This Week in Milford

December 25, 2013

I think I know Why. It’s Funny. No, It’s Not. Annnnd Happy Holidays (updated!)

December 23, 2013
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Folks sure do seem to get pretty excited in the Milford lockerrooms after practice. I think I know why: because that’s where the vast majority of the ‘action’ has taken place in this plot so far.

December 24, 2013
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Thanks to Mia for letting us know that Wendy may or may not have actually been wisely spending five hours a day practicing dancing.

I don’t spend a lot of time on Facebook, but is it even remotely plausible that sending a friend request to someone after seeing a video of her dancing is a ‘good’ way to hit on somebody? (Wouldn’t she have had to post it? OK, I admit that I don’t actually know how Facebook works as I’m too cool to have an account.)

In any case, you have to admit: It’s funny.

Ooooh. OK, the objection from Winnie the Creep is duly noted. Fine: No, it’s not.

Anyway, I’m sorry, tough guy, but someday, somewhere someone is going to rub naughty bits together with your sister. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow but while you’re obsessing about that hopefully it’ll keep your mind off of thinking about whatever else they’ve been doing while watching that video.

December 25, 2013
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And, here’s our big finish! Happy Holidays from everyone in Milford. Mr. Bakst said you can all go to hell. You don’t even want to know what Elmer Vargas said when we reached out to him while he was shagging balls in the outfield for the Venados de Mazatlan in the Mexican Pacific League.

Also, during this holiday season, please consider making a large, possibly tax deductible donation to the Missing Thorp Kids Rescue Fund. It may have been years since they were last seen, but we need to make sure that they are not forgotten (as well as cover the curiously large salaries of the Fund’s executives – those holiday galas and staff BMW’s don’t pay for themselves!)

Update!

We have new word back from Elmer! There was a bit of delay as we had to translate his comments from English into Spanish and then back in to English again. After gently reminding him that it was Christmas, he replied:

Elmer speaks

I’m sure our friends with photo editing programs (and/or skills) could probably get this even better…

December 13, 2013

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

December 13, 2013
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I almost want to cry because it seems like the end of an era to see Coach Kaz having transformed his glowing red mane into this new so-greasy-it’s-blue shaggy pompadour*. You’ll have to forgive me, I’m too overcome with emotion – even after having asked for this only yesterday – to comment further. In lieu of words, please join me in pouring out a glass of aviation grade lemonade (or a mug of whiskey with a splash of coffee if that’s your preferred beverage) as we memorialize this dramatic turn.

[pours out a glass of Everclear with a lemon wedge in it]

Say, while we’re being all contemplative, can I get a little feedback? I feel like I’m hogging the blog and I know that there are others who would like to join in the fun. I’ve been checking the chat room daily before posting to see if anyone has volunteered to take a crack at it, but it doesn’t look like that’s being used anymore. Please let me know. As it happens, I currently have plenty of time to invest/waste on this endeavor right now, but recognize others have work/family/social lives, etc. that may keep them from posting in the morning as I’ve been doing. So, again, please call out days you’d like to post and I will more than happily step aside.

* I thought for sure that I would be able to find a Redmeat character to do a side-by-side ‘separated at birth’ profile of new look Kaz with but none of them quite matched Kaz.

November 26, 2013

Hamani rollover? Just one.

Filed under: actual action, Coach Kaz, football, Gil Thorp — jasbeattie @ 11:13 pm

11/21/13

11/22/13

11/23/13

11/25/13

11/26/13

Quick questions before I hand off blogging to a plethora of volunteers:

When was the last time Gil was sober enough that we could actually see his pupils?

Ricozzi’s? This is what happens when you veer from celebrating at the Bucket!

And finally, a car rollover, eh…? Well once that happens, this is bound to happen, right?

November 20, 2013

Not dead yet…

Sorry folks, despite my best efforts to kill this blog through negligence and inattention, I think there’s many folks who want to keep it alive. In a blink of an eye a month passed since my last post calling for replacement bloggers. A number of folks volunteered their efforts through e-mail or the comments section, so here’s what I’ve done: I’ve emailed out a chatroom link to all interested parties (no registration required) where we can hash out the details of who wants to post when (perhaps a different person each day of the week?) Once the details are confirmed I can then give blog access to all of you fine volunteers.

If you are interested in joining this chat, but didn’t receive a link from me, let Marty Moon know, I’ll send ya an email with the link. I promise we’ll get this ironed out within the next week before I go all Mr. Bakst on ya.

In the meantime, here’s whatever crap that is going on in the latest comic. Comment awayyyyyyy!

