Lest old Kaz haircuts be forgot…

9/8/11

Gil may have become even more transparent in his desire to get free manual labor, but he’s obviously too drunk to remember Kaz never even applied for this crappy gig…Gil just found him breaking up jerk fights as a neckless, sleeveless ump in Lane City, and after determining that Kaz probably wasn’t an escaped zoo gorilla, he decided to offer Mr. Barbwire Tats a job out of the blue. No kissing ass required.

9/9/11

So since this is boring and doesn’t advance the plot significantly*, how about we have a discussion as to whether Kaz’s hair was more awesomely ridiculous in those flashback links from seven years ago, or now…I’d say that while the fluffy yet spiked look of 2004 Kaz was truly something to behold, I’m also pretty fond of the rockabilly-hipster-pseudo-mullet-plus-sideburns-and-Superman-curl look he sports these days. If Kaz’s hair made a sound effect, what would it be? Discuss.

*Which really shouldn’t have been called out, as I could accurately begin all posts this way.

New Jeffs on the Block

2/7/11

In a case that would be a tough nut for Kaz, P.I. to crack, the Jefferson Jeffs figure out that when #11 comes in, he will try to shoot the ball. So…they block it. So much for the complex Milford game plan! Too bad their other plan to add multiple unnecessary stripes all over the court hasn’t panned out either.

To keep things simple and lazy, Marty Moon repeats his pose from January 25th, complete with requisite claw hand preparing to strangle him (thanks to eagle-eye reader Regina for noticing this first…). Though looks like he’s changed into his black sweater…I guess it hides the chocolate cake stains better.

2/8/11

Under the bleachers:
“Hmm, they blocked the shots of the guy who we want to shoot the ball. Looks like some other team is not coached by morons.”
“Well, they can’t all be me, Kaz. At least that kid on our team who looks like me can pretend to coach while we sneak out the back door. I bet we can still catch the tail end of Happy Hour at PUB.”

Meanwhile:
Kid who looks like Gil: “[Nonsensical coach-speak].”
Guy who’d rather wear a sweater vest and tie: “No thanks to whatever that meant. I’d rather wear a sweater vest and tie. And a scarf. Oh and then go metrosexually boff your girlfriend.”
Gil Kid: “Boff?”

Later:
Two opposing players occupy the same physical space. That’s a  foul! Defying the laws of spacial relations on the Jeff with a stringy mullet! That’ll be two shots from the stripe… Wait. Which stripe? This floor looks like a damned zebra.

Major F***ing Dad takes over

8/3/10

Hey, let’s play “Remember when…?” because remembering entertaining stuff that used to happen around here may just get us through another horrid waste of a summer. So, remember when…all haircuts were a discgrace in Milford? I think that was around the time Patton was alive.

8/4/10

And remember when Frank McLaughlin drew unintelligible, yet fascinating sports “action”? For example…just try to explain what the heck is happening in panel three here.

8/5/10

Remember when I used to talk about the current comic rather than living int he past? No, me neither. Maybe since Carl “Dickweed” Peake has so much free time, I should have him write the blog…

Carl: Hey, blog readers. No more f***ing around! Post a winning comment or I’ll rip your endocrine system out of your body and staple it to the side of my fist-bumping loser son’s head. Now excuse me while I go enhance my score in the Gerald McRaney look-alike contest. I’m Major F***ING Dad and don’t you forget it!

Return of the bald-ass mutha

2/18/10

Steve’s part in his hair is so low, I think the final reveal in this storyline will be that he’s been completely bald since he was seven years old. And after he realized his high school helmet hairpiece was woefully out of date, he needed an upgrade in style…However, he couldn’t afford a new wig on a janitor/assistant coach/newspaper editor/general creepy meddler’s salary, so he had to go with the comb-over.

How is “bald people” a final reveal in a Gil Thorp storyline? I dunno, but it worked before, right?

2/19/10

In a striking blow to equality in women’s sports, Neal Rubin shows that spending an entire week on the girl’s basketball game is exactly as boring as when he does it for a boy’s game.

Apparently she can work the balls ambidextrously

There’s no way I can read today’s comic without dirty, dirty thoughts about panel 2. So let’s just move on to panel 3, where I’m still not sure who’s stealing the ball from who, but what a sweet crooked afro!

Return of the Helmet!

12/24/09

What’s that I said about updating more frequently? Oops, that was before I remembered the holidays were coming up, meaning nobody ever does anything useful for a couple weeks. At least we learned on Christmas Eve that Cassie was not in fact secretly dating Gil, but a deadbeat 22-year-old pizza flipper. (You can tell he’s a deadbeat ’cause of that Dylan Bauza soul-patch thing.) Despite the awkward expositional dialogue, this is sorta close to promising as far as plot set-up goes, I guess. But no time to discuss further, because it’s just about time for….

12/25/09

…the annual Thorp Christmas greeting! Last year this was the only proof that the Thorp children still existed. But this year, thanks to their notable absence (and Gil and Mimi seeming particularly happy to have the house to themselves), I’m convinced that over the summer they sold their offspring to Marty DeJong for a couple of six packs and a bag of crack.

12/26/09

Do you think December 26th is the least-read comic day of the year? Perhaps Neal does, as Gil and Kaz pondering their line-up for three straight panels is even more boring than a usual daily episode. And Gil clearly hates us if his plan is to feature the two annoying characters of Jam-Jar and Bryce as starters over the probably extremely boring Micah and Paul. Annoying is worse than boring, right? Luckily something slightly interesting is about to happen…

12/28/09

…Another blast from the past, Steve Luhm! Steve pre-dates this blog, but only by a short bit…The two