Slipping Off Into The Deep End

05/22/13

Weren’t we promised some kind of mock trial? Is Knocker being allowed to execute another douche move (and possibly screw up another lawsuit for the FLG) before Gil issues his “swift” justice?

There should be a name for this type of strip in the Gil Thorp commentary vocabulary. The name would describe a strip that has been predicted with complete accuracy by the commentary community and thus, when it unfolds before us, exactly as telegraphed, it just seems pointless. How about “pointless strip”? Okay, admittedly, the strip does have a point and it’s point is to drive the narrative to it’s totally predictable next waypoint. Hopefully, when it gets there, we’ll see something more surprising, or random or otherwise unexpected (like an exploding peacock). Until then, we’re in the horse latitudes of freaky hands, shadow people and eyeballs a poppin’ (and nary a diamond, gridiron or court in sight). How do sequential artists do this? Coffee cup, floor tile, hopeful idiot, wash, rinse, repeat, coffee cup, floor tile, etc.

Since ol’ Ned is being reflective, let’s also check our anxiety about what the summer ahead holds. We’ve had what, three straight golf summer stories? Is a golf story inherently bad? Does the very nature of golf suck the wind out of something bizarre or wacky? Have the golf stories so far just been dull and repetitious (volunteer coaches, douche dads and Molly)? Will we ever get Kaz solving crimes again?

The Color of Flub

As crack* field reporter Ned Ryerson recently reported, the Seattle Post Intelligencer (official motto: “We’re intelligencer than you!”) has a color monkey decorating our glorious episodes of the Thorpster. Today, I’m running those fine color versions…the down side is that these are smaller size than the ol’ black and white ones. Be sure to vote at the bottom of today’s post to let me know which fancy-pants version you prefer!

8/6/12

“Hope it’s okay that Steve is using the driving range.”
“For a wounded vet, no problem. If he was an unwounded vet, or just some armless dude, I’d tell him to go to hell.”
SHANK!
“And since he’s not hitting any balls on the course anyway, what do I care? As long as there’s no foozling going on out there.”

8/7/12

Do you think Molly’s sexy advance of removing her (cardboard?) underwear in panel one makes up in any way for her insensitive second panel question? Everyone who knows Steve is aware that he lost the arm in that wacky but tragic lima bean cafeteria food fight at Fort Benning.

8/8/12

To blur the lines of reality, Gil steps away from Milford to bring in real-life Michigan golf pro John Jawor. He’s an expert at bringing out the best golf sound effects in his students. Steve will progress from FLUB! and SHANK! all the way to MIGHTY-ONE-ARMED-BALL-SMACK! in just a few short lessons.

*On crack.

Domain Remains the Same…(or, outspending a two-bit operation by $11.75: Priceless.)

2/16/11

Uh-oh. A shocking, computer-related revelation! The last time this happened, the shocking reveal was that Cully Vale was a KILLER Gil discovered he had a COMPUTER in his office! I just don’t want to be around when Gil, like Quagmire, belatedly discovers the world on internet porn.

2/17/11

You’d think anything above a two-bit operation would spring for the $12 to purchase the random URL it prints in a newspaper comic. Because they have to expect that both readers of that comic might just then go type in LiniVerde.com to see where it goes. If said two-bit operation doesn’t purchase LiniVerde.com, what’s to stop a half-assed blog to purchase said URL and redirect it somewhere? Luckily for certain two-bit operation comics, certain half-assed blogs did NOT want to go on record as purchasing a domain entitled LiniIsaMolester.com. So at last check, this wonderfully insane domain name implied in today’s comic can be YOURS, if you want to help hijack a two-bit comic operation. Will YOU step up to the plate?

I spent so much time with domain purchasing nonsense, I seem to have lost track of the real insanity here. First: What the holy f*ck is happening here? Kudos Neal, for running the plot off the rails in a direction none of us predicted. Second: My favorite part of this is Lini’s reaction: “Hmmm, I suppose you can’t deny the premise that I’m a molester. But that’s not a very nice thing to say on the internet! I sure hope nobody reads the internet!”

