This Week in Milford

February 10, 2014

Chunky Bracelets And Non-Linear Narratives

February 10, 2014


I am sufficiently old and my kids are sufficiently young and I pretty much never go to the mall or any other place where highschoolers might tend to congregate (I hear these days the young people all hang out on Facetwitterest… I don’t do much of that either I guess). So, I have no idea whether chunky bracelets are all the rage or not, but they sure do wear a lot of them in Milford it seems. More perplexing is what exactly Ms. Ponytail is doing to the poster. I mean, it looks as though it’s already pretty well secured in place with those fancy non-rectilinear pieces of tape.

Well, now that we’ve got the gratuitous swipe at the artwork out of the way, let’s see if the writing gives us an easy lob to swat down. Hmm, that was quick. Why on earth wouldn’t you switch panels two and three? It sure would make Kaz’s coaching more sensible. Well, only sort of. I’m no basketball expert but I’ve seen enough terrible basketball in my time to believe that when one of your guys is in foul trouble early, while subbing him out is the generally accepted move, you may want to think twice about putting in a guy who is even more foul prone lest you find yourself put the other team in the bonus early.

Bonus points:

Fifty TWIM credits to anyone who can correctly name the tune the ref is playing on his whistle.

An additional ten TWIM credits to whoever provides the funniest explanation for why Kaz is flashing the shocker to Wynn.

February 8, 2014

Worst Overprotective Brother Ever and Stupid Questions at the Coffee Cantina

Filed under: actual action, basketball, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Marty Moon, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 10:45 am

February 7, 2014


So, after leaving a trail of deconstructed faces across the Valley Conference, Wynn’s relentless bloodlust is assuaged by a ten second apology? Sure, why not?

How about that scene we see in panel three… I love that the screen brightness setting is at ‘tanning bed’ because you certainly wouldn’t want whatever “Keeg” has to see to be shown at anything less than retina searing illumination.

Oh, and you say you found this online, eh? I don’t usually post these after seeing the next day’s strip – wouldn’t want to kill the suspense and all – but I wonder if that statement might just set up a non-sequitur in Saturday’s strip. No, the authors care much too much about linearity, continuity and plain common sense for that to happen.

February 8, 2014


“You gonna post the video?”

“You mean the one that’s already online? What else would I do with it?”

“Couldn’t you delete it? That would make sure it never was seen again, right? Isn’t that how the internet works?”

Meh… In other news, Gil appears to be rolling through the Valley so it will be interesting to see how they miss the playdowns. Marty and Gil make a rare appearance replete with a reasonably freaky hand reaching from below to strangle Marty while Gil’s alcoholism has now progressed to the paranoid delusional stage. While, apropos of nothing, we are for no clear reason told that Scott ‘Birdbrain’ Fowler had a good game. Presumably, he’s now suffering from delusions of seeing his dead brother reincarnated as a chipmunk or something.

February 1, 2014

The Look, Of Terror, Is In Your Eyes…

Filed under: basketball, Milford Idiots, Recycled art — timbuys @ 10:13 am

Happy Groundhog’s Day Eve, everybody! Seriously, will the coverage of this ersatz holiday never go away? I feel bad for contributing to it by even mentioning it on the blog, but it seems like when it comes to tomorrow that is all anyone is ever talking about on TV, radio, the internet, you name it. If only there were some other overhyped event taking place on February second that would at least spare us all of this nattering about rodents.

Now that that’s out of my system, let’s celebrate the beginning of February – the month of romance what with Valentine’s day (speaking of overhyped ersatz holidays) – with the delicate first steps of highschool courtship:

February 1, 2014


Wow! Wendy’s eyes may not be exploding – and I’m quite disappointed to see that they’re not – but that goggle eyed, slack jawed expression of fear and dread certainly belies her relatively understated ‘uh-oh.’ thought balloon. C’mon, we couldn’t get at least an exclamation mark there?!

Well, seeing as how I’ve got myself all worked up and, again speaking of overhyped things, let’s let Diana Krall lead us into the weekend with an enthralling rendition of the inspiration for today’s post’s title.

Man, her voice just transports you away to a place where her smooth jazz adult contemporary schlock almost drowns out the sound of cash registers ringing while stacks and stacks of money grow Judge Parker like with her each successive rendition of another tired pop song.


Rob notes in the comments that we have seen some of this before. You be the judge:


January 28, 2014

Show, Don’t Heil

Filed under: actual action, basketball, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Highlight reel — teenchy @ 11:34 am

In response to yesterday’s strip, our own Ned replied:

“What the heck are they talking about? What exactly malfunctioned there? More importantly, how hard will this be to find and how much more violence will this inspire?”

