This Week in Milford

August 18, 2014

Do You Have St. Fabian Boy On Tap?

Filed under: Coach Kaz — nedryerson @ 6:07 am

8/18/14
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Hello everybody, Kaz’s earrings here with a special greeting for all our loyal fans out in This Week in Milford land. It’s great both of us to be featured so prominently in a Gil Thorp strip, even if, and this is just our personal opinion, it is a bit of a dud of a strip in that it doesn’t advance the plot and pretty much just reiterates the tired premise that Art Standish is a tool. Nevertheless, we are so happy that Kaz gets a right and a left profile, each of which feature us, along with our great friends, those wicked sideburns as well as the temples of Kaz’s sunglasses. How awesome is this? Probably the best day of the summer. Okay, we admit, Art Standish in Panel 3 with an expression on his face like he might have just sharted in his rental car is pretty noteworthy, but still we really shine here.

As you all likely know and have indeed commented on in the past, we have evolved over the years from some sort of hoops into sort of simple, small discs. Yes it is awkward for us too, but we are loath to explain why. It’s just something that happens in to earring community. I think we can all agree that, despite our metamorphasis, we still accentuate the hell out of Coach Kaz’s lobes.

Hey, it’s been great catching up with all you guys. Follow us on Twitter or Instagram if we ever set up an account.

Oh, and don’t forget, Art Standish is a douche.

August 16, 2014

The Receivers You Have

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 8:56 am

August 16, 2014

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I believe it was Donald Rumsfeld who said “You go to war with the receivers you have, not the receivers you might want or wish to have at a later time.”  Or something like that. In any case, none of that registers with Art who wants the Hershey kid on the Mudlarks so that True can throw to him. Implicit in this statement is that Art has resigned himself to go along with True’s desire to play for Milford.

How’s Art gonna react when he finds out Keegan is a multi-sport athlete? True obviously doesn’t care; he sees Keegan’s layup skills as a bonus for all the times he’ll sail the ball over his receiver’s head. Maybe True wants Keegan at Milford to serve as his wingman as he pursues Wendy Wiley.

Kaz is clearly on to Art’s shenanigans; I’m guessing Gil filled him in over Long Island Iced Teas back at the pool. It’ll be fun to see if Kaz, who’s already on the record (well, sort of) as wanting to see True come to Milford, will try to get the wheels turning to get Keegan in a Mudlark uni as well. So much potential tension here – between True and his dad, True and Nathan Hale, Keegan and the Wileys, Gil and Kaz. I can’t wait to see how it all fizzles out over the course of a week.

Today’s TWIM post is brought to you by “Tires” – the official tire supplier of BACKYARD TIRE FIRE!

 

July 17, 2014

Guess Who’s Coming to Milford

July 17, 2014

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So Kaz suggests that by not offering The Truman Show a “package” to play at Milford he’s somehow chasing them away? Milford High an SEC school or something now? Wouldn’t it make more sense for the presumably private, parochial St. Fabian’s to do something like that?

Nice form by Gil, even three sheets into the wind, BTW. Kaz doesn’t even carry a club but needs a golf glove to use his smartphone. Its superior screen resolution shows a player stiff-arming his way through a pile of watermelons but Kaz is already sold. The tension between Kaz (so tired of Gil’s underachieving Mudlark squads) and Gil (principled or lazy?) is so thick you could cut it with a knife…

… which is what Mimi’s prepared to do! As Gil uncorks the wine, Mimi chops up enough cabbage and potatoes to feed a small army (or those kids the Thorps have locked away in the basement). Gil only has two wine glasses out; is all that for just them?

Mimi’s practically begging for us to Google Truman Standish, so let’s do it, okay? Okay! Well, it’s not an exit sign on an Interstate highway in Ohio. The most we get is that it’s the maiden and married name of a woman who died in Missouri in 1894 – but also the first and middle names of a man from Pennsylvania who died in Michigan in 1904. That’s Rubin country and that’s good enough for me.

July 16, 2014

Don’t Really Want To Think About Gil’s Two Part Package

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, golf — timbuys @ 4:41 am

July 16,2014

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Today we learn that, yes, the Standishes are indeed terrible awful people who have come to the conclusion that if others are to benefit from True’s talent and effort, then they might as well get some tangible rewards as well. Or, just as likely, we learn that while Gil may be drunk six ways to Sunday all Summer, he can smell a grifter from a mile away and is holding off on offering these two anything based solely upon Art’s word that his kid is highly rated on the ‘coast’. Notice that Standish pere never specified which coast he meant. Sure, could be the East Coast, maybe the West Coast, of heck even the Gulf Coast. For all the context we’ve been given it could just be the coast of Lake Erie or the Cote d’Ivoire.

Bonus points: Hey, gratuitous golf scene! I’m sure the golfers in the audience will know exactly what that, to me, mysterious implement Gil is wielding in panel three is, so no Pantheon for it.