O Come All Ye Mudlarks

12/25/2010

Well friends, it’s another Christmas in Milford and the kids are still AWOL, like Chuck Cunningham from Happy Days, Mike Douglas from My Three Sons and Chad Zits from Zits, those kids just vanished into the mists of narrative irrelevance. Some speculate that they are earning their keep at Camp Touchstone and the real reason Gil took the football team to the camp was that he had to make a court ordered visit with his spawn. We may never know. Only Neal Rubin has the answers.

Oh yeah, and the new character talked Gil into organizing basketball team caroling. So Cortez has some strong beliefs? I think he should have gone full out and requested they do a live nativity scene. That would’ve been wild. What we get is this cheesy tableau with Gil alone extending holiday wishes. Mimi’s at home drinking hot toddies and crying at Lifetime movies.

As my Christmas gift to you, I’ve dug into the archives to offer the previous 9 years worth of Thorp family Christmas wishes so that we can watch the family shrink, so you can enjoy some blasts from the past, so you can gather clues about what might have happened to the kids, etc.

2001

2002

2003

2004

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009

Over one million readers must be wrong.

First the exciting news…as noted by loyal reader Gil’sBarber, the odometer on this blog has recently rolled over a million page views! Wow, way to waste a lot of collective time, people! To put this in perspective, it’s as if the entire population of Detroit visited This Week in Milford once…then while most were horrified or bored and never returned,  a few Senators came back repeatedly, instead of doing whatever it is Senators are supposed to do. What do you think, Gil?

And now the bad news: Everyone’s least favorite character ever, Jam-Jar is not in fact dead, and unfortunately features prominently in the next few strips. Let’s avoid talking about him as much as we can…

12/7/10

Fun Blog Fact: Over one million people are currently simultaneously not reading this blog. The three that are reading it are already bored by this game.

12/8/10

Fun Blog Fact: Wilford Brimley is nearly 72 years older than This Week in Milford.

12/9/10

Fun Milford Fact: Today is the day all the local perverts finally grew tired of Kid in Tree and moved on to collectively molest Jam-Jar.

Bitchin’ Mailbag, or the real reason our government is a massive failure, bro.

And now  it’s time for everyone’s favorite feature at This Week in Milford: Bitchin’ Mailbag! (OK, so it’s never been your favorite, as I’ve never actually done it before…but hey, it will soon be your favorite, if you like insane rants. However, if you prefer not to read a 500 word diatribe unrelated to the latest strips, just hit the snooze button, I’ll be back with comics post real soon after this, I swear!)

Mark P: Look bro, bring Ned back. He posted his comments / interpretations every day. You are sporadic and inconsistent. You need to turn this endeavor over to Ned and you can supplement his postings when you have time.

Thanks for the feedback, bro. Since clearly we’re on a familiar basis, we can both call each other bro, right, bro? Well it’s true, I don’t ALWAYS post daily to this blog anymore. Life gets in the way of blogging sometimes, bro. And when one is blogging about a crappy comic for free, I believe blogging SHOULD take a back seat to life.

This Week in Milford is a project I started writing  for fun over four years ago, and I’ve been psyched that there’s been an eager audience that likes to follow along. The commenters and readers, (with the exception of you, bro) are awesome and they are what makes it fun to keep this trainwreck rolling along after all this time.

But last I checked, this isn’t my job. And last I checked, you weren’t even one of the kind folks who have ever  tossed me a few bucks in the virtual tip jar. So, bro, I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think about the frequency of my blogging. I asked Ned as a favor to fill in for me a few times. He’s done great, and if I ask him again and he accepts, I’m sure he’ll do a great job again. But it’s my blog. If I choose to post less frequently than every day, so be it. And I took the reins back from Ned in part because I’m pretty sure this last horrid plot was destroying the remainder of his soul. Luckily, I have no soul left, so I can keep at this crap indefinitely.

