This Week in Milford

March 23, 2012

Axin’ Jaxon!

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, Milford Weirdos — jasbeattie @ 6:41 pm

3/22/12

My goodness, that is one ginormous toddler! If that kid is theoretically less than 3 years old, I’d suspect he’s suffering from a serious pituitary gland disorder. Not to mention I’m genuinely horrified at his second-panel glassy-eyed, three-teeth-centered-in-his-mouth grin. One can only guess at what sort of disturbing guttural noise he might be making in order to acknowledge approval of his mother’s softball try-out. Perhaps he was created as part of a laboratory experiment in order to clone quickly-growing Thorp children, and Darby is just his surrogate mom.

Also, Jaxon, with an X? Really? Helpful hint to new parents out there: Don’t try to be all cute and give your kid a name with a wacky alternate spelling that nobody expects. You may think you’re being clever, but you’re just setting your children up for a lifetime of people misspelling and mangling their name. If I didn’t already suspect this Jaxon creature was the spawn of Chucky and a possessed Cabbage Patch doll, I wouldn’t be surprised for him to take an ackse to his entire sicksth grade class when he had to ecksplain for the thousandth time…”No, it’s Jaxon with an X, motha-f***as!!!”

3/23/12

“But Mom, why would you want to watch the science experiment my son for ten hours a day instead of only nine?”
“It’s OK, honey. When he’s busy plotting the murder of all the townspeople, I want to keep an eye on him…and stay on his good side.”
“Well he’s already nearly 4 feet tall. Why not let him play shortstop? At this point, Jackson is the same height, attractiveness and athletic skill level as the rest of our team!”
“No, it’s Jaxon with an X, motha-f***as!!!”

 

12 Comments »

  1. Seriously….when did she have this kid, the forth grade? JaXon? Who’s the father? Clambake?

    Comment by Knoxy — March 23, 2012 @ 7:39 pm

  2. Based on just having the top three teeth in, figure he’s around a year old. But he is standing well and over waist-high on the grandma — over 30″ tall at least! You are right, he is scary big.

    Comment by Moon Mullins — March 23, 2012 @ 8:32 pm

  3. He only has three teeth LEFT. He lost the others from years of tobacco chewing playing shortstop in triple A

    Comment by Knoxy — March 24, 2012 @ 5:27 am

  4. Yeesh, I go away for a couple of days and Jaxon Withanx turns up! Don’t try to tell me he isn’t Cully Vale’s kid; I won’t believe you. How else could a 3-year-old be such a behemoth?

    Comment by jules — March 24, 2012 @ 7:58 am

  5. How long before Darby is pitching in a big game and the other school’s fans hold up ridiculous taunting placards like “Mamma Mia!” or “It’s six pm — do you know where your children are?”

    Comment by Moon Mullins — March 24, 2012 @ 10:18 am

  6. Damn Jules you beat me to the Cully reference. I think the kid is the late Andre the Giant. He froze his sperm before his deth to carry on his legacy.

    Gah! that is one creepy kid. All he does is point, stare and drool. He belongs in Mary WOrth,not Gil Thorp.

    Comment by Regina — March 24, 2012 @ 11:33 am

  7. 3/23 panel two Darby seems to have quite the cavernous butt crack. Usually you see that in a “catcher,” not a “pitcher.”

    Comment by Moon Mullins — March 24, 2012 @ 1:56 pm

  8. OMG, I just looked at Axin’ Jaxson’s freak hand in the last strip. He definitely is a freak of nature!

    Comment by reginathenydiva — March 25, 2012 @ 6:47 am

  9. This could get interesting: Mimi is going to find out about the kid soon – will we finally hear a comment about her own kids?

    And Milford has an alternative school? It must be the one where the sports teams get coached and win games!

    Comment by Milfordian — March 25, 2012 @ 9:15 am

  10. we now return to the adventures of big bob stuff

    Comment by mr12ozcan — March 25, 2012 @ 9:16 am

  11. Every morning at the mound, you could see him arrive.
    He stood 6 foot 6, weighed 245.
    Kind of goofy off the field, with a rising fastball,
    And everybody knew Darby was gonna fall for Big Stuff … Big Bob Stuff!

    Comment by jules — March 25, 2012 @ 5:20 pm

  12. Excellent song re-write, Jules!

    Comment by Milfordian — March 26, 2012 @ 2:54 am


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