How Much Longer?

5/15/13

So they actually did it! Well, that’s something.
“C’mon guys! It’s dark in here and it’s all hot and it hurts and stuff!”

You know, the feeling never lasts. It just doesn’t.

5/16/13

Milford’s DP Combo? That sounds dirty.

Okay historians, is Marty making these names up in a sippy cup fueled crate reverie or did those guys actually appear in the strip?

Oh boy, this is going to make a great story! [/Mark Trail]

Deploying Coaches

5/10/13

Hey Knocker, are you wearing a shirt that says FLO? What’s up with that? Oh, FLG. Do you make those at the office, in a poorly ventilated room with a king sized sharpie?

Well, look who bothered to show their faces. It’s the coaches. Yes, they’ve been monitoring the situation closely.

You take Jimmy. I’ll take Knox.
Okay Gil. Whatever you say.
Wait, hold on a second. Which one is Jimmy? The one in the FLO shirt or the kid with the eyebrows?
Jimmy’s the eyebrows.
Oh crap. I meant to take Jimmy and you can have Douchey McFnockly…
Too late, Gil. No take backsies!

5/11/13

Kaz’s assignment: Yeah, that kid is a douche. What are ya gonna do?

Gil’s assignment: Oh jeez, what a douche. I gotta get out of here. I knew there was a reason I’ve been avoiding this mess.

Good talk kid, I’ve got to go get my spine adjusted. Good luck with that Jimmy thing.

Chillax, Chaldean

4/23/13

How’s your dad doing with the lawsuit stuff?
Well, he still doesn’t know about it, other than from me telling him. He doesn’t remember anybody slipping at the SpeedCo (the one out on Miller Rd.). He doesn’t remember any icy conditions whatsoever. As a matter of fact, he demonstrates no awareness of any change in seasons and associated weather phenomena. In other words, my Dad doesn’t pay attention to anything.
Is that because he’s Chaldiranian?
We’re Chaldean, and no, it’s because he doesn’t give a crap. He sells gas, beer, cigarettes, lottery tickets and Nut Boys to people who shop at the SpeedCo.
Hey, how closely does your old man check I.D.s?
Not now, I’m concentrating on baseball. I gotta go get on deck!

4/24/13

And something presumably happened after Jimmy got on deck. Nevermind that, Big Knob is dominating the Jeffs…until Jimmy Jarbo boots a grounder….and dislocates his elbow in the process! Ease up Jimmy, that ligament is toast!

Ease Up To Get Loose

4/3/13

“Can’t get loose, eh? Well ease up and get loose so I can go and get tight. Look, there’s six or seven guys behind you that can catch the ball, so stop trying to wiz it past these Wampus Cats…hey what’s that advertisement out there? a burger or sandwich of some sort? Hey, what’s your name again?”
“Big Bob Stuff.”
“No not you Blob Stuff, you, wearing all the silly gear. Do I know you?”
“I’m your starting catcher, coach, Poindexter Snordkin.”
“Wait, what happened to Rick Bozich?”
“Coach, maybe you should go back to the dugout. I think we can figure this out.”
“Okay, good talk.”

4/4/13

Ha, the disinterested stares of the players on the Mudlarks bench is priceless. What’s that behind them though? Saddles? Packed parachutes? (How did that guy from Micfoob get in there?)

Meanwhile, the coaching staff has yet to catch up on the detes of the spring plot. Hang in there guys. I’m sure the guy at the hardware store will clue you in later.

The genius of Marty Moon’s crate is revealed. He can ship himself to Leesville to call the game, since he probably doesn’t have a car or a license and he’s almost certainly not welcome on the team bus.

Did Gil Tread On That Snake?

3/21/13

Dinny Perez…Jimmy Jarbo…Knox Foley? Who else we got? Skipper Kindlund…Toddy Yedidia…Rockie Enos and Witty Lue round out the Random Name Generator squad.

Stay tuned for next week’s episode of Two Guys and a Tree to hear Gil say, “Bogart Lidano won’t hit like Burch Dackerman did.”
Kaz will answer, “But he and Lawrence Heft are going to make us smoother around the horn.”

Brutal Spring

3/20/13

Okay, so we’re doing this now? Any other incidents out on the highway? Did a woman in New Thayer choke on a Vienna sausage? Did patch of ice reveal its motivation?

Okay, Bobby Ottewill and Dinny Perez, eh? Didn’t they give birth to a chimp child last year? One could look it up, but living through it once was bad enough. Given the rapid fire delivery lately, let’s hope the roulette wheel of plotting will keep spinning past these two and land on something else. Anything, really…maybe not so much with the animals.

Alright Gil and Kaz, it’s time for sizing up the talent and strategically placing the kids in the positions that they can grow into. Analyze not only their strengths, but their needs. Give each kid the chance to succeed and to learn.

“Heh! Heh! Big Bob Stuff smacked Dinny down hard, son!”
“Yeah, Perez pretty much sucks. What else we got?”

Yay! We’re In The Playdowns

3/9/13

I guess Jefferson doesn’t have access to any magic fowl. You’d think the three piece suit of the coach would be enough to spur on the ‘Jeffs.

YAY! We’re in the playdowns! We’re in the playdowns!

3/11/13

YAY! We’re in the playdowns! We’re in the playdowns!

Well, bring out the peacock.
I think the peacock’s sleeping.
Well, I guess you’re gonna have to wake him up.

March Comes In Like A Magic Peacock

2/28/13

3/1/13

We have no choice but to watch Rubin and Whigham play out the string on the magical peacock. Gil will be Gil, which means that weak, last minute gestures will always trump planning, attentiveness and timely interventions.

We’re sorry for the lack of comedy bits, we’re taking a page out of the Gil Thorp Guide To Effective Leadership:

“When life gives you lemons, slice ‘em up and get out the tequila.”