So bro, is your life really so woefully incomplete that you need daily wise-ass cracking about Gil Thorp? Based on the email address associated with your post, you may very well be Mark Pryor, United States Senator from Arkansas. Seriously? If that is you, sir, well then I’m both honored and horrified to be ranting against a U.S. Senator who called me “bro”. Is this the real reason our government never accomplishes anything…because instead of passing legislation, our elected officials sit around idly waiting for their favorite snarky comics blogs to post more frequently? Well then, um, that doesn’t surprise me as much as it should. But please, at least pretend to get back to work, Senator Bro.

If however, you’re just some guy who would use an email that looks like it would belong to Senator Pryor, then, uh that’s pretty damned weird. So fake Senator guy, good luck with whatever you’re up to, and please stay the hell away from me, weirdo.

[end strangest rant in TWIM history]

If you made it this far, congratulations, you just read the 1,000th post of this blog. No, really. Now I’m off to have a beer and then eventually write about actual comics or something. Thanks for reading!

Back for more punishment

11/8/10

Hey, I’m back, everybody! First, let’s all thank Ned Ryerson kindly for keeping this ship running during my unexpected hiatus. Ned should be lucky he survived, having to blog for two months in which I’m pretty sure nothing of consequence happened right up until Friday. I’m also happy to announce that I somehow convinced Ned to stay on board and drop a guest post once a week, most likely each Friday or Saturday. (That way readers will have at least one funny weekly post…)

As for me, well let’s just say that real life, unlike Milford, events occasionally occur. Luckily, I finally found my 11 ounces of green that some punk kids left on the ground at the park. Now all I have to do is go get it out of Chief Lind’s rec room. I’m hoping the whole stash will allow me to get back on the regular blog wagon for quite some time…

But enough about that. The real action today is at the FoodKill! (You know…the shoot-your-own-livestock grocery store that Gil likes to take that escort who looks a bit like his wife. Too bad that  since that unfortunate accident she has to walk sideways through doorways.) Once Gil defends his star player, in hopes of scoring some weed from him later, he must answer the real important question: No, not “Is this a war worth starting?” but “How many goats should I slaughter in the killing pen at FoodKill!?”

Later, Cody stands on the sideline, gaping in horror at the well-defined butt crack before him. He may need some medicinal marijuana to help ease the pain of witnessing that.

Blogger Felled By Circle Saw, Dozens Panic

9/13/2010

Today’s first panel was inspired by that great man of letters, Seymour Butz (author of Under the Bleachers, n’yuk n’yuk). Some of you may take issue with the electoral process used to choose team captains, but I for one welcome our new football overlords. All hail Exner and Tedford. (I hear Tedford’s mom brought a keg of Meister Brau for “snacks”)

Psst, hey Marty, that’s not how a thumb drive works.

9/14/2010

Gil: Sorry Marty, I’m not really listening to you. I’m getting ready to go home and superglue my chin to Mimi’s forehead and then listen to some Dire Straits on our new Emerson hifi stereo system.

Seriously, though, don’t Gil and Mimi look like conjoined twins? Conjoined twins that got married, had children and both coach high school athletics? (I smell sitcom!)

In case you didn’t notice the headline and the byline, it’s me, guest blogger Ned Ryerson, filling in once again for Jason. Jason came out on the losing side of a fight with a circle saw but he will be back as soon as he grows some new arms, get outfitted with some cool claws or learns how to type with his nose. In the meantime, I’ll be filling in (unless JamJar Gaddis assumes a prominent role again this fall. If that’s the case, I’m gonna pick my own fight with a circle saw. By the way, I did the required five seconds of internet research to see if people really use the words “circle saw”. I guess they do, but I’ve always used the term “circular saw”. File this under something new I learned in Milford.)