3/21/11
Oh very nice, a good ol’ fashioned “Vengeance of Christ elbow” upside Parker’s head for the win!
It’s a good thing there are never any adults at practice. That way the Believers can continually beat the shit out of the cyber-gay-bashers in peace and quiet.
3/22/11
“And as for that website about Lini…”
“Hold on, can you speak up? You’re speaking in waaay too small a font.”
“Oh sorry. My point is this: We’re both Juniors, which means I could drag this crap on for another year, Milford time. That translates to 10 thousand years of actual time. You’ll look like Gil rather than Gil Jr. when I’m done with you.”
“Noooo, I can already feel my face disintegrating. If I knew what you were talking about, I’d certainly take down that website immediately!”
Later:
“Hey Lini, have you been ignoring that thing that wouldn’t be as much of a problem if we just ignored it? I haven’t been ignoring it, but now that it’s not there, we can, nay, must ignore it! Because it’s no longer there. I made sure to tweet and Facebook about it so nobody at school would forget.”
“Uhhhh, OK. I dunno what’s going on anymore, ’cause I was busy cataloging my Isotoner glove collection all night. Check out these mannequin hand models I brought for show and tell!”
What’s worse, Milford time or being cast into the Great Pit of Carkoon to be slowly devoured over 10,000 years by the all-powerful Sarlacc? Yeah, I’ll take the Sarlacc, too.
Nice Herkimer Battle Jitney school bus in 3/22 panel 3!
Count it! Bonk!
Comment by Dood — March 22, 2011 @ 8:28 am
What you don’t see is Cortez the Killer giving Kaylee a beatdown just for being an annoying beeyotch.
Nah Jason, I think Leeeni’s hand model is modeling the latest in Bugs Bunny hand apparel.
For someone who doesn’t care about this ambiguous website, Linguini seems to be paying more attention to it than we are.
Now if you’ll excuse me Kaylee and Linguini, I have to get on the “Hool” bus/tank.
Comment by Regina — March 22, 2011 @ 8:38 am
Wasn’t See (Not See) a popular band in the ’80s? Oh wait, that was Was (Not Was).
Comment by Dood — March 22, 2011 @ 9:21 am
Ok, I didn’t realize the moral of this story would be “Bullying in the name of God can solve all problems.” Well played, Rubin. Might makes right!
3/21: First panel: So is Cortez cracking his knuckles in anticipation of the beatdown to come, or praying to God to let his elbows strike true?
I’m sad I didn’t pick up the obvious “It’s Parker!!!!!” clues, but I think I was just blinded by my desire for it to be Jamarr. And now that the perp is getting the ever-loving crap beaten out of him by Cortez, I really, really wish it had been Jamarr.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go apply the life lessons in Gil Thorp to those bratty kids next door who keep throwing trash in my yard. Eat my righteous elbows, 4th graders! I’m bigger than you!
Comment by Drew Funk — March 22, 2011 @ 9:40 am
I have to express my disappointment that the guilty party wasn’t a “criminal”.
Comment by billytheskink — March 22, 2011 @ 10:43 am
No adults at practice. Ever, apparently. That’s the only explanation for Cortez’ threat to go all Matt Cooke on Parker at every practice for the next year and a half. If Gil, or Kaz, or even Coach Shaw actually attended practice, I’d think they might put a stop to intra-team thuggery. For the sake of concussion prevention and lawsuit avoidance, if nothing else.
Comment by John S. Walters — March 22, 2011 @ 11:19 am
“Me, going upside your head.” That’s how black people talk!
Comment by sourbelly — March 22, 2011 @ 11:26 am
K(a)Y(lee): “Did you see? I mean not see?”
Linguini: “Yeah, and now I’m p*ssed. I was getting more boy friends from that thing….”
Comment by semperfi4evr — March 22, 2011 @ 2:22 pm
whens the crossburning on cortez front lawn or will they burn cortez straw hat. gils gonna make parker team captain him and kaz just needed any excuse to wear there white sheets.
Comment by mr120zcan — March 22, 2011 @ 3:22 pm
I like how the school bus has one of those signs over the windshield to announce its next stop, just like regular city buses. What are the options, do you suppose? “SCHOOL.” “BUS GARAGE.” “THE BUCKET.” Maybe it doubles as a prison bus, and it’ll be taking Parker to “THE HOOSEGOW” next week. Nah, I suppose it isn’t a hoosegowable offense, but a girl can dream.
Comment by jules — March 22, 2011 @ 3:44 pm
It will ultimately be revealed , that the “Cortez Elbow Technique” is inherited from Clambake.
Comment by exmiscellanea — March 22, 2011 @ 3:44 pm
exmisc, wake up! Cortez IS Clambake, returned to redeem himself through well-intended acts of Christian Violence.
Comment by vaganova — March 22, 2011 @ 7:01 pm
7. Sourbelly, ….”that’s how black people talk.”
Jason, Isotoner Gloves (Lini is wearing at SCHOOL yet) — that’s how white people talk.
Comment by Gil'sBarber — March 22, 2011 @ 9:46 pm
Sorry regardless of white or black of course,(and gay or straight of course), I still secretly wish that someone would kick the sh*t out of Lini for wearing this crap at high school. My GAWD!
Does he have parents?
Comment by Gil'sBarber — March 22, 2011 @ 9:51 pm
Lock your eyes on one hole, get set, and swing. And keep doing it.
Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — March 23, 2011 @ 12:07 am
No. 15, Don: Now, that’s baseball! Count it! Bonk!
Comment by Dood — March 23, 2011 @ 7:08 am
3/22, panel 1: Does Steve Luhm use antlers in all of his decorating?
Comment by Dood — March 23, 2011 @ 7:10 am
Glad to hear Cortez and Parker are juniors. I hope Lini is, too, so we can look forward to another year of mystery, hilarity, and fashion. Check it! Count it! Bonk! HRONK!
Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — March 23, 2011 @ 7:37 am
it must be time for baseball. This story seems to be coming to a typical Rubin-like sudden conclusion
Comment by Dieclambakedie — March 23, 2011 @ 5:46 pm
Bonk, upside yo head, Hronk upside yo head!
Comment by Ned Ryerson — March 24, 2011 @ 5:24 am
@Dieclambakedie: f’real.
Third place doesn’t get you an at-large berth in the playdowns? Hasn’t the Valley Conference learned anything from the NCAA? More teams in the playdowns equals more revenue.
Comment by delvaldawg — March 24, 2011 @ 9:18 am
did manhandling parker turn cortez on to score 29 points . since they didnt make the playdowns are they gonna paint screendoors upstate like the football team.
Comment by mr120zcan — March 24, 2011 @ 4:06 pm