This Week in Milford

October 30, 2014

Junior Achievement

October 30, 2014

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In the immortal words of Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent, “What the heck?”

Since when have high school homecoming king/queen/court elections been anything other than popularity contests? Okay, okay, don’t answer that. I see now that some of the more enlightened homecoming court selection committees of today apply more rigorous standards, including “involvement in clubs, organizations and athletics; leadership skills; community service; academics; and awards” as well as essay writing and panel interviews.

Nothing in this entire months-long story arc has given us any indication that Jarrod is popular, involved in anything other than football, is academically stellar, or has won any awards. We’ve been told he has “leadership skills” but they’ve never amounted to more than berating his teammates to improve their performance. (I can, however, imagine his essay: “Honest, I’ve wanted to be Milford’s junior attendant since third grade.”) Nope, the only way I’m buying this ridiculous plot development is if it’s part of a ballot-stuffing initiative by his teammates to get the pouty douchebag to smile.

Jarrod shares his spot on the homecoming court with one of the office staff at a Tampa elementary school.

On to the action. Glad the guy with the Toyota truck with the lightbar showed up again. Typically, Rubin sums up big Mudlark wins in a single strip – often a single panel – while losses (or unfortunate events in wins) get dragged out over days in Batiukian (Batiukish?) style. (Milford should get Westview on its non-conference schedule one of these days.) So what’s gonna rain on Milford’s homecoming parade this year?

October 29, 2014

Crazy Coy

Filed under: Coach Kaz, freak hands, Gil Thorp — timbuys @ 5:01 am

October 29, 2014

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Oh, the many faces of Gil we’ve been treated to lately. Dude is an emotive whirlwind.

In panel one, we get sassy Gil where he shares his suspicions that Marty doesn’t actually have a job. We’re with ya on that one, Gil.

Panel two brings us coy Gil. Ah, poor Marty, Gil will never let you know what is really going on in his heart. No wonder you have such complicated issues with both Gil and the wider world. Hey, at the end there, is Kaz agreeing with Gil or is he including himself as one of the reasons the team is so great?

And that’s all of the Gil we get for today because in panel three we get… Nightmare fuel. Here’s a tip: don’t read the last panel right before going to be lest you be haunted by this ghoulish triad of faceless cheerleaders. What is even going on at the end of the central figure’s right arm I can’t bare to contemplate further although you all are welcome to speculate in the comments!

October 21, 2014

Mama’s Boy?

October 21, 2014

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Lot of confusing stuff today, but in the interests of (my) time, let’s just focus in on the panel three horror show.

Freak hand? – Check.
Bizarre facial hair? – Check.
Exploding eyeball? – that’s a big Check!
Unbuttoned shirt over black t-shirt? – Check.
Weird details? (The same artist who couldn’t put a G on Gil’s mug manages to cram in ‘izz’ on the pizza box? – Check.
Utter non sequitur induced confusion? – Checkmate! I have no clue what the hell is going on here.

October 8, 2014

Couldn’t Quite Get There

October 8, 2014

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One of these days, I’ll make it up to all of you for the quick posts… but not today.

Panel one: Knoxious Folly can’t get the job done… maybe he should look into other fields of opportunity, like law, where his talents may be better employed.

Panel two: another middle panel close up. These aren’t any better when they’re close ups of Marty. I mean, I guess they’re better than angtsy teenage boy close ups but that ain’t saying much.

Panel three: Hey, did we skip over the week where True grew into a towering colossus? We didn’t? What the heck? Maybe Gil shrunk? What’s going on here? How many sentences can I complete with a question mark in a row? Don’t get me started on True’s left hand…

October 7, 2014

Coming Up Short

Filed under: football, freak hands, What the hell is going on here? — timbuys @ 4:56 am

October 7, 2014

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Some questionable artistic choices today – What? Don’t we all agree that the most dramatic images of any game are showing the ref after the measurement and then cutting to the announcer? – leading to a very unlikely plot twist.

