Keep Circulating The Tapes

9/3/12

Time is getting away from the team here at TWIM, so here is as much random crap as we can throw at you 25 loyal readers:

Are those bootleg DVDs back there behind Terry Gallagher’s?

In case you’re wondering about the license plate, this isn’t the first MST 3K shoutout in Gil Thorp. The previous appearance of the license plate was on a totally different car, but to be fair, we couldn’t see the whole plate last time, so…oh my what a boring line of blogging. suffice to say, we are seeing Terry Gallagher getting drawn into football in some way.

9/4/12

Let’s recap: how can Terry get involved in football? What skills might he possess that will get him out onto the gridiron. We’ll put that on hold and focus on some odd language. What’s odder, the exotic foreign expression of Terry Gallagher: “Grand” or the home grown weirdness of Milford speak: “Buckos”?

On a positive note, it’s nice to know that Apex Industrial is hiring again, after the massive layoffs of 2009. Maybe they expanded into tattoo removal. What happened to Stefan’s ink?

Check out panel 3. Here’s one of the pitfalls of coloring this strip: Is that supposed to be Stefan Harvey’s hand or Chip Visci’s?

9/5/12

Is there another word to describe the Gallaghers’ accent other than “adorable”?  Who are these two girls anyway? Just random Bucketheads who are a Milford Greek chorus singing the praises of Terry, announcing his hotness as perceived by Milford girls in general. Perhaps he has no sports skills, but will be taking ‘em to the Bucket with regularity.

His first victim just might be his new pal Chip’s girlfriend Cyndy Canty, brand new Grandma and world’s biggest Roger Daltry fan. She’s eying that adorable Irishman like a plate of peanut butter cookies!

Whacking It On The Third Hole

8/20/12

Gil Thorp checks in to drop some cliched golf advice on Steve Boone, burgeoning one-armed bandit who wants to fleece some of the fat pigeons of Milford Country Club.

8/21/12

Play in the President’s Cup? That sounds dirty. (Has anybody else wondered if Noah Boone is ever going to make a play for Molly. After all, he’s like a two armed Steve who falls within an appropriate age for dating. I forget his age though. 15, 16 maybe? Probably too young for picky Molly….aaaaand I’ve already thought way too hard about this.)

Meet Pat Laske, Steve Boone’s opponent and recipient of what will certainly be some weird trash talk: “I could swing better than that with one hand tied behind my back!”

8/22/12

How do you play match play with a 25 handicap? Do you get to subtract 25/18 (1.3888888888888888888888888888889) strokes from every hole? In match play, you may not even play 18 holes. What the heck, let’s google it!

The USGA provides this answer:

“Handicap stroke holes are established to maximize the number of halved holes in a match by assigning strokes where player A most needs his four strokes in order to obtain a half on those holes. If both A and B receive strokes on those four holes, the better player (B) will have a greater chance of winning those holes. On holes allocated 14, 15, 16, and 17, A will receive strokes and B will not. A will have a greater chance of winning those “easier” holes. The result will be more holes won and lost than halved and the better player (B) will have an unfair advantage in the match.”

So that clears that up. Let’s get back to WHACKing it, aka  ”tending your own flag.”

Milford: The City Of The Sore Shoulders

7/7/12

Fun facts about today’s strip:

• First year caddy Noah Boone’s name is an anagram for A Neon Hobo.
• You can earn big money as a caddy!
• Dr. Jeffrey Zonder is board certified in oncology. Perhaps he should take a look at the suspicious growths on his caddy’s face.
• Ambition means one thing to Gil Thorp: Maybe this ambitious, sore shouldered gent can be easily conned into leading junior golfers in their swing drills for the rest of the summer!
• MCC is 1200 in Roman numerals. 1200 is the number of ounces of beer you have to drink before you can even think about writing a blog entry for this crap.

Hot town, Steve’s summer in the city

7/4/12

“Fore!”
“Actually, Teddy, you only yell that on the course.”
“My name is Timmy. And where are we if we’re not on the course?”
“This is Putterz Rooftop Sports Lounge, Toddie. Looks like ya wet yourself again. You smell like piss…Go clean yourself up.”
“Timmy. You smell like my drunk grandpa.”
“Here’s a dollar, Billy. Go get me another vodka tonic after you clean your piss-pants.”

7/5/12

Rookie caddie Noah Boone is possibly a living custom bed maker. Or maybe he’s deceased. Or maybe he’s some kid who has tweeted 2,548 more times than Gil Thorp ever has. In any case, let’s keep an eye out for that mom of his, who appears to be digging a grave for her mysterious other son, Steve. But experts say that’s what you’re supposed to do.

7/6/12

You may still be speculating what the deal with Steve is. But it’s clear to me, when you’re the 68-year-old bass guitarist for the Lovin’ Spoonful, and still living at home with your mom, you likely have a myriad of problems. Steve is like Marty Moon on acid. So…like Marty Moon.

