of the massive boredom.

5/7/10

Nobody noticed, Cassie. Nobody noticed. Mimi just deduced there must be some reason why everyone was leaving.

5/8/10

Hey look: Two stories that weren’t going anywhere have suddenly collided! Is ‘boring times boring’ like multiplying two negative numbers? Let’s hope so. Otherwise  we’re in even more trouble than we were before this happened.

5/10/10

Damned if Ray the pizza flipper doesn’t have the worst rap in town. “Scuzzball”? At least he doesn’t try to impress the most desperate chick in town by taking her to the 24-7 S-Mart (home of the 52 oz. Gut-Buster…made with 100% ground up Nutboys. It’s 52 ounces of liquid shitty!)

5/11/10

…and now we have the requisite strip where local weirdos gossip about Milford’s latest odd couple. As long as there’s no close-up of hideous weirdos, we’ll be fine…Oh crap, panel two, why did you have to go there? My eyes! The goggles do NOTHING!