My quick post-mortem on the 2011 summer of madness lameness: I’d like to imagine we’ll never see ol’ Kenny Lark again. But then we thought that about Kemper Peake, Elmer Vargas, Steve Luhm…the list goes on and on. Most anyone we hoped would stay gone has a pesky knack for reappearing. So I’m sure Kenny will be back to ruin next summer. At least we’ll be prepared this time.
Oh and I’m convinced that Chief Whigham has been creating crazy onomatopoeia words just to keep himself from slipping into a summer coma. FOOZLE!
8/29/11
Panel 1′s ominous beginning: Superman hurtles straight down toward Earth at lightning speed, as an early and blatant reminder that this plot is destined to crash horribly into the Earth, creating an enormous crater that will eventually destroy all life on this planet as we know it. Hold on, Asian Mom… what cows? Say, are you my Asian mom?
Brody Abro? Neal has officially run out of friends who want to be name dropped when Google only returns this on a name search. Welcome, new Milford moron. Or as you will now be referred to: Brody D. Abro, D student.
Meanwhile, Gil’s attempts to get free coaching are becoming more and more elaborate: Now he’s managed to convince the cable repairman to stay for a cup of coffee. Which is of course laced with roofies. When Mark wakes up, he’ll be half lobotomized and chained to the goal post. Also known as “pulling a Cully Vale.”
8/30/11
Oh crap, not the retirement of retired Assistant Coach Mark Tabor!!! Um, wait, who?
I’m pretty positive I’ve never seen this Tabor guy in five years of writing about this comic. (Though now that I think about it, I guess he’s been lurking around in his secret occasional guise of Skippy the Angry Janitor.) So why would he bother to go tell Gil that he was going to continue to not show up as an unpaid assistant coach, because he’d rather go euthanize his 120-year-old parents than spend another day not coaching for free? Oh that’s right, because Gil has some eerie hold on the Milford townsfolk, hypnotizing them to do his slave labor bidding. And Gil clearly wants Mark Tabors’ parents out of the picture. Sorry old Tabors. Gil needs that handicapped parking spot.
It appears Superman crash landed faster than I expected.
Tabor is a city in the Czech Republic that has a “sister city” relationship with my hometown of Orinda, California. All old Tabors reportedly hail from there.
Comment by Moon Mullins — August 30, 2011 @ 12:32 am
Tabor City, NC lies on the NC/SC border and is home to a correctional facility and some seafood restaurants. The city has otherwise seen better days.
But Abro, really? Does Whigham just mash down on the keyboard at random to come up with these names? Or is this a pun on “Brody, A Bro”? Will we see him wearing a flatbilled baseball cap and driving a jacked-up Toyota Tacoma?
Comment by delvaldawg — August 30, 2011 @ 6:11 am
Mark Tabor, we hardly knew ye. No, really, we didn’t!
I note that “Mark Tabor” is an anagram for “Kmart Abro” — is Rubin leaving us clues to the upcoming plotline?
Orba was I ere I saw Abro.
Comment by Scott de B. — August 30, 2011 @ 6:49 am
The silhouette of Asian Mom is totally bonkers.
Will we see Skippy this season?
Comment by Ned Ryerson — August 30, 2011 @ 6:59 am
Abros’ Mamasan:”Come back before the cows come home”
Abro:”What cows”
Abros’ Mamasan:”a penny saved is a penny earned”
Abro:”What penny?”
Abros’ Mamasan:”The closer the bone the sweeter the meat”
Abro:”What meat?
Abros’ Mamasan:”Once you go black you never go back”
Abro:”What the fuck are you talking about?”
Comment by Knoxy — August 30, 2011 @ 7:17 am
LOL, Knoxy. I hope you can keep it up once the plot becomes mind-numbingly boring. Czech it! Count it! Bonk! HRONK! FOOZLE! ABRO!
Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — August 30, 2011 @ 7:32 am
This is great news for Matt Shaw, who can now move up to coaching left-footed placekickers. Will Gil hire Glory Alcala as his new sangria-runner?
To return before the cows, one must run with the bulls.
