While Darby Kiser is ON, the narrator forgets to mention the real reason Milford has won: Jaxxxon has gotten on another rampage and eaten the faces off of most of the Jefferson players. He would have also attacked the Milford players, but was thwarted by their extreme ugliness. Even a beast like that has some standards.
Meanwhile, the illegitimate father of the beast (who else but those two has hair like that?), Winky Dinky has just received a tweet: “All Jefferson players dead, and we pitched a shutout! LOL. #JaxxxonKillingSpree”
“Life is complicated! Boys… pitching…school…being a slutty, negative role model, it’s all too much.”
“I have to break up with you.”
“Which you? Me, or him?”
“Hmmm, which one of you is my 150-pound bastard toddler son? That one.”
Today’s Important Gil Thorp Life Lesson:
It’s a cruel world. With lots of girls in it. Lots of easy, easy girls. So no need to get upset when one ho (especially one with baggage) walks out on you. Another easy girl will come along soon! And hey, if you get too horny in the meantime, a little Dinty Moore in a wig action will surely tide you over.
Now where’s that drunken Gil on the 19th hole story*?
*Not about golf. Just about…Gil, and lots and lots of holes. Refer to today’s life lesson for details.