Also, after having to contemplate Gil’s package, aren’t we all glad we only had to get a profile shot of him bending over in his tight, tight shorts?

July 2, 2014

Sweet Ride, Sweet Gig?

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, Milford Weirdos — timbuys @ 4:57 am

July 2, 2014

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The 2005 Ford Mustang GT is surely an icon of automotive design no matter how poorly it’s drawn – is that a crawfish where the horse is supposed to go? – and well within the means of an assistant coach at any of America’s finest tank towns. So, I commend Coach Kaz for his fine taste in automobiles.

I have to question his choice of summertime avocation though. As Gil alludes to in panel one and doesn’t really make too terribly clear in panel two, it seems that Bob is only kinda sorta responsible for whatever is going on with these kids. All I can say is that if someone is able to describe your role working with adolescents as ‘sponsor-hustler’, then you are just asking for trouble.

Oh well, I’m sure that’s the last we’ll see of Kaz’s car and its appalling front end alignment and, for all we know, it may be the last that we hear of this whole ‘not coaching‘ gig. Panel three beckons with its abrupt segue into the next little bit of intrigue in our summertime malaise.

Two thousand miles away? Kid, I hate to break it to you, but it doesn’t matter how far you go, you’ll still be you and that is most likely your biggest issue.

July 1, 2014

Time To Stop Drinking And Start Hurling

Filed under: Coach Kaz, hideous scar faces, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 4:06 am

July 1, 2014

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Much like a Charterstone pool party punctuates each episode of Mary Worth, we here in Milford always kick of the lazy days of summer by getting blotto on an improvised mixture of bottom shelf rotgut vodka and store brand lemonade mix. However, after a good day or three of inebriated lollygagging, everyone knows that it’s time to stop sipping, purge our systems and get down to the deadly serious business of playing ‘touch football in shorts’.

Living in Texas as I do but not being a native, I have had the state’s obsession with football explained to me a couple of different ways – For example, I have been told that the three most popular sports in Texas are football, spring football with baseball a distant third. Accordingly, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to hear that scouts do indeed attend even the lowest level least organized games here. I’m somewhat more dubious about those prospects in Milford, where the team hasn’t won anything in years and, as we’ve been given no indication that Kaz has actually led any practices so far, is about to undertake a game with little to no preparation.

I’m even more dubious about the collegiate prospects of any of the young men depicted in panel three all of whom have the oddest ways of grasping their respective drinking vessels. The beanpole wearing a black t-shirt in the middle of summer has a particularly odd grip and, based on both that and the fact that he seems to think this is his ticket to a scholarship at a Division III school, is my early nominee for dumbest idiot of this summer’s plot. We’ll see how that pays out, though, as I’m sure he’ll face plenty of competition in the days to come.

Bonus point: Any guesses how Coach Kaz gashed himself while shaving? I’m thinking he’s old school and uses a straight razor.

June 30, 2014

Lemonade a trois

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, Mimi Thorp — nedryerson @ 6:03 am

6/30/14
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Hot damn, summer in a tank town, partaking in libations out on the deck, sweeping all the crumbs of spring under the rug.

What? Okay narration box, I’ll play your game.  Vacation arrives and nothing says summer like lemonade and….Fireball cinnamon whisky?….a scorching case of prickly heat? 7-on-7 football?

That’s right Mimi, 7-on-7 football! But don’t worry about what it is or anything, because we really don’t have time to get into it and besides, Bob, bless his pointy little sideburns, has agreed to take care of it while Gil hangs out down at the country club all summer, “coaching” Milford’s junior duffers.  (“Speaking of 7 and 7, mine’s getting a little low and Kaz looks like he could use some more lemonade!”)

Why can’t this summer be about Kaz, waking up with a wicked, spiked lemonade hangover and trying to fake his way through running a 7-on-7 football camp?  It could be like the 1987 Mark Harmon classic
Summer School. Kaz can bring along a dog (with a pair of sunglasses) and there could even be a player nicknamed Chainsaw.

June 24, 2014

GIDP Or SF?

Filed under: actual action, baseball, Coach Kaz — timbuys @ 5:07 am

June 24, 2014

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Contrary to my expressed hopes in the comments yesterday, it looks like we’re sticking with the boys team for the week. Luckey seems pretty confident, but then again, the authors seem to have gone out of their way to lower the stakes even more here. That notwithstanding, I would find it plenty amusing if, in keeping with the formulation grimness=reality, they keep it real by having Conrad ground into a double play when all he needed was to pull a flyball to right field to tie the game.

Tune in tomorrow when there is a 50-50 chance of the plot creeping ever so slowly forward and we draw ever closer to learning some inscrutable lessons.

Bonus point: the parallel rows of hair in Kaz’s sideburn are weirding me out…..

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