This Week in Milford

March 26, 2014

Root Beer Reinforcement

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Gil Thorp — timbuys @ 8:07 am

As of this writing, the unofficial results of our root beer poll show the venerable A&W brand winning by a comfortable margin. Barq’s (really?!) pulled into a surprising second place finish with strong turnout from its partisans overnight. I’d like to say this is a triumph for a New Orleans based scrappy upstart that doesn’t try to win popularity with trivial things like tasting good, but let’s face it, Barq’s is fully owned by the Coca-Cola company and, despite being fairly popular amongst the New Orleanians I used to know when I lived there, is just awful. My own favorite, Saint Arnold Root Beer, did fairly well in the comments section which just goes to show the great taste of most TWIM readers. Commenter Downpuppy stated that drinking ‘sweatsock squeezings’ is preferable to drinking root beer, so I guess we’ll have to count that as another vote for Barq’s. With that exciting update, let’s turn to today’s strip:

March 26, 2014


Huh… well, as exactly everyone guessed, Lucky did get doused in root beer, rather viscous root beer at that… must be the Milford local brand. It appears as though the egg rolls are headed his way too. With his luck, he’ll probably end up choking on them. Be sure to tune in tomorrow as we eagerly await the next terrible thing to happen to our good friend Lucky!

March 17, 2014

It’s Adventure Time! Come on, grab your… cereal?

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, exposition comics, Gil Thorp — teenchy @ 6:30 am

March 17, 2014


So the spring story arc begins with yet another shout out to Adventure Time, with an additional pop culture shout out in the form of the Haskins girl’s cereal.

Haskins boy responds by head-butting the open cabinet door.  Any guesses as to where this will lead? Allegations of domestic abuse? Concussions aggravated by line drives to the head? Milford dropping its baseball and softball programs in favor of Calvinball?

March 6, 2014

She’s… She’s… She’s Doing The Chicken Dance, Isn’t She?

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, freak hands, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 8:18 am


Let’s see… Panel one, Keegan defensively demonstrates that he’s dumber than a bag of hair. I get that the kid is a kid – even I have to see that – but I think if you’re old enough to drive you probably have the emotional facility necessary to figure out what you’ve done wrong here. Speaking of hair, would someone please buy Keegan a comb?

Panel two: Yep, that’s the chicken dance with an exploding eyeball thrown in for good measure. In the last two days, Wendy has gone through more eyeballs than I think we’ve previously seen. Someone send a note to Billy that we need to track this in the spreadsheet. I’d hate to let a record breaking performance like this be forgotten.

Panel three: Wendy wants you! …to know that her brother is hostile. Hostile? I’m not sure that’s the word I’d use. Maybe we ought to let her rephrase that. In any case, she should know by now that if she needs backup, the person to call is Shelby Hunter and it isn’t even close. Regardless, dumb as he is, Keegan better get with it. Wendy’s menacing left index finger resembles a one inch drill bit and Keegan is lucky his Adam’s apple is still intact after yesterday.

March 5, 2014

Do Not Mess With Hungry Ninjas

March 5, 2014


It appears we’re about to get our big payoff as a season’s worth of taunting induced rage is being brought into focus on the person of the hilariously stupid Keegan Hershey.

Oh, you didn’t know Wendy is a ninja? Check out panel three where she’s about to administer a death strike by crushing Keegan’s larynx with just her index finger. The lesson? Don’t mess with a hungry ninja.

I’m gonna have to declare a push on my bet that yesterday’s panel three would be repeated as today’s panel one nearly verbatim. It was close – hence my use of the weasel word ‘nearly’ – but Wendy’s vocalization of her surprise kinda sorta did actually move things forward a bit.

February 17, 2014

The Beatings Will Continue!

Filed under: actual action, basketball, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 10:26 am

February 17, 2014


So, this hair trigger temper runs in the family, huh? Seems to me as though Wendy had been keeping her cool, while simultaneously being on fire, but once we get the first indication of what type of dancing Wendy actually does, socko! A Wiley-family patented swingin’ elbow noggin floggin’. I have a vision of Ma and Pa Wiley demonstrating the intricacies of swinging elbows as part of the kids’ home schooling.

And, just in case you missed it, check out the knee to the crotch that Wendy is throwing in there for good measure. That’s some mighty fine brutality. Herk Herkelshimer himself would be proud. I don’t see how the Oakwood player is getting out of this with less than a mild concussion and a fractured wrist to say nothing of some bruising ‘down there’.

Are we finally going to see a flagrant foul, or possibly even an ejection? I already used the Malice in the Palace footage earlier in commentary on this plotline. Now I think I shoulda kept my powder dry and pulled it out here. Oh well, such are the risks one accepts when choosing to blog about Gil Thorp.

February 13, 2014

Ah, Chicago, Chicago, That Toddlin’ Town

February 13, 2014


So, in panel one, Wynn is referring to the video of his sister where you can see her ‘what’, right? Because if so, then ewwwww. Just when I think the guy can’t get any creepier, he goes another step lower.

Moving on to panel two, I almost laughed out loud at Wendy’s ‘I bet’ line, suggesting as it does that there are apparently several – if not many – of these videos of her out there and she’s guessing Wynn’s discovered the worst one.

Finally, panel three ends with Wendy displaying an intriguing use of an em-dash to punctuate her sentence. I have to assume this can only mean that her sentence will continue in Friday’s strip. Ooooh! Cliffhanger!

That’s all for me for now folks. More information about the use of dashes can be found on the internet! Take it away, Frank…

February 12, 2014

Say What Again?

February 12, 2014


Well, Milford has lost its second game of the season ostensibly putting them a game behind Central for the Valley title and it’s all because The New Wynn apparently goes to pieces when you tell him that his sister’s naughty bits can be seen online. I guess that’s understandable – he may have learned to control his rage but that’s no reason he wouldn’t still be fairly high strung. I’ll leave it to you guys to figure out exactly what’s happening in panel two just don’t say what again*.

* Link contains Tarantinonian bad language and violence if that’s not your thing… However, I’d say it just about sums up my level of impatience with the basketball plot.

February 6, 2014

So Funny That I Forgot To Laugh

February 6, 2014


While Jack and what’s-his-name yuk it up in panel two, Wynn has apparently decided to marry off Wendy to Keegan of St. Fabian, presumably to cement the alliance of their ancestral territories or some other anachronistic feudal nonsense. To the extent I can truly get bothered by any of this, Wendy’s acquiescence to this malarkey is annoying. Then again, it may be the case that she recognizes her slumped shoulders and crooked neck are the first signs of her impending spinsterhood and figures she’d better get with Wynn’s program before she is shunted into a convent to live out the rest of her days cloistered from this wicked world with all of its skeevy youtube videos and inept basketball jeers.

Bonus points:

Anyone want to take a guess what’s going on with the window (I think that’s supposed to be a window anyway) in panel one? As in, it appears to have multiple inset panes…

I know that the semi-parallel lines in panel three above Wynn’s hands are supposed to suggest wrinkles in the throw pillow, but I choose to believe that they are actually motion lines representing Wynn’s hands furiously shaking as he can’t help but keep thinking about that totally dreamy Keegan. Insert your own Hershey joke here. (On second thought, no, please don’t do that.)

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