First, how could True possibly justify ignoring the advice of John Paulsen, one of our foremost fantasy football analysts? That’s just not done! Second, where does the substitute QB who just joined the team a few weeks ago and is just now getting a chance to play get the notion that he can call audibles in crucial game situations? On fourth and inches no less! Sorry folks, the implausibility meter just spiked and I’ll have to leave y’all to discuss the rest.

October 4, 2014

Coming Wight Back to Wynn Wiley

Filed under: actual action, football, freak hands, Highlight reel — teenchy @ 7:37 am

October 4, 2014

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Remember back in August when I suggested True wanted Keegan Hershey as a teammate to make him look good to Wendy Wiley? Well that never came to pass, so True has decided to take a more direct route by sucking up to making her brother Wynn look good. Wynn’s more used to catching bigger (and rounder) balls, so he’s taken by surprise when True throws him one of the souvenir mini footballs the cheerleaders tossed out to the crowd at halftime. On the next possession True switches back to a regulation size ball and Wynn easily makes the catch.

Today’s strip is more notable by who’s missing: Art Standish, who’d be chagrined that True had to throw to a multi-sport athlete who clearly lacks his son’s dedication to his craft*, and Jarrod, who’d be pitching a hissy to get back in the game since True didn’t lead the team to a score on his first drive. I suspect Jarrod’s plotting to tell True to get Wynn to set him up with Wendy. Wynn will go ballistic on True, injuring him and giving Jarrod back his starting job.

 

*Where the heck is Art, anyway? Did Gil banish him to the cornfield?

September 20, 2014

Zing Went the (Ham)strings

Filed under: actual action, freak hands, Gil Thorp, Secret Thoughts — teenchy @ 8:01 am

September 20, 2014

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TWIM readers will remember the date September 20, 2014, the day when finally, after being introduced to him on July 2, we see True Standish in actual action on a football field. Then again, maybe it’s still September 19 in Milford, given that Gil is talking like a pirate to True.

Swashbuckling True sets forth to choose his own adventure. Will he:

a) thread the needle with a perfectly placed pass to Don “I deserve the game ball this week” Stebbins, who runs for a touchdown, earning Gil accusations of running up the score Steve Spurrier style and incurring the scorn of everyone associated with Milford football?

b) thread the needle with a pass so hot it breaks several of Don’s fingers, incurring the scorn of everyone associated with Milford football?

c) throw a pick-six to Oakwood’s #41 cutting in front of Stebbins, losing the shutout and incurring the scorn of everyone associated with Milford football?

d) re-injure his ankle as he sets to pass, incurring the scorn of everyone associated with Milford football?

My money’s on c). None will be so scornful as Jarrod “I was pitching a shutout” Hale.

Sartorial note of the day: Stebbins appears not to be wearing football pants but bicycle pants without pads. I know this was a thing for a while but the NFL changed its rules to require thigh and knee pads for all players except punters and placekickers. Wonder if this has yet to trickle down to the Valley Conference.

September 16, 2014

Taking It And You With Us To Oakwood!

Filed under: football, freak hands, hideous scar faces, Milford Weirdos — timbuys @ 4:21 am

September 16, 2014

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Probably some EPA regulation? That’s not how that works I’m pretty sure. Does young Billy Dee Williams there think that every team has a bonfire? I’m from the mid-west and I honestly can’t remember that being a thing anywhere around there. Living as I do now in Texas, I’m certainly aware of Texas A&M and their bonfire, but I have no idea if any of the state high schools do something similar.

I guess I should just be honored that I get to snark on a bonfire strip. You definitely don’t see something like this in Mary Worth. At least not yet you don’t.

Moving along, we get two panels displaying that ostensible leader of boys, Jarrod Hale. Let’s leave aside the inchoate rallying cry in panel two and consider the mania infesting this guy. Actually, let’s not: dude is an angle faced creep. We usually call that a hideous scar face around here, but I don’t even know what to make of the shading there.

Finally, Jarrod rallies the team in a more traditional manner, by calling out a recent arrival who wants to help them win? Yeah, sure. I think there must be something in the water that causes some of the testosterone addled adolescents in Milford to develop Obsessive-Vindictive disorder… Wynn Wiley being another obvious case.

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