No, YOU’RE out of order.

6/27/11

..and you’ve made this personal too, Mr. Thorp. You could have given a rat’s ass about this whole issue until Mr. Hobart talked smack about you on the radio. And how’s that absurd restraining order the pizza flipper no doubt took out on you for barging into his apartment and tackling him last year?

6/28/11

No we’re out of patience, Mr. Thorp. Why’d it take you a whole week of grandstand blathering to get to your point that Hobart is an idiot dick? Sure, the citizens of Milford were too stupid to realize this fact on their own, but couldn’t you have wrapped this up a couple of days ago? And now you’re leaving us with one more horrifying up-nostril view and Manos: The Hands of Fate freak hand shot? I can’t believe I’m beginning to miss the sports “action” in this strip.

Mr. Munster Goes To Milford (Sponsored by Buick)

6/25/11

So it’s all led up to this, an impassioned speech by Gil that cuts the legs out from under Hobart’s anti-teacher campaign (aided and abetted by some  inscrutable scandal “revealed” here in the third act.) There’s nothing like a sanctimonious Gil using his oratory prowess to put people in their place (like when he called Mr. Larkin a racist. Remember that? That was awesome!)

So Hobart works for Jenkins & Co. Soooo he sells cars in North Carolina? That would explain the new Buick. The salesmen often drive new cars around so maybe that’s why…who am I kidding, there is no explanation for this and to expect anything to come along and clarify this is to live in a fool’s paradise. Looks like we’re not gonna have Hobart to kick around anymore, the Hobart-copter is warming up on the pad.

Gil, possibly while sober, does something!

6/23/11

“OK Gil, if you have something to say just take your turn at that podium we stole from the local community college for the sole purpose of dramatic speeches by townspeople at local school board meetings…Yes, yes, a student organized the rally, we knew that, but OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR ARM?!? HOW CAN IT BEND THAT WAY??? AUUUGGGHH!!”

6/24/11

Hey it’s everyone’s favorite Goshen police officer, Bruce Cabot, a.k.a Officer Gus “Unnecessary” Exposition.  He’s here to verify that no student would be caught dead fraternizing with Gil…they all sit at least two tables away. (Oh and that he played three sports.  Don’t forget about ol’ three-sport Gus.)

“Yep, Gil and Kaz weren’t drinking with students per se…They just drank heavily by themselves, roughed up a few local hooligans then drove home drunk. Get your facts straight, Hobart. And don’t f*ck with Gil. I played three sports here.”

And hey look, it’s a panel three appearance of Kelly, who can apparently only be drawn from the same template each time she appears!

The Biggest Tool is in Glory’s Pants

Sorry for the delay in posting…if the author’s gonna drag everything out, I might as well follow suit, right?

6/20/11

Notice how Al-Po’ is inexplicably still pissed that someone had the nerve to play music at her boring rally…right up to the point she receives a generous ass-smack from Glory, the crotch-stuffing assistant coach? Hmmm. If you’re wondering what’s going on there, just reread this to relive the romance.

6/21/11

“The teachers appreciate what you kids did for us.”
“Wait, who are you?”
“I’m Mimi.”
“Who?”
“You know, that lady who used to work here…it turns out they don’t pay me to not show up. Gil’s the only one who can get away with that shit.”
” So what happened to Coach Glory Hole?”
“After word got out on all her ass-smacking and crotch-enhancement shenanigans, Hobart hired her to work under his desk.”

Meanwhile…
The secret source of Milford’s endless supply of  tools is finally revealed! Or more likely, Gil is just checking out the new town strip club, Harry’s Hardwankers.

6/22/11

So what happens when the town newspaper gives up completely? Research into shady town politics is left to some dork in a smock and his bang-up theory that his neighbor really just needs to get laid. Hooray for the death of local journalism.

Bad Monkey…Not Just A Clever Name

6/18/11

Let’s play a game called “What’s stupider?” Your choices are: Al-Jo is so naively idealistic that she thought she’d draw a big crowd with her protest tunes and her pleas to “support the teachers” OR Jeff actually created and wore some kind of crew I.D. tag (we could call it a backstage pass, but that sounds odd considering that the stage is a flatbed trailer). (You could also choose: Bad Monkey plays Bad Monkey brand guitars which are actually retrofitted Guitar Hero controllers or you could choose any other darned thing you see when you look at Gil Thorp.)

