Tats All for 2011

12/30/11

The Ric Devore love fest continues!

I mean, look at him Marjie! Those freckles, that freaky hand, his science-y t-shirt, have you ever seen such a slender soph? We don’t want to tell you how to do your job, Marjie, but there’s your lead. Not this tat-slappin’ business! I mean, what kind of tool even gets a tattoo anyway? Oh, um sorry Kaz.

Yeah, well I hate my dumb tattoo. I don’t know what it is and I regret having gotten it, but you can slap it if you want Marjie. Do you want to slap it? I’ll slap it for you if that’s something you’re into. What, huh? Oh yeah, Rick Devore…look at that sweet wristband, soooo much cooler that this eyesore on my, admittedly much larger, bicep.

12/31/11

So Kaz was with the NCAA D2 national champion Northern Colorado Bears. That would have been 1996 or 1997, according to our crack research staff.

Intrepid reporter Marjie Ducey wants some answers though: Now about that alleged “barbed wire” tattoo, well okay, it kinda looks like you’re being treated with leeches, but what about that tribal thing on your other arm? Did you go full on Matt Prater crazy and just forget about it?

Oh Marjie, you’ll have to refer those kinds of questions to Coach Whigrub, he handles continuity. I think he’s in the training room or something, or maybe he called in sick. We’ve got to get back to practice. Flipper boy is almost done with today’s tai chi session.

Happy New Year everybody!

Pardon me while I ogle your slender Ric

12/27/11

Ric Devore (master of the boring interview) drives and dishes, then it’s a Bowen steal. Count it!

Though admittedly, it’s hard to lose to a team that forgot to bring it necks to the game. You may have thought it was the Milford tattoo slap that got the crowd all riled up…but I’ll attest that it’s the appearance of Marty Moon right there in the front row at the game, rather than shoved in a crate two area codes away. (“Oh my god, he’s real…and he stole Gil’s v-neck!”)

12/28/11

A star is born – Parker Bowen’s Wonder Woman bracelets! When Stefan Harvey (master of the incomplete website) found out the store was out of bracelets, he settled for getting the shitty M tattoo. Why the M, you ask, and not some cool mascot? Because Whigham admitted to Neal that he couldn’t even draw a Mudlark once, let alone twice every day for the next few months. (“Plus, I have this cool stencil kit!”)

12/29/11

Panel 1 Question: Is Cortez Beecher actually a muscular 70-year-old man (‘roided up Clambake?) or just drawn that way?

Panel 2 Question: Is it me, or is there something slightly homoerotic about the way Marty says “slender Sophomore Ric Devore” as he creepily ogles the kid shuffling into the game?

Panel 3 Question: Does Marty have a competition in his Ric DaHore man-crush? Between Gil’s nonsensical compliments, Kaz wearing a suit jacket to impress the kid and Winky McGee in the background, I think the answer to that one is a resounding yes, sir!

Short And Sweet Holiday Roundup

12/21/11

Sweet tattoo. That will be perfect when your pumping gas at a Marathon gas station!

12/22/11

Sweet warmup gear. Is that from the Charlie Brown collection? Sweet Jesus! Is that a magic marker or are you glad to see me?

12/23/11

Sweet Merciful Crap! Is Kaz giving an in-game shocker?

12/24/11

Sweet Spirits of Camphor, what’s more jarring? Referee Kenny Rogers or the further erosion of the annual Christmas greeting into a tossed off aside! (Did Kenny just bash Gil across the back of the head with a folding chair?)

12/26/11

Yeah yeah, I heard the first time Coach, did someone hit you over the head with a chair?

So let me get this straight. The opponent is the Putnam Vo-Tech Beavers? (Featuring Travis Bickle) Sweet Georgia Brown, this is painful.

M is for Moneyless Fool

12/19/11

Talking Lunkhead: Hey, for $30, can I get one o’ those tattoos that changes from day to day, like that chick over there has on her arm?
Talking Belt Buckle: Wow, you brought a whole $30? Gee, that’ll cover the overhead.
Talking Wall Art Lady: Hold on, Buckle. This one looks stupid enough to do whatever you say.
Talking Soul Patch: OK then…for $30, Mr. Athlete, you ever hear of a little something called “Balls on balls?”

