11/14/11
Panel 1 horrific-looking attempt at a hand-off could only be excused if the usually-concussed Chip Visci accidentally made eye contact with the creature sometimes known as Mike Hayes. “Sorry Coach, I lost it in the glare off his giant tooth gap.” Meanwhile at least one fan has decided to throw himself twelve feet over the edge of the bleachers to sweet, hopeful death, a viable alternative to sitting perfectly still and watching this game in utter horror with the rest of the Milford drones.
Panel 2, featuring the Luxury Moon Box, shows us that when you’re 600 feet above the action and drunk, that even the word’s most awful-looking handoff can appear “simple.”
Panel 3 is just chock full of bizarre sports “action.” What to like best? The Central’s receiver’s awkward dive into the corner of the end zone despite the nearest defender being seven yards away? The Milford player sliding sideways and falling over himself (or perhaps preparing to curl into a fetal position ad cry for his mommy)? Or the complete absence of any other players for several miles? Marty Moon just described this as a “simple” touchdown.
11/15/11
“Relax, kid, that wasn’t your fault…Augh, but for the love of God, put that helmet back on! Why the hell did I just insert Alfred E. Neuman as our quarterback? Ah, what, me worry? Now get back out there and be edgy and ineffective. And remind the wide receivers that it’s time to do their testicular cancer self-exams at the start of the fourth quarter.”
11/16/11
Hey look at that: Just part of a Milford football season has caused Deke Davey to go grey, (or blond or whatever) since he had dark hair as recently as a couple weeks ago, didn’t he? Someone needs to either pour some booze in that giant horse mouth or punch the crap out of it. I know a qualified coach for either of those options.
Conventional coaching (and scorekeeping) blames fumbled hand-offs on the quarterback. Partially because the QB is typically the team leader brimming with responsibility, but mostly because he is the player who ultimately must let go of the ball for it to be fumbled.
And speaking of fumbles, no way Central’s 20-something held on to that ball as crossed the pylon.
Comment by billytheskink — November 16, 2011 @ 7:31 am
Tomorrow, since we have been ripping plot points from Hoosiers: Coach Deke benches everyone who isn’t reading the darned keys and only sends out 6 men.
Actually, I think his hair isn’t blond or gray. It has turned white to match his white hot rage. Regardless, the moral of this story will end up being “No one in Milford is qualified to coach football.” Next year we should follow the soccer team. Boys or girls.
Comment by drewfunk — November 16, 2011 @ 8:04 am
Perhaps Marty meant “simple” as in “not altogether bright.” “You call that a handoff? What are you, simple?”
Well, whatever. I gotta go find my darned keys. I prolly left them in the car again.
Comment by jules — November 16, 2011 @ 8:12 am
How many times are we going to be treated to that simple shot of Marty Moon’s Top-of-the-Milford-Tower Giftshop Emporium and Observation Deck?
Reading keys? Heck, Brody can bend keys. With his mind.
Comment by Dood — November 16, 2011 @ 8:38 am
Four times, Dood. (This season)
Comment by Ned Ryerson — November 16, 2011 @ 9:35 am
Well, of course Whigham is hitting new heights in panel recycling and lazy illustration. He can’t stand reading this slop any more than the rest of us.
And now I see where this storyline is headed. Deke and Wildcat are such complete a-holes, that everyone will forget about Gil’s incompetence.
By the way, does Milford still play girls’ sports?
Comment by jvwalt — November 16, 2011 @ 10:21 am
Chip Visci is evidently a transfer from Lost Forest High School, where his nickname was “Rusty”.
Comment by Chris in Cary — November 16, 2011 @ 11:39 am
Has Coach “Today We’re Going to Learn About Tiling” Shaw ever thrown a whap-worthy sideline tantrum?
Comment by Dood — November 16, 2011 @ 11:50 am
As whacked as this storyline is becoming it still beats Funky Winkerbean, where a school tax referendum fails and the school board cancels all school sports – immediately. Never mind that school budgets are passed for the upcoming school year, not the current one.
Hobart should’ve studied the Funkiverse playbook, though of course it would’ve led to him getting cancer.
Comment by delvaldawg — November 16, 2011 @ 11:54 am
Gil: “Hey! Number 80 there! Whoever you are! You’re not supposed to just toss a live ball on the ground like that! Which ad hoc unpaid ‘coach’ taught you to do that, huh? Ah, hell, he’s walking away. Might as well go to PUB and forget it.”
Comment by Scott de B. — November 16, 2011 @ 1:07 pm
Wow Deke take a chill pill. Did you think your stellar free coaching was going to land you Gil’s job. Not in this universe. He has only lost what 6 in a row now ( I have lost track). That’s not enough for Milford to sack an immortal.
Comment by Bobby Joe — November 16, 2011 @ 3:56 pm
But they did kick two extra points so you can’t whap on the kicking game.
Comment by Mudlarks Fan — November 16, 2011 @ 5:35 pm
on 11/14/11 panal fan who fainted probably fell on gil and kaz having there under the bleachers first quarter hooch . wheres gil to tell coach deke to calm down probably in the showers with brodys mom doing a scrub a dub dub with kaz on guard to make sure gerry sanduskey doesnt walk in with some kid.
Comment by mr12ozcan — November 16, 2011 @ 6:11 pm
jvwalt @6: Talk about lazy – today’s strip 11/17 Milford loses two games in three panels. Whigrub is mailing it in much like Gil & co.
Comment by delvaldawg — November 17, 2011 @ 6:23 am
Roger, delvaldawg 14. But I think we may finally be seeing the basis for the fall plot, which we were suckered into thinking would be about the AS kid. It’s really about establishing the biggest jerk in Milford. We didn’t think it was a contest– the biggest jerk was clearly Polecat, but then his son briefly surfaced as a candidate. Now, yet another, Davey Dick. Wonder if there will be a lineup, with Hobart and Peake the Cheat…
Comment by vaganova — November 17, 2011 @ 7:32 am
Deke is making a hard charge for jerk of the year. As an unpaid assistant coach the pressure is apparently too much for him to handle. Just imagine what he would be like if he actually might lose a job that he was getting paid to do.
Comment by Bobby Joe — November 17, 2011 @ 10:30 am
Holy crap with that 11/17 strip. Wouldn’t Deere & Co. pay Rubin and Whigham to not carelessly scrawl “John Deere” on the side of Marty Moon’s crate-created vehicular unit?
Comment by Dood — November 17, 2011 @ 11:29 am
Who kicked the extra points!?
Comment by Diego — November 17, 2011 @ 2:11 pm
Diego @18: That’s the thing, we don’t know. There have been several PATs kicked since Ali Haji-Sheikh bailed on the team, yet no inkling of who kicked them.
Comment by delvaldawg — November 17, 2011 @ 3:20 pm