September 21, 2013

Next Week Oakwood Unleashes Their Frustration At Ardentia

Filed under: actual action, Coach Kaz, football, Gil Thorp, google nonsense — nedryerson @ 7:15 am

9/18/13
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Now Oakwood is on the move…until Omari Troy (apparently a Georgia-based criminal with an Atlanta Braves tattoo on his face) swats down a pass and Terry Gallagher slices through on a blitz….and gets a personal foul for a nut punch!
Yup!

9/19/13
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Hey Gil, lets stop trying to spread the ball around to all these guys. Poindexter Snordkin can’t hold onto the ball and Bismo Funyuns* keeps staring at that new weird cheerleader. Why don’t we just focus on power running behind the big, chirpy Troys.
Yup.

Marty’s Mom better check the furnace in the basement. I Marty has been overpowered by fumes.

9/20/13
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No, Tip. Just, no. (I actually remember sitting in the student section at Florida Field right in front of the cheerleaders and one of the male cheerleaders announced that they were trying out a new cheer which included the line “make them relinquish the ball”. It went over like a lead balloon. That cheerleader is now probably house minority leader in the Florida state legislature.)

9/21/13
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You guys can dig into the archives if ya want, but I’m pretty sure Coach Tod never looked like Ming the Merciless.

*Bismo Funyuns borrowed without permission from Key & Peele, raising the stakes in the silly name game:

September 11, 2013

Tip. Rah.

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots, Mimi Thorp — nedryerson @ 7:02 pm

9/6/13
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Tip. Rah.?? Tip. Rah. Big Silent John Pascoe, what say you? Nothing? Okay, Tip. Rah. to you then.

I’m seeing double. Too many Tip Rahs for me!

9/7/13
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Mimi’s already bored. Hey, did Gil record this interview back when he promoting the wrestling match, because it looks just like….never mind. Tip. Rah.

Kaz is drivin’ in his car
He turns on the radio
Gil is readin’ off the roster
On the Marty Moon Show….

9/9/13
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Oh, goody! Football’s on! Oh crap, it’s footage of practice.

A.P. Biology! Let’s dissect something, shall we? Ah, we have to start with owl pellets!?

9/10/13
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How are ya?! Tip Nunn stole Doyle Dane’s Bobby Bittman haircut? I guess he better pair up with big silent John. (Nice foreground outreaching hand Mr. Varma.)

9/11/13
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Koy Nash? Really?

Say, where can I get on of those escape key t-shirts that the moron is wearing?

Hey Moron, it gets better.

September 5, 2013

Who Doesn’t Like A Chirpy Troy?

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp — nedryerson @ 3:56 am

9/4/13
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9/5/13
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Is Marjie interviewing Gil or her notepad? (Hey did you all know that “professional reporters” use these really long notepads)? Maybe that is a really long professional reporter notepad and it just looks small in Marjie’s freaky hand.

Anyway, yada yada yada about silent John Pascoe, we were promised gymnast Tip Nunn working out with the cheerleaders and boy did Rodd Whigham deliver! Look at that lift! Look at that extension! Look at that one girl’s torso separating! This is the most excitement since that thing that happened over the summer. Why is Freckle Face so bored?

September 3, 2013

Back To Work

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Gil Thorp, Milford Weirdos — nedryerson @ 3:55 am

8/28/13
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8/29/13
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8/30/13
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8/31/13
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9/2/13
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9/3/13
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Let’s recap quickly. Cheer squad needs men, or boys, or gymnasts. Tip Nunn, somersaulting into the inky blackness of Milford Town Park Lake is an approximation of all those things.

Meanwhile, Gil needs a passer, some depth and mostly some size, so they’re roaming the hallways before school has started looking for those things? (Is that not the concept of “meanwhile”? )  They spot a shadowy figure, ala Cully Vale, wandering around the school and Gil almost creams his jorts. So he bolts over to Counselor Mrs. Macky to get the scoop on the big fella. First off, Mrs. Macky, really? A name lifted directly from South Park? Okay. Secondly, she is a handsome woman.

Meanwhile, at the Lake at Town Park, where school still hasn’t started, Angie and Maddie are employing trying to shame gymnast Tip Nunn into coming out for cheer squad by questioning his manliness? So far this fall is all about trolling for dudes.

Meanwhile, Gil has smooth talked Mrs. Macky into spilling the details about Hulking Size Model  John Pascoe so he could somehow be lured to practice to be set upon by a pair of mouthy jerks, Omari Troy and Troy Costello. (also, Kaz got a delightful heart shaped earring.)

Ready for some really weird football?

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