Slipping Off Into The Deep End

05/22/13

Weren’t we promised some kind of mock trial? Is Knocker being allowed to execute another douche move (and possibly screw up another lawsuit for the FLG) before Gil issues his “swift” justice?

There should be a name for this type of strip in the Gil Thorp commentary vocabulary. The name would describe a strip that has been predicted with complete accuracy by the commentary community and thus, when it unfolds before us, exactly as telegraphed, it just seems pointless. How about “pointless strip”? Okay, admittedly, the strip does have a point and it’s point is to drive the narrative to it’s totally predictable next waypoint. Hopefully, when it gets there, we’ll see something more surprising, or random or otherwise unexpected (like an exploding peacock). Until then, we’re in the horse latitudes of freaky hands, shadow people and eyeballs a poppin’ (and nary a diamond, gridiron or court in sight). How do sequential artists do this? Coffee cup, floor tile, hopeful idiot, wash, rinse, repeat, coffee cup, floor tile, etc.

Since ol’ Ned is being reflective, let’s also check our anxiety about what the summer ahead holds. We’ve had what, three straight golf summer stories? Is a golf story inherently bad? Does the very nature of golf suck the wind out of something bizarre or wacky? Have the golf stories so far just been dull and repetitious (volunteer coaches, douche dads and Molly)? Will we ever get Kaz solving crimes again?

What? You Were Expecting A Dance Battle?

5/8/13

Ease up and cut yourself a break, Jimmy JoJo. Now scowl for the camera and we’ll smash cut to the process server.

5/9/13

You got served!? There’s going to be a moustache battle? Oh wait, it’s that lawsuit thing!

When looking for a lawyer to represent your business in a premises liability lawsuit, it’s a bad sign when you have a meeting in law offices with huge puddles of liquid all over the place.

You know what they say, it’s not a high stakes legal battle until a moustache showdown breaks out. Ladies and gentlemen, Panel 3, an agressive Chaldean natural on Joe Joe Jarbo and the classic Gil Thorp dirty sanchez on Gina Nefertiti, counsel for the respondent.

Wait? What Bus Are We On?

5/7/13

I guess we spoke too soon about Ric Devore’s day in the sun. His mighty crack resulted in nothing more than a rally killing, spanked one-hopper.

Don’t take it so hard, Jimmy. So what if you booted that ball, we lost the game and that the boy attorney has resorted to in-game harassment. I’ve got just the thing for you. Pop a few of these tabs and you’ll be right as rain by the time we get to Milford. What? Oh they’re made in China, so you know they’re safe!:

Doubling Down on Douche

5/2/13

Ha Ha, it’s hilarious because Jimmy Jojo Shabadoo Jarbo thought Knoxious Fartknocker Foley LLC was showing some signs of being not as douchey as all other observations up to this point seemed to have indicated, except NOT!

It’s also hilarious because it’s just more legal mumbo jumbo that seems completely misguided and begs the question of whether the Foley Law Group has any idea what it’s doing.

Yeah, Knocker, my address is 1000 Cramitupyerpooper Lane.

Are Loopers the New Ambulances?

4/29/13

Knox Foley is an obnoxious jerk who peppers his conversation with mostly irrelevant legal phrases, part two.

4/30/13

Is this your ”higher court,” idiot? In this case, Shelby, friend of Darby, is telling you what everybody else is going to tell you. Your appeal has been denied.

Shelby also called you obnoxious and she thinks you’re a jerk, so your “fallback” position is pretty shaky.

5/1/13

So he’s catching a “looper” and throwing it to “second” for a “double play”? Have fun making sense of that concept and matching it to the panels!

Objectionable Material

4/26/13

No Darbo, he wants to go out with you because he thinks you’re cute. Are you expecting more from boys your age? Perhaps you should date older, more worldly guys. Oh yeah, that didn’t really go the way you planned it. Well, get used to it. This same band of knuckleheads seems to have you in their cross hairs and it takes more than a stinging retort (and the patented Milford pointy finger of doom) to dissuade them.

Dinky and the Knob, ladies and gentleman, with the sad, bit player, schadenfreude high five.

4/27/13

Well, Foley, how do you feel about animal husbandry?

What’s this? Fartknocker Foley raising his hand to smash Dinky in his stupid face? No, it’s a Gil Thorp gesturing hand (now with nonsensical pseudo-legal babble). Yeah, tell ‘em Knocker! Objection! Out of order! I hear chicks really dig that shit!

Down Goes Foley!

4/25/13

Another Big Outing from Bob the Big Knob. He had the Jeffs off balance, swinging wildly and missing like chumps. Speaking of which, check out the nonexistent game of Fartknocker Foley and the hair-raisingly icy shutdown maneuver employed by Teen Mom. To quote the movie, Shaft, “that’s some cold shit!”

On a side note, where is Jaxxxon? Did Team Mom hire a nanny or did they banish Jaxxxon to Chuck Cunningham purgatory?

“Let us contemplate the mystery of Richie’s older brother Chuck, who ascended the stairs with his basketball in season one, and never came down again.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, “The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz”

Tinker v. Evers

4/18/13

Wow, what an exciting development! It’s the return of the folded towels! Oops, no it’s the long awaited plot participation of Jimmy Jarbo, the heir to the Speedco (franchisee) fortune and also double play partner of the Noxious Knocker! Has the Foley Law Group already veered into shaky ground with this careless disclosure of information about a pending law suit? Will the drama center around Jimmy and Knocker becoming adversaries or around the crippling athletes’ foot that’s bound to strike them both from standing around in the locker room in their bare feet?

Now that is one gobsmacked Knocker!