This Week in Milford

July 2, 2014

Sweet Ride, Sweet Gig?

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, Milford Weirdos — timbuys @ 4:57 am

July 2, 2014


The 2005 Ford Mustang GT is surely an icon of automotive design no matter how poorly it’s drawn – is that a crawfish where the horse is supposed to go? – and well within the means of an assistant coach at any of America’s finest tank towns. So, I commend Coach Kaz for his fine taste in automobiles.

I have to question his choice of summertime avocation though. As Gil alludes to in panel one and doesn’t really make too terribly clear in panel two, it seems that Bob is only kinda sorta responsible for whatever is going on with these kids. All I can say is that if someone is able to describe your role working with adolescents as ‘sponsor-hustler’, then you are just asking for trouble.

Oh well, I’m sure that’s the last we’ll see of Kaz’s car and its appalling front end alignment and, for all we know, it may be the last that we hear of this whole ‘not coaching‘ gig. Panel three beckons with its abrupt segue into the next little bit of intrigue in our summertime malaise.

Two thousand miles away? Kid, I hate to break it to you, but it doesn’t matter how far you go, you’ll still be you and that is most likely your biggest issue.

July 1, 2014

Time To Stop Drinking And Start Hurling

Filed under: Coach Kaz, hideous scar faces, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 4:06 am

July 1, 2014


Much like a Charterstone pool party punctuates each episode of Mary Worth, we here in Milford always kick of the lazy days of summer by getting blotto on an improvised mixture of bottom shelf rotgut vodka and store brand lemonade mix. However, after a good day or three of inebriated lollygagging, everyone knows that it’s time to stop sipping, purge our systems and get down to the deadly serious business of playing ‘touch football in shorts’.

Living in Texas as I do but not being a native, I have had the state’s obsession with football explained to me a couple of different ways – For example, I have been told that the three most popular sports in Texas are football, spring football with baseball a distant third. Accordingly, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to hear that scouts do indeed attend even the lowest level least organized games here. I’m somewhat more dubious about those prospects in Milford, where the team hasn’t won anything in years and, as we’ve been given no indication that Kaz has actually led any practices so far, is about to undertake a game with little to no preparation.

I’m even more dubious about the collegiate prospects of any of the young men depicted in panel three all of whom have the oddest ways of grasping their respective drinking vessels. The beanpole wearing a black t-shirt in the middle of summer has a particularly odd grip and, based on both that and the fact that he seems to think this is his ticket to a scholarship at a Division III school, is my early nominee for dumbest idiot of this summer’s plot. We’ll see how that pays out, though, as I’m sure he’ll face plenty of competition in the days to come.

Bonus point: Any guesses how Coach Kaz gashed himself while shaving? I’m thinking he’s old school and uses a straight razor.

June 30, 2014

Lemonade a trois

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, Mimi Thorp — nedryerson @ 6:03 am


Hot damn, summer in a tank town, partaking in libations out on the deck, sweeping all the crumbs of spring under the rug.

What? Okay narration box, I’ll play your game.  Vacation arrives and nothing says summer like lemonade and….Fireball cinnamon whisky?….a scorching case of prickly heat? 7-on-7 football?

That’s right Mimi, 7-on-7 football! But don’t worry about what it is or anything, because we really don’t have time to get into it and besides, Bob, bless his pointy little sideburns, has agreed to take care of it while Gil hangs out down at the country club all summer, “coaching” Milford’s junior duffers.  (“Speaking of 7 and 7, mine’s getting a little low and Kaz looks like he could use some more lemonade!”)

Why can’t this summer be about Kaz, waking up with a wicked, spiked lemonade hangover and trying to fake his way through running a 7-on-7 football camp?  It could be like the 1987 Mark Harmon classic
Summer School. Kaz can bring along a dog (with a pair of sunglasses) and there could even be a player nicknamed Chainsaw.

June 24, 2014


Filed under: actual action, baseball, Coach Kaz — timbuys @ 5:07 am

June 24, 2014


Contrary to my expressed hopes in the comments yesterday, it looks like we’re sticking with the boys team for the week. Luckey seems pretty confident, but then again, the authors seem to have gone out of their way to lower the stakes even more here. That notwithstanding, I would find it plenty amusing if, in keeping with the formulation grimness=reality, they keep it real by having Conrad ground into a double play when all he needed was to pull a flyball to right field to tie the game.