12/20/11

Based on a complete lack of proper perspective, I’m unclear if the “M is for Moron” tattoo that Parker is sporting can even be seen by his slack-jawed yokel friend. Maybe Cletus is just fascinated by Parker’s wacky, possibly fake $30 head.

Crashing The Blog Like Beast Or, Like Wild Animals And Stuff

12/14/11

The old gang is back for basketball. Parker “Gil Jr.” Bowen, Lini “The Green Wave” Verde, and Cortez Beecher. I guess Parker is still an idiot.

12/15/11

Ah, Milford’s most exciting platonic couple are back at it again, cracking wise like…um some wannabe fashionista high school wise crackers. You know those two are just a scream. I wonder if they’ll make the scene at the Fart Dance?

12/16/11

What kind of code are they talking in? Never mind, I can’t take my eyes off the three legged fan who nobody wants to sit next to.

12/17/11

I’m fired up for the opener and so is this freaktastic levitating forearm. Look it can hardly contain itself. Down boy! Now don’t get some rest and don’t go and do anything completely ridiculous.

Meanwhile Parker Bowen does something completely ridiculous. That has got to be about the dumbest thing one could say under the circumstances. It’s a tattoo, genius. If I were a tattoo artist and someone walked into my shop and asked me that, my answer would be: How about the word TOOL on your forehead?

Front loaded and center to be named later

12/12/11

I love that the business model for Milford Ink is ”Eh, eventually we’ll get business, let’s not worry about fancy-pants things like ‘marketing’ or ‘advertising’.” That will fit right in this tank town, a place where the coach thinks, “Eh, eventually we’ll have a winning team again, lets not worry about hard-to-do things like ‘instruction’ or ‘motivation’.”

Speaking of winning coaches, Gil seems pretty thrilled that his trophy case may be able to add a blue ribbon next to all the participant ribbons he’s earned in the last decade. Meanwhile, Kaz is appropriately loaded.

12/13/11

We manage to stay awake during the requisite listing of the lineup only due to the glowing presence of a beret-less Marjie Ducey. It’s surprising that Gil can remember at least four of his players’ names. Sorry, what-yer-name Ottewill. So now if only he can keep ‘em focused on important tasks, like getting awesome tattoos!

“Hmmm, or maybe I could get that Baby Head Tree one like Monta Ellis has….”

The Ink Stink Of Tank Town Skanks

12/9/11

Gil Thorp lurches awkwardly into basketball season and a new storyline…

But This Week In Milford is still on…

Marshall Lopat’s tattoo! Everybody’s seen it, except us! What the hell is it? Would it kill you to tell us what it is even if you’re afraid to draw it as part of this VISUAL ART FORM YOU CALL A COMIC STRIP??!!

Is Marshall Lopat’s tattoo generating buzz because it’s awesome or because it’s an utterly awful train wreck? Oh, and thanks for interrupting with your tired cliche “coaching” Gil. That’s better than hearing about Marshall Lopat’s tattoo.

12/10/11

While Lini practices in a sweater vest, let’s mercifully cut away to…

Milford Ink (the place of origin of Marshall Lopat’s tattoo). Ransom Hale and Kitten are waiting for the stampede of high school kids who will be beating a path to their door once the word about Marshall Lopat’s tattoo gets around. Kids will be asking for tattooed portraits of their girlfriends that actually look like Cloris Leachman.

On second thought, looking at Kitten’s sleeve of Rorschach tests, don’t bother showing Marshall Lopat’s tattoo.

Tattoo Haiku!

This Week in Milford
so woefully overdue?
Let’s rock some haiku!

12/5/11

A Milford Storefront
Needle-riffic plot begins
Wait…Brody Abro?

12/6/11

Mr. Ransom Hale
says to tell all your friends, mate.
If  I just had friends.

12/7/11

That Marshall Lopat…
he aint no Lini Verde.
But hey, what nice tits!

12/8/11

It’s superfluous
and grandiloquent, is it?
You mean this comic?