This Week in Milford

March 6, 2014

She’s… She’s… She’s Doing The Chicken Dance, Isn’t She?

Filed under: Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, freak hands, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 8:18 am

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Let’s see… Panel one, Keegan defensively demonstrates that he’s dumber than a bag of hair. I get that the kid is a kid – even I have to see that – but I think if you’re old enough to drive you probably have the emotional facility necessary to figure out what you’ve done wrong here. Speaking of hair, would someone please buy Keegan a comb?

Panel two: Yep, that’s the chicken dance with an exploding eyeball thrown in for good measure. In the last two days, Wendy has gone through more eyeballs than I think we’ve previously seen. Someone send a note to Billy that we need to track this in the spreadsheet. I’d hate to let a record breaking performance like this be forgotten.

Panel three: Wendy wants you! …to know that her brother is hostile. Hostile? I’m not sure that’s the word I’d use. Maybe we ought to let her rephrase that. In any case, she should know by now that if she needs backup, the person to call is Shelby Hunter and it isn’t even close. Regardless, dumb as he is, Keegan better get with it. Wendy’s menacing left index finger resembles a one inch drill bit and Keegan is lucky his Adam’s apple is still intact after yesterday.

March 5, 2014

Do Not Mess With Hungry Ninjas

March 5, 2014

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It appears we’re about to get our big payoff as a season’s worth of taunting induced rage is being brought into focus on the person of the hilariously stupid Keegan Hershey.

Oh, you didn’t know Wendy is a ninja? Check out panel three where she’s about to administer a death strike by crushing Keegan’s larynx with just her index finger. The lesson? Don’t mess with a hungry ninja.

I’m gonna have to declare a push on my bet that yesterday’s panel three would be repeated as today’s panel one nearly verbatim. It was close – hence my use of the weasel word ‘nearly’ – but Wendy’s vocalization of her surprise kinda sorta did actually move things forward a bit.

March 3, 2014

First Date Follies

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, exposition comics, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 10:12 am

March 3, 2014

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P1: “I’m Hungry.” That, my friends, is what the cool kids in the literary arts refer to as foreshadowing. It’s a subtle detail that we might otherwise have missed but for the bolded and italicized emphasis on the word hungry.

P2: More foreshadowing!!! What wild twist is this leading up to? How will we be able to keep our nerves when the suspense this is creating is thicker than molasses gravy?

P3: And there it is! Wendy is going to continue to be hungry! Man, that is some first rate storytelling. Of course, there are still mysteries to be resolved such as whether this party is really just a screening of a montage of Wendy’s greatest ‘malfunctions’ and, perhaps most intriguing, who is driving the car as Keegan is clearly sitting in the middle seat.

Remaining mysteries? Why is Keegan manically grinning with his gaze fixed in the middle distance? What do all of those buttons and knobs on the dashboard do? Why didn’t Wendy eat anything all day and how badly has Wynn mangled her self esteem to the extent she can’t simply say that they need to eat something before going to this stupid party? Did the Milford basketball teams get eliminated from the playdowns? OK, for that last one I think we all know the answer.

Hopefully, at least one or two of these questions gets partially addressed in the days and weeks to come.

February 26, 2014

I Admit I Still Got Nothing

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Coach Kaz, Gil Thorp, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 10:36 am

February 26, 2014

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Sorry folks, but I can’t think of anything funny to say about today’s strip. I mean, Gil and Kaz’s matching bunched pants, beltbuckle and chunky watchband look is kind of goofy but not remarkably so by this strip’s standards. I did try to make some sort of joke based on some wordplay involving ‘hallway scuffle’ and ‘Harlem Shuffle’ but that didn’t really go anywhere before I reached my time limit for thinking about this stuff. As part of that ‘effort’ I did pull up this absolutely hilarious Rolling Stones video that I probably haven’t watched in at least twenty years, so here ya go:

Trust me, it’s out there. For my money, you can’t beat Charlie Watts’ deadpan mugging at about a minute twenty in to the video.

On that note, I’ll be heading out to beautiful Dripping Springs, Texas tomorrow where it’s been well over five years since the local distillery exploded. Here’s hoping the other folks pitching in on this have better luck at this over the next few days and that production of that sweet, sweet booze has indeed returned to normal.

February 24, 2014

Still Creepy After All These Strips

February 24, 2014

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You know what isn’t cool? Stalking your sister and demanding to know what she was talking about with one of her classmates.

