Here we are at Tilden and the title’s on the line.
Big Bob’s on the mound, but it’s starting to unwind,
Fielders popping eyeballs and bloopers dropping in
Knocker’s flinging wildly, so when does golf begin?
an excerpt from The Folly of Spring by Delbert Peasprattle
Is Marjie Ducey asking questions or is she there to bring Gil up to speed on the season (or is she just chatting and offering Gil a stick of gum)? At least Marjie hasn’t resorted to the lazy sports media trend of sticking a microphone in the coach’s face and saying, “talk about x”. Man, is that annoying. Recently fired New York Rangers coach John Tortorella took a stand against this practice during the Cup playoffs (why aren’t they Stanley Cup playdowns?) refusing to speak to reporters if they didn’t ask actual questions.
Meanwhile, something happened in a game that pretty much defies description.
Rodd Whigham, talk about what’s happening in Panel 3.
Marty Moon, talk about the world as you see it from your crate. Talk about your sippy cup and your IKEA prop laptop (SFÄKKEN SLÄPTÅP). Talk about how that little microphone windscreen ball just hovers magically right next to your mouth.
Marty, what are you doing down there?
Just talking about stuff, ma!
No fair, flying fielder! We can’t see any detail on that sign and thus have to resort to imagination to make up what’s on it. How about DIRTY’S: BEST DIRT AROUND?
What’s wrong with Scott Fowler’s release point? Has he forgotten it? More importantly, why does he need to be reminded to “let it fly”? Hahaha, so funny.
Oh yeah, that double play record that we’ve been building to has been achieved. So what happens now? Milford still needs the next game to go to “Districts”. Don’t worry Gil, you’ll be drinking lemonade with Mimi soon enough. We have a lawsuit (or two) to settle before tee time.
We’re down to less than three weeks to wrap this story up before we tee off at MCC. I wonder if Molly Kinsella is now assistant club pro yet. Sorry, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Wait, Darby is giving serious consideration to Knocker’s proposal?! Has she been bellying up to the window sill to feast on lead paint chips along with her little bastard bonobo?
Who wants to squeeze in some “actual action”? See Big Bob stuff “making a case” for all-conference. Get it? Making a case!
Can we conclude from Panel 3 that Big Bob defeated the Jeffs? Possibly, but even if the presumed Jeffs couldn’t do much with Bob, did the Mudlarks score at all? Who are the shadow peopled locked into some sort of victory pose? What the hell is going on here?!
If the lawsuit doesn’t pan out, there’s always this:
So they actually did it! Well, that’s something.
“C’mon guys! It’s dark in here and it’s all hot and it hurts and stuff!”
You know, the feeling never lasts. It just doesn’t.
Milford’s DP Combo? That sounds dirty.
Okay historians, is Marty making these names up in a sippy cup fueled crate reverie or did those guys actually appear in the strip?
Oh boy, this is going to make a great story! [/Mark Trail]
I guess we spoke too soon about Ric Devore’s day in the sun. His mighty crack resulted in nothing more than a rally killing, spanked one-hopper.
Don’t take it so hard, Jimmy. So what if you booted that ball, we lost the game and that the boy attorney has resorted to in-game harassment. I’ve got just the thing for you. Pop a few of these tabs and you’ll be right as rain by the time we get to Milford. What? Oh they’re made in China, so you know they’re safe!:
Jimmy Jarbo, having just dropped his hamster cage water bottle, displays the reaction all the readers have been having to Knoxious for weeks. It’s nothing to get shook about. Fartknocker Fields Forever. Oh yeah, this is during a game.
Try catching the ball with the other side of the mitt, son. Some paralegal a-hole is going to serve you papers on a breach of contract lawsuit. We may have to arbitrate the potential loss of double play. You can’t assume a double play, if it pleases the court.
Looks like rally caps, but like they all took a moment to iron them carefully so they weren’t rumpled.
What, more crack? Hey wait, nearly anonymous Ric Devore has his day in the sun!
Knox Foley is an obnoxious jerk who peppers his conversation with mostly irrelevant legal phrases, part two.
Is this your ”higher court,” idiot? In this case, Shelby, friend of Darby, is telling you what everybody else is going to tell you. Your appeal has been denied.
Shelby also called you obnoxious and she thinks you’re a jerk, so your “fallback” position is pretty shaky.
So he’s catching a “looper” and throwing it to “second” for a “double play”? Have fun making sense of that concept and matching it to the panels!
How’s your dad doing with the lawsuit stuff?
Well, he still doesn’t know about it, other than from me telling him. He doesn’t remember anybody slipping at the SpeedCo (the one out on Miller Rd.). He doesn’t remember any icy conditions whatsoever. As a matter of fact, he demonstrates no awareness of any change in seasons and associated weather phenomena. In other words, my Dad doesn’t pay attention to anything.
Is that because he’s Chaldiranian?
We’re Chaldean, and no, it’s because he doesn’t give a crap. He sells gas, beer, cigarettes, lottery tickets and Nut Boys to people who shop at the SpeedCo.
Hey, how closely does your old man check I.D.s?
Not now, I’m concentrating on baseball. I gotta go get on deck!
And something presumably happened after Jimmy got on deck. Nevermind that, Big Knob is dominating the Jeffs…until Jimmy Jarbo boots a grounder….and dislocates his elbow in the process! Ease up Jimmy, that ligament is toast!