BTF seeks its revenge

6/26/10

Wait…baseball season isn’t over? Sigh. Maybe something ridiculous in Chicago could distract us from this fact…

How about a cameo by everyone’s favorite band manager, Geoff Harrison? Who, you ask? Why, he’s the manager of BACKYARD TIRE FIRE of course. In addition to always emailing the band in 37 point font, he’s well-known for his quirky habit of heating his coffee via desk lamp. Geoff is excited to send BACKYARD TIRE FIRE a video of the most talented musician he’s ever seen.

Unfortunately, the type on his screen isn’t big enough for Geoff to see what he’s doing, so he accidentally sends them the wrong video, a creepy high school production by Slim Pants and his Long Shirts, or something like that. In any case, the softball team DOES THE WAVE! (Geoff feels great shame in knowing this.)

6/28/10

Nothing builds up the drama like a panel of a team waiting. Waiting to see if the third base coach from Valley Tech drops dead from a seizure I guess.

What’s wrong with panel three? If you said “It’s June 28th, and Milford still hasn’t been eliminated for the season”, you’re half right. To get full credit, you needed to add “…and Gil is disturbingly excited about this fact.” Has it been so long since the Mudlarks made any sort of playoffs that Gil has forgotten he’s expected to show up for the extra games?

6/29/10

“Hello, Slim’s House o’ Distorted Perspectives, how may I help you?”
“Hi it’s BACKYARD TIRE FIRE!”
“BACKYARD TIRE FIRE?”
“Yes, BACKYARD TIRE FIRE!!”
“OMG, BACKYARD TIRE FIRE!!!”
“Would you like to open for us Friday, thus creating the first amount of dramatic conflict in this strip since Steve Luhm got beat up by that pizza flipper?“
“Of course! How can I say no to BACKYARD TIRE FIRE? Wait, how did you know about Steve?”
“Because…we’re BACKYARD TIRE FIRE! We know all.”

It’s another non-wrap!

6/24/10

“Wow, they did the WAVE? Really? That’s so massively…lame.”
“You’re the new kid, right?”
“Yeah, I don’t really get why you guys all like things that suck.”

Later…Gil yells at Slim Pickens for the most bizarre reason imaginable:
“You had players in uniform enjoying themselves? Do you realize what that means?”
“No idea, chief. You just mad that my video finally knocked your ‘baseball blooper video’ out of the spotlight?”
“Yep, that’s it. Even that douche Phil switched to the new video.”

6/25/10

Is it me or does every June wrap up with Gil blurting the same basic thought?

“Gosh I sure don’t know what the heck [BLANK] is, but I guess I have the next two wacky months to figure it out! But seriously, this is the last I’ll ever mention it.”

Fill in the blank word key below:

2010: “Alt Country”
2009: “Twitter”
2008: “Illegal immigration”
2007: “the responsibility a high school coach should have to not let a creepy old chronic liar run his team for a season”

(Yep, sorry, I’m behind. Next couple days coming soon…!)

From A.V. to V.D.

When time is too short
Here’s a nifty blogging trick:
Write more damned haikus!

6/22/10

How does Milford win?
Another no-armed player
Bunts (then grows some arms.)

6/23/10

The fist bump again?
Can anyone in this town
keep their eyes open?

Slutty-slut Cassie
Whores herself out once more.
Curtis gets V.D.

Marty Moon used to have a posse

6/19/10

As we drink along with the Thorps in order to ride out this never-ending season, I got to wondering: have the baseball seasons been getting longer, or just more intolerably dull? So I checked out the first June I wrote this blog, (three years ago!) and it appears the last day of the season was July 8th. But back then, at least we had Clambake to keep us paying attention.

Do you think we can make it another three weeks (which is enough time for Molly’s dislocated arm to…well, still be dislocated) without slipping into a coma? Seems doubtful…

6/21/10

…and when the artist spends way too much time drawing all the characters looking dreary and mopey and totally bored, it wears us down too. Again, let’s take a field trip back to 2007, when the art of Frank McLaughlin, while often copied over and over (and over) again, was just different enough each time to be brilliantly interesting. Maybe he cared as little as Whigham does now, but at least he didn’t drag me down with him. And we knew that Marty Moon had a posse. Ah, those were the days!

Worst fest

6/17/10

“I don’t want to direct. I wat to be a film critic…’This is pretty much the worst video ever made.’ That’s what I’ll say when I’m done shooting this video.”
“Great! As long as you charge less than Maynard G. Krebs did for his crappy video.”

Everything else in this comic is just a confusing mess to me. Obviously, they’re planning to import some hot babes from another comic (like Mary Worth or Pluggers)…but what the hell is the rest of Freckles’ sentence mean? Is the Milford Tic Fest happening AT the boys’ game? Why does all this necessitate the squinty-eyed girls of Milford wearing their uniforms? Anyone know what the hell is going on here?

I’m sure my questions will be answered tomorrow…

6/18/10

Title IX, comics edition, ensures I will be bored by a girls’ softball game to an equal degree as I was by the boys’ baseball team.

Next up: He’ll catch you a delicious bass

6/15/10

It appears that the drunken, idiotic words of Gil have inspired SlimJim to write some lyrics! If this “Low and Away” song works out, it’ll be the finest monetization of the ramblings of some old guy since “Sh*t My Dad Says.” Luckily Gil is still way behind on his interwebs lessons, so there’s no chance of him becoming aware of the song and demanding royalties, unless he stumbles into the wrong Central City bar I guess.

6/16/10

We interrupt Laundry-stock to bring you the return of “Curtis”, Milford’s answer to Napoleon Dynamite! Since it’s Milford, nobody thinks it at all odd that he’s been dressing up as Napoleon every day for the past six years. More video-tastic adventures of Curtis (which are the second-best adventures worth following after Kaz’s…) can be found here and here.

The Toilet Flush Blues

6/12/10

For the first time in six years, someone has listened to what Gil had to say. And it has blown Derek’s mind for so long, the umpire, batter, and catcher have  all slowly sneaked halfway to the mound to wonder what he was mumbling about. It turns out, SlimJim had merely forgotten that he likes to sing during pitches, since the last time he did that was what, like a month ago? (It’s Monday. I don’t want to look it up.)

So unless there’s more to this…(Is there? I really can’t tell.) We’re right back to where we started: Eccentric pitcher sings while he pitches. Yippee.

6/14/10

As Derek keeps singing the Toilet Flush Blues,  there’s also poor, poor Whigham. He’s getting himself way ahead of the sports action…I’m not sure the narration could be more off from the images if he tried. (“Hmmm, next panel says ‘In the dugout after the game…’ I better draw the next day at school. Schools are all in session in mid-June, right?”)

Doin’ the pebble rocks!

6/10/10

“…and three straight wins say he was right.”
“Hey, Marty, he told you that yesterday!”
“Really? I guess whatever’s in this thermos is a lot stronger than I thought. Thanks for the update magical seven-foot tall green bunny!”
“No problem, Marty.”
“Wow, I guess I’m  still seeing things…the third baseman is now doing the funky chicken instead of fielding the ball?”
“No Marty, unfortunately that’s actually happening. It’s a new dance called ‘the pebble.’ Gimme a swig o’ that thermos.”
“And look, ‘Chip’s Thin n’ Awful Burgers’ is the new stadium sponsor!”

6/11/10

Derek’s revelation, brought to you in haiku form:

Hey, wait a minute…
There’s no byline on this strip!
Their shame is complete.