You know what else isn’t cool? Physically intimidating her by smashing a locker while confronting her.

Not quite as bad but still very not cool? Jabbing your finger into a teammate’s chest for having the temerity to talk to your sister.

Don’t even get me started about how, on practically no basis whatsoever, Wynn has decided that she should be dating Keegan Hershey as we saw over the weekend.

In the long history of objectionable cretins who have served as lead characters in Gil Thorp, Wynn is rapidly climbing the charts as the most despicable. I am a bit surprised how strongly I feel about this so let me try to lighten things up a bit by poking fun at the artwork… Skipping over Wendy’s terrible pants in panel one and that similar but not quite the same profile picture of Wendy we’ve seen close to half a dozen times in this story, I’m curious as to how the blocking for this scene unfolded. Did Wynn magically teleport from behind Wendy in the first panel to locker striking distance? Regardless, in addition to his other flaws, respecting personal space – both physically and emotionally – is clearly not a strong suit for Winnie the Creep.

February 19, 2014

New Direction For The Blog: All Basketball Brawls All The Time

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Gil Thorp, Just plain sad, Milford Idiots, Mimi Thorp — timbuys @ 10:29 am

At least til baseball season and then we’ll start on baseball fights which are infinitely more hilarious.

Let’s check out this classic between Larry Bird and Doctor J:

Be sure to check out the various links added in the comments section from the last few days for more horrifying hardwood violence.

Man, that really puts the vicious hitting from Shelby into perspective!

What’s that? You still want to see what’s going on in Gil Thorp? Well, it’s pretty darned boring but here ya go:

February 19, 2014

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Let’s see: Snoresville in panels one and two. Nice to know that while Wynn can cut a swath a mile wide through the Valley without repercussion, when Shelby goes at it, not only does a brawl break out, but she gets ejected and likely suspended. Have I mentioned that the gender politics of Milford and this strip are a bit weird?

Panel three – Oh, thank goodness that we got reminded that this was all about that (those?) video(s). Now, if only they would tell us the names of the characters…

February 18, 2014

The Hunter Becomes The, Well, No, I Guess She’s Still The Hunter

Filed under: actual action, basketball, freak hands, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 10:29 am

February 18, 2014

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Speaking of the risks of Gil Thorp blogging, one of the directions I could’ve gone yesterday was picking at the fact that Wendy was facing Yappy but then Yappy appeared to be attacked from behind and that made no sense if Wendy was the attacker… But, your humble blogger leapt to the wrong conclusion and there’s Shelby with her head provocatively canted in panel one to deliver my comeuppance. For what it’s worth, her shoulders look a lot more natural than when last we saw the canted head, hands on her hips pose.

Leaving that aside, some fairly disturbing imagery here: The formerly ‘yappy’ forward appears to be knocked out in panel one and then it looks as though the shadowy figures of panel two are stomping her as she writhes like an insect. I can only imagine how a chorus of shrieking whistles (or a ‘symphony’ if you will) must have contributed to the horrific spectacle a la the violins during the shower scene in Psycho.

Let’s take it home in panel three: more posturing from Shelby and the unfortunate return of whatever those things on her shoulders are supposed to be, an Oakwood Rocks sign for some reason, and, apropos of yesterday’s callout to SportsCenter, we have an invisible Stuart Scott bellowing out an extended ‘Booo-Yahh!’

February 17, 2014

The Beatings Will Continue!

Filed under: actual action, basketball, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 10:26 am

February 17, 2014

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So, this hair trigger temper runs in the family, huh? Seems to me as though Wendy had been keeping her cool, while simultaneously being on fire, but once we get the first indication of what type of dancing Wendy actually does, socko! A Wiley-family patented swingin’ elbow noggin floggin’. I have a vision of Ma and Pa Wiley demonstrating the intricacies of swinging elbows as part of the kids’ home schooling.

And, just in case you missed it, check out the knee to the crotch that Wendy is throwing in there for good measure. That’s some mighty fine brutality. Herk Herkelshimer himself would be proud. I don’t see how the Oakwood player is getting out of this with less than a mild concussion and a fractured wrist to say nothing of some bruising ‘down there’.

Are we finally going to see a flagrant foul, or possibly even an ejection? I already used the Malice in the Palace footage earlier in commentary on this plotline. Now I think I shoulda kept my powder dry and pulled it out here. Oh well, such are the risks one accepts when choosing to blog about Gil Thorp.

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