Tune in tomorrow when there is a 50-50 chance of the plot creeping ever so slowly forward and we draw ever closer to learning some inscrutable lessons.

Bonus point: the parallel rows of hair in Kaz’s sideburn are weirding me out…..

June 18, 2014

Tell Me What I’d Say

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 4:42 am

June 18, 2014


Hey, check it out – the boys appear not to be practicing in their uniforms! The verisimilitude of this strip is amazing.

Panel two – wait, I did the commentary on Gil’s little chat with Lucky just yesterday. Please tell us, what’d Gil say about groveling to Amy during that chat? I’m pretty sure that all we were shown of Gil giving Lucky advice was telling him the gist of Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff and, based on Gil’s rendition, I think we can safely infer that Gil only picked that morsel of advice up while glancing at the cover on his way through the self-help section to the free public restrooms at Barnes & Noble.*

I’m not sure what’d I say to Lucky in his situation but I guess the groveling tactic worked. It’s hard to be sure as we only have his version of the story so far and the notion that there might not be some lingering repercussions for their relationship due to his having ruined her prom by breaking up with her for the flimsiest of reasons may weigh against my statement about the strip’s realism above.

* That’s the one that still exists, right? I can’t be bothered to do the research on that…

On that note, and apropos of nothing other than it was an early inspiration for the title of this post that I never got around to revising, here’s some Ray Charles to start your day (if you’re reading this in the morning):

June 14, 2014

Clubber Lang(e)

Filed under: actual action, baseball, Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, Highlight reel — teenchy @ 7:19 am

June 14, 2014


The conservation of luck theory proceeds apace, at least in the mind of he who adheres to it.

I pity the fool who has to pitch to Amy the rest of the season. Luck(e)y might do better at the plate if he wasn’t trying to hit with a bowling pin.

Any idea who those two in P3 might be? Where is this fog they speak of? Does it have anything to do with that giant spider web Lucky’s swinging through? What fate awaits young Haskins next week?

Prediction? Pain.

May 21, 2014


May 21, 2014


Hey y’all, I’m back!  Didja miss me? Doesn’t look like I missed too much, as Paul Dillon works on a perfect game. Did I mention it’s been a perfect game? This is the most excitement Marty’s had in the booth in ages! Can you see the light in his eyes? Or is that just the reflection of the Domino’s Pizza box he’s had delivered to his cage?


Gil and Kaz know it’s been a perfect game. Look at them jinxing their pitcher by talking about it. What’s that? Jinxing a no-hitter is an ancient fallacy, one which players, managers, announcers, and journalists denounced decades ago ( Well, where’s the fun in that?

Now how will Lucky Haskins screw this one up? With only five strikeouts in six innings Paul Dillon must be a pitch-to-contact kind of guy. Pitch-to-contact pitchers must rely on the prowess of their fielders more so than pitchers who can throw more strikeouts, either with guile or heat.  My guess is Lucky makes multiple bonehead fielding/throwing errors that allow the tying runs on base; Paul loses his cool then dishes up a tater to some Goshenite, losing not only his cool but his perfect game, no-hitter, and the game outright in the process.

I expect TWIM historians will fill us in on the efforts of Mudlark hurlers Ernie Peters and Joey Webb.

edit, Pantheon of Hair edition: Nice forelock on Kaz there.

edit 2: Emphasis on Marty’s dice-like irises for effect, Dean’s Comic Booth-style.

April 17, 2014

Triple Double Flop

Filed under: actual action, baseball, Coach Kaz, What the hell is going on here? — timbuys @ 7:54 am

April 17, 2014


Let’s just focus on panel two for today. How that ends up with Lucky belly flopping is beyond me. I guess he’s ‘lucky’ that he didn’t shatter his ankle doing whatever it is he did to fall in the first place.

Aw, heck. Let’s take a look at panel three as well. I must say that Coach Kaz’s mullet is particularly resplendent today. Regarding what Kaz is saying, it sure would help if we had any sort of context – we know Lucky drove in two with that first double depicted yesterday – for lauding Lucky’s actions.

Did he get thrown out after that last belly flop? Was it a blowout and Lucky was teeing off against the mop up squad for Central? In what ways was what happened to Lucky the result of his ‘luck’ (i.e., was each ‘good’ thing preceded by something ‘bad’)?

Inquiring minds and all of that…

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