Comment by Dood — August 30, 2011 @ 7:48 am
“It’s your parents, Mark, and they need you”… to secretly videotape their slow decline into dementia. “See, Mom and Dad? This is what you look like! Now, will you please sign these papers agreeing to be committed?”
Because that’s how Gil Thorp honors parenthood. Just ask Happy Kenny.
Comment by jvwalt — August 30, 2011 @ 8:05 am
How can anyone forget Mark Tabor? He runs the defense and can be a little rigid.
Comment by billytheskink — August 30, 2011 @ 8:30 am
Gil: “It’s your parents, Mark … by the way, you are Mark, aren’t you? And is anything else wrong, apart from some unspecified elder care issue?”
Mark: “It’s mainly my parents, although, if you check panel 2, I can’t grip a coffee mug properly. I need to study Wally on ‘Dilbert’; he’s good with that.”
Gil: “Well, thanks for coming in without being paid. On your way out, could you just write down the names of any other coaches who work for me? You never can tell when you’ll need to know something like that.”
Comment by Philip — August 30, 2011 @ 8:33 am
Do rigid Mark Tabor’s parents need a 3-4 defense installed?
Comment by Dood — August 30, 2011 @ 8:55 am
Based on the strip in #9, it appears that working for Gil Thorp has prematurely aged Mark Tabor.
Comment by Scott de B. — August 30, 2011 @ 10:34 am
#9, thanks Billy (aka, our local Thorp-istorian). I knew Tabor must have been mentioned at some point. Turns out he’s “Nice earrings.” guy! It seems fair that Rubin expects us to remember such important characters like Mark, as long as they are mentioned by name every seven years or so. This bodes well for a July 2016 return of Mr. Bakst. Mark your calendars.
Comment by jasbeattie — August 30, 2011 @ 11:39 am
8/29 panel #1: WHAT THE HELL is that trophy (under the Superman poster) doing??!! It is “Super Dong Man!”
Comment by Milfordian — August 30, 2011 @ 2:30 pm
Brody’s mom looks kind of like Alpo’s mom wearing a bad wig. Or maybe it’s Alpo herself wearing the wig. Either way, looks like another stock character drawing. It’s kind of like they’ve got a bunch of Mr. and Mrs. Potatoheads and they just put different hair, glasses and expressions on them.
Comment by J.D. Springer — August 30, 2011 @ 4:24 pm
Does Brody Abro live in an adobe abode?
Comment by Dood — August 31, 2011 @ 11:30 am
Wildcat Maris is in the house, everybody! Wildcat Maris!!
Comment by jules — September 1, 2011 @ 8:25 am
Wildcat Maris!?!???!! He’s the Booster Club Carole King!!!!!
Comment by odinthor — September 1, 2011 @ 9:49 am
Seems we’re in for another lame egotist character. For cripes sake… how about an OCD, manic/depressive, schizophrenic, or Munchausen character for a change????
Comment by semperfi4evr — September 1, 2011 @ 3:12 pm
Hey Semper, you get what you pay for !
Comment by Gil'sBarber — September 1, 2011 @ 5:14 pm
Love the Wildcat Maris reference
LOL
Comment by Gil'sBarber — September 1, 2011 @ 5:16 pm
semperfi4evr – I’ve actually been wondering whether Brody Abro is supposed to have Asperger’s. His response to his mother’s ridiculous cow comment (“what cows?”) struck me as fairly Aspergian, and I’ve been waiting for him to reappear so we can find out for sure. Instead, we’ve gotten a couple of episodes of Mark Tabor, and now Wildcat Maris, and wasn’t there a surprise appearance by Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp? I think? So maybe Brody is just the new Mr Bakst, and we’re never going to find out why he went to the junior high school. Or even whether he ever got there.
Damn, now nothing will cheer me up, short of Marty announcing during the home opener that Mr Bakst is actually Brody Abro’s long-lost father.
Comment by jules — September 1, 2011 @ 5:20 pm
[...] simply suffers from “Figure of Speech Dysplasia” in which he is unable to process any comon turn of phrase (“How do you turn a [...]
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