Abandon All Hope aka Without Feathers

10/29/10

Robby Grillo scores the touchdown to give Milford the win. JarJar JamJar “Ghost” Gaddis sulks instead of taking part in the towel waving locker room celebration. Captain Cody Exner tells the Jammer that there’s no “me” in the I-formation or some claptrap like that. Yawn.

This is the worst football season ever. Can’t we at least get a knife fight in a prison cafeteria to spice things up? When is homecoming? Are Wally and Bitsy coming? How about Perp Spotlight? We haven’t heard the “new media” spin on this season and Gil’s revealing of new wrinkles. Help us Wally Lamb Kenobi, you’re our only hope!

Deja Vu All Over Again

10/28/10

Another day, another recycled panel.* I’ll stop short of accusing anyone of being lazy. I can barely come up with anything new to say.

Gil’s got some new wrinkles, though. This mainly involves using players other than Jamarr Gaddis, since Central’s been squeezing him like a tube of toothpaste. Welcome aboard, Tim “Keep on Truckin’” Summers and Robby Grillo. Who wants to bet blocking back Robby Grillo gets the ball instead of the Ghost?

*At least now, because of a differently positioned speech balloon, we can see that whatever Marty was scrawling on his pad is emphasized with two (!!) exclamation points. Maybe “See doctor about itching!!” or “Pick up more Ring Dings!!”

I Think We’re All Bozos On This Bus

10/27/10

Woah! Major Recycled panel alert for Panel 1! I see the guy with the raised fist has allowed his hair to grow out since last month, and Marty’s gibberish has changed, but otherwise, we’re looking at a total duplicate.

Widened the splits on the line? Sooo, this is some kind of spread offense? Whatever it is, it’s making everybody happy. Jamarr’s slicing through gaps and grinning like a fool. Even Steve the Disco Referee seems to be unable to control himself. Maybe that’s not Steve. Maybe it’s Smilin’ Lee, the Referee Who Can’t Contain His Glee.

As for Panel 3…chipper? You call that chipper? It looks like they’re psychotic (not to mention in violation of all the basic safety codes of school bus riding….”Hands and heads inside the windows, Gents! Turn that music off or we’re not going anywhere!”). Steve the Disco Ref must be doubling as the bus driver since he’s most likely to be pumping the Village People and encouraging the team to perform the YMCA dance through the windows.

Luckies And Milkshakes And Offensive Holding

10/23/10

Panel 3 jumps into the lead for most awesome panel of the year. We discover through misty memories that Cody was taken away from his birth parents’ care because Cody’s mom made the little tyke drive over to the next town to buy her Lucky Strikes while she and hipster dad listened to Jandek records.

10/25/10

It’s kind of sad that Marty Moon has been relegated to serving as a foil for Gil and his smartass answers. Nothing interesting ever happens to him lately. No drinking binges or impersonations of parents.

Wow, we get to sit in on a special session of Kaz addressing the offensive line. The thrust of this session: just go ahead and hold. Steve the Disco Referee is often distracted by the marching band’s rendition of Turn The Beat Around.

10/26/10

Yes, that certainly is interesting. Marty’s ear just exploded and the lineman opened a big enough hole for the Jamarr. Happy now, Ghost? Now shut up so we don’t have to devote panels to your idiocy and we can get back to the park and that varsity level stuff and Cody and his checkered past of second hand smoke.

Attention S-Mart Shoppers, Enjoy A Nutboy While You Pump

10/21/10

Okay, enough about Gil and Kaz. Steve Luhm is doing a fantastic job on that floor.

Meanwhile Milford’s finest, Officers Barbrady and Wilbon continue to keep the park safe with their vigilance and attention to detail…

10/22/10

…but wait. It looks as if the boys in blue identified Cody as the hooded, after hours park jogger and passed the information up the chain of command. However, typical slapdash law enforcement/parenting/coaching protocols are applied and Cody has to be admonished by Gil only because Gil was gassing up at the Swifty Mart at the same time as Chief Lind. I wonder if Gil and the Chief took a pause to enjoy some of those delicious NutBoys while visiting the S-Mart. I’ve heard they’re shitty.

It’s All About The Pacing

10/20/10

You know what this strip needs? More close-up drawings of coffee makers! Coffee makers sitting on…armchairs? Kaz has already worked his way through half a pot of coffee by the time he gets Gil sorted on the difference between X and O while inexplicably, the Mudlarks linger in the locker room in towels, with dopey wet head hairstyles, asking each other to the Bucket.

Cue dramatic music.

Cody Exner needs to go for a post game run! Foster Mom Kay Morgan is concerned. It’s late and she made a big ol’ batch of sloppy joes. Where is Cody going? Why would he have to pace? Could he be running low on the varsity level stuff? Why does the sequence of panels make you think that Miles just quickly fingerstyled his hair and slipped on some earrings and pearls to play the role of Cody’s foster mom?

Caring And Sharing: Kaz And Gil Break New Ground

10/19/10

Does this mean that Gil cares? That kind of shakes my world. I’m going to have to let that sink in for a bit. In the meantime, enjoy some improvised Gil/Kaz* dialogue I whipped up to take up space:

Kaz: Nice speech Gil, let’s go grab a beer or twelve.
Gil: It wasn’t just a speech, Kaz. I meant what I said. I don’t care if we win or lose.
Kaz: Great attitude Gil. Now, about those beers.
Gil: Yeah, normally, I’d love to get plastered, but I already feel like wallowing in pity about how bad my coaching sucks.
Kaz: Coaching, schmoaching Gil. That kid missed the kick. It was pretty though. I don’t know how he gets it to spiral like that. Spiral like a ham. Are you hungry Gil? Maybe there’s a Bennigan’s around here.
Gil: C’mon Bob, aren’t you going to try and assuage my guilt by taking on some of the blame? You know, no “I” in team, or something like that? Anything?
Kaz: O-kay! Yeah, we suck at coaching Gil. We’re failing these kids…yada yada yada. Happy now? C’mon, Bob’s hungry and thirsty! Let’s go grab something and we can talk about our inadequacies then.
Gil: No, I want to stare at X’s and O’s for a while. I could sure use your help. I can’t make these kids get enough better by myself.
Kaz: Enough better? Oh man, am I in for a long night.

*Gil/Kaz slash fiction comments are not encouraged but will be thoroughly laughed at. What else are we supposed to do with Panel 3?

Snooze Button Special

10/16/10

I can’t muster a whole lot of commentary on this barn burner of an ending to the game. I am curious about the sign in panel 1. Is Milford really taking on the Tilden KKKs? That’s just weird.

10/18/10

Does this mean no trip to the park? There’s got to be at least eight guys selling each other “stuff” in the shadows and we’re not going to see it. Instead, we get a boilerplate post-loss pep talk.

Sorry folks, I’m hittin’ the snooze button.