March Madness Is An Anagram Of ‘Mend Ham Scars’

3/2/12

“Parker Ric letterhead tattoo permission something. Whoa Bob, what happened to your bicep? It’s freaky, like it’s two and a half times as large as normal.”
“Oh, I was fooling around with some ‘supplements’ I found in a dumpster behind the veterinary clinic. Can you just move your arm a little bit that way to cover that up? Where should I file these psych evaluations of the kids on the team I got from the guidance counselor’s office?”
“Put them over there with the scouting reports.”
“Where are the scouting reports?”
“Over there, wedged under the leg of that wobbly table. So anyway, tattoo kid went too far with this permission letterhead scheme so I’m gonna sit him against Central.”
“Sit Parker? Central’s tough, Gil. They have that Sanchez kid.”
“I’ve got to send a message to these kids that tattoos are bad, mmmkay, or forgery or stuff.”
“Are you as bored as I am, Gil?”
“Yeah. Can we send a tweet mail or one of those type things so we can cut to Marty Moon blabbing about it and I can take a nap and you can have that arm looked at?”
“I don’t know how to tweet mail, but I’ll got threaten one of the nerds to send one or suffer a massive beat down.”
“Good plan, Bob.”

3/3/12

Oh boy, oh boy, this one’s for the Valley Title! Basketball season is almost over.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We do have to look at some Roland Sanchezes:
Criminal from Modesto? Costumer designer from Lost? Miami Super Lawyer? Drunk driver from Augusta? Conquistador Dentist?

Okay, that’s done. Now Marty needs to slip into a sweater vest and wrap up this BONK slapping exhibition.

Tats All for 2011

12/30/11

The Ric Devore love fest continues!

I mean, look at him Marjie! Those freckles, that freaky hand, his science-y t-shirt, have you ever seen such a slender soph? We don’t want to tell you how to do your job, Marjie, but there’s your lead. Not this tat-slappin’ business! I mean, what kind of tool even gets a tattoo anyway? Oh, um sorry Kaz.

Yeah, well I hate my dumb tattoo. I don’t know what it is and I regret having gotten it, but you can slap it if you want Marjie. Do you want to slap it? I’ll slap it for you if that’s something you’re into. What, huh? Oh yeah, Rick Devore…look at that sweet wristband, soooo much cooler that this eyesore on my, admittedly much larger, bicep.

12/31/11

So Kaz was with the NCAA D2 national champion Northern Colorado Bears. That would have been 1996 or 1997, according to our crack research staff.

Intrepid reporter Marjie Ducey wants some answers though: Now about that alleged “barbed wire” tattoo, well okay, it kinda looks like you’re being treated with leeches, but what about that tribal thing on your other arm? Did you go full on Matt Prater crazy and just forget about it?

Oh Marjie, you’ll have to refer those kinds of questions to Coach Whigrub, he handles continuity. I think he’s in the training room or something, or maybe he called in sick. We’ve got to get back to practice. Flipper boy is almost done with today’s tai chi session.

Happy New Year everybody!

Even local soccer hooligans not desperately drunk enough to play for Gil

10/3/11

Why get Brody for whatever Brody costs when you can get Gus for just $1.99?

10/4/11

“Hey, I think I shoved that kid in a locker the other day for being different.”
“Neat. Hey weird kid! High five!”
“What five? Cows?”
“Score! So you’re a moron or something. You’ll fit right in on our team!”

10/5/11

Meanwhile, back at school: Gil has used the Google to look up  ”where can i find a kid to kick a ball?” and some mysterious thing called “soccer” showed up. Luckily he then managed to wander into the Local Soccer Office where the head  Soccer person keeps a Soccer poster about KICKING a Soccer ball on the wall, near his giant hovering Soccer sphere of mystery.

“Is this the Soccer Office?”
“Yes! However could you tell? Did you come to bring me a mug, so that I may give you one of my Soccer players in return?”
“Sorry pal, this is my mug. That’s why I hold it up so high. Wait, Soccer has players now?”

10/6/11

“Um…win the conference? What’s that’s like? Wait…soccer has a conference now? And guys? Focused guys? What is all this crap you’re talking about? I need to go lie down and look at my folders.”

Later…
“I know coach, let’s try something you already tried!”
“Who let you in here? Oh and yeah, I tried that already.”
“Wait you tried something? Who are you and what did you do with Coach Thorp? I need to rub my neck ’til lasers shoot out my eyes. If only we could hear about that Brody Abro soon, I’m getting tired of waiting for this plot to develop.”
“Fine. Can you go home now Tiger, I’d like to be alone with my cabinet full of empty folders that serve no purpose.”
“Hey, they’re just like you!”

Dragon Fisting: Enter the Rectum!

9/26/11

The dragons, huh? Well that must mean we’ve made it all the way to Kansas for this game. Luckily, we can add this result of this match-up here, (if it ever ends) as it appears it’s been left off the schedule.

Speaking of brain damage, hey look: Gil’s at the game! And he’s wisely realized that if he pulls Chip Visci out of the game now, he can send him on a beer run…after all, he does look a bit old for a high-schooler.

9/27/11

 

You can tell Marty in’t actually at the game. Otherwise he would have told his audience of none that the way Derek Tolan knocked the ball loose was by sticking his fist twelve inches up the quarterback’s rectum. Which earned him a loving helmet caress from his teammate. So when’s Chip getting back with the beer for Chrissake?