Were Jeff and Al-Jo really that far apart in their conceptions of this event? For crying out loud, the went over the Rally List! together. How did the minor detail of there will be bands not come up? Who else was supposed to eat all that stuff from Craft Services? Is this relationship now doomed? What if Al-Jo wants to cling to her vision of pure, unadulterated protest and doesn’t give Jeff credit for breathing a little life into what could have been the history of a sad girl in the parking lot playing Woody Guthrie songs for three people?

On another note, what about the teachers? Will that stirring performance by Bad Monkey create a groundswell of public support that will do….anything? Wait, what exactly is supposed to happen? We don’t know, but we’ll tune in tomorrow for more.

No…the Good Bad Monkey.

6/16/11

6/17/11

“Wait, you booked entertainment for the rally? Rallies aren’t supposed to be fun! They’re supposed to be whiny, self-righteous and generally unpleasant.”
“But…I got Bad Monkey!”
“Bad Monkey? You mean Northeast Ohio’s #1 Beer Tribute Band? Why didn’t you say so?”
“No they weren’t available, so from somewhere in Oklahoma, I got classic rock the way you want it!”
“Hmm, alright, well as long as you didn’t get those jerks from Owatonna, Minnesota, the punks from San Diego or those wankers from Leeds.”

Meanwhile…
“No practice today?”
“Yep, just like every day!”
“Wait, what?”
“I mean, no point to it chief…just like every day.”
“Wait, what?”

The choke’s on you

6/13/11

“Did you catch Hobart on WDIG just now?”
“Nope. But by the bulge in those trousers, friend, I’m guessing it was quite a show.”
“Ah don’t mind me, I was just doing a photo shoot for my Anthony Weiner fan blog. Anyway, Hobart simply stated something factual and inappropriate that you did.”
“How dare he! I could sue him for  slander…if only those charges were false. I guess I’ll go choke that Hobart.”
“Is that what you call yours, Gil? I call mine Mr. Kotesky.”
“Put that thing away, buddy. I’m off to seek the advice of someone who solves all problems through physical intimidation and violence. He’ll tell me who to choke.”

6/14/11

So Gil…’Didn’t even check?’, ‘Blurted a wild accusation?’ First, you didn’t even hear the show. Second, what was false exactly? You went to drink and socialize with one of your players…at a sketchy dive bar rife with underage drinking. Did Hobart even mention your assistant continually threatened the toothless citizens of Goshen?

And now that your inappropriate behavior has been exposed, your response, (once Kaz refused to punch anyone for you), is to encourage your players to rally against the guy who talked smack about you…That wouldn’t be so awful, except prior to today, you didn’t give a rat’s ass if they fired all the teachers and shut down the school. Dude, quit being such a Mr. Kotesky.

Who do ya think is a more disappointing character these days: Marty Moon, who is so emasculated that he’s nowhere to be found when Gil needs to be roundly criticized on the local airwaves, or Gil, who has seemingly morphed from a lovable, what-me-worry lazy drunk to a self-preserving, selfish mega-prick?

6/15/11

Oh and then there’s this entire comic about preparations for the rally. I’m glad they included this…because it would have been a huge plot hole if they neglected to reveal the origins of the stage and P.A. system.

A Recap Of This Whole Pathetic Thing

6/10/11

6/11/11

Hey, did you guys know there was going to be a protest rally in Milford? It’s going to be a protest against Grand Moff Hobart and his evil regime of givebacks, layoffs, laydowns, and other implements of destruction leveled at all the fat-cat teachers of the Milford School District. This plucky young shortstop from the Milford girls’ softball team is organizing the protest. She has a horribly stilted name (named after two women who unionized chicken anus production back in the 20′s, we think) and she wears those comedic round glasses with over-sized eyes that are superimposed over the lens. anyway, this protest is going to be really boss because the shortstop will sing a few songs and her boyfriend might have recruited Slim Chance to play and his band is the 127th most popular band in Milford, fresh off an engagement at the Bottom Dollar Saloon and Asian Spa in Goshen. Slim and the boys will probably bring everybody to their feet and the unified crowd will get fired up to undo the damage of the Hobartists. Too bad Hobart is already aware of this rally and is readying the Milford School Board assault tank and getting ready to lay waste to some of these crunchy granola eatin’, fat-cat supporting protesters once and for all.

By the way, Milford beat Jefferson. Yay.