Apparently, more violence on Wynn’s part, but we wouldn’t know it from looking at this strip:


We could infer that Oakwood hooper is making a crack over his shoulder toward Wynn but Wynn’s facial expression does nothing to give that away. Moments later, ironic facial-haired ref manages to throw a simultaneous Black Power and Nazi salute (I’m sure he’ll claim it’s a Roman or Bellamy salute) as he ejects young Wiley.  Finally, shadowy figures in housecoats watch an equally shadowy Milford hooper drive to the basket.

January 23, 2014

Hoppity Hoopster

Filed under: basketball, exposition comics, lame jokes — teenchy @ 2:49 pm


Recognizing the lack of career potential in ballet for tall girls, Wendy makes her case for shifting focus to a sport with greater career potential.  She then channels her inner Casey Stengel (or Yogi Berra, or Groucho Marx, or whomever).

Until I read this strip, I’d never heard of a basketball player being referred to as a “hooper.”  A “hoopster,” yes, many times, but “Hooper” only as the last name of  an animated cartoon character from the early days of television.






January 18, 2014

Healthy Broken Noses… Are There Any Other Kind?

Filed under: basketball, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Pantheon of Mysterious Objects — timbuys @ 5:18 pm

January 18, 2104


OK, so maybe that was Omari Troy and not Malik McCall… and I guess that wasn’t a flashback on Thursday so much as a flashforward with past voiceover… and… and… I’m sorry I can’t go on. That triptych of dimpled faces in panel one is just breaking me up.

Any theories as to what’s the clock like thingy in panel two? I mean, I guess it could be a clock but, if it is, then that means that they are practicing at seven in the evening (or morning I suppose).

Regardless, we can all relish another appearance by Marjie. So, Rob and the rest of us who appreciate bespectacled women of letters should be happy. It’s a shame that there isn’t a category for Marjie but I am not aware of how I can add that. I assume the proprietorship of this blog is in charge of that sort of thing. In any case, I have no doubt that billytheskink has a fully categorized excel file capturing every appearance of Marjie with relevant links to the archives and that they are sortable by things such as whether she is doing serious reporting or just cracking wise to Gil about two testosterone addled teenagers about to kill each other.

Bonus point: Gil’s patented ‘run them till they hurl’ coaching technique has been deployed!

January 13, 2014

It was a good, weird, waste, at least.

Filed under: basketball, Boredom in Milford, Milford Weirdos — timbuys @ 9:59 am

January 13, 2014

Man, sometimes it’s as though the post titles almost write themselves.

Do you think Wunderkind Wendy noticed Jack as he moodily eavesdropped on her conversation with our would be lothario from St. Fabian? That would go a long way towards explaining her assessment of the scene just past.

For those unclear on the concept, or otherwise having trouble keeping up with the latest plot development, panel two neatly illustrates what experts refer to as a ‘love triangle’. Although, to be sure, this is technically more of a lust/oblivious/rage polyhedron of currently undetermined name once you factor in Winnie the Creep and Gil’s presumable involvement at some point.

Speaking of visual metaphors, let us all contemplate the symbolism of the shadowy figures in panel three anonymously shuffling towards the exit.

January 6, 2014

DefCon1!! DefCon1!! wait, is 1 the worst or is it 5?

Filed under: basketball, Boredom in Milford, freak hands, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 12:00 pm

What a crappy child of the cold war I am… used to be a time I knew whether the number went up or down… welp, no sense doing a quick search to find out.

Anyway, let’s see what’s going on in today’s strip. Well, it seems that Jack Metzger is about to meet his destiny.

January 6, 2014

Ah yes, this is what all the panic at the top of the post was about. Jack Metzger, heretofore known to me as only gap-toothed bowlcut boy, has decided to further tempt the wrath of Wildman Wynn Wiley by introducing himself to Wendy.

This unconscionable sin against Wiley family honor stands about a 100% chance of leading quickly to a confrontation either in the hallways or on the practice court as Wynn metes out brutal elbow swinging justice in the one true cause of protecting his sister’s chastity.

Will Gil intervene? Possibly!

Will Jack get the gap knocked right out of his grin? It sures seems that way! Although, credit to Jack as he does seem to have had the foresight to protect his gnads by stuffing a catchers chest protector down the front of his pants.

Will Wendy be able to get back to her earlier task of arranging the books in her locker with her eyes closed? Sure! It’s easy when you have a second left hand growing out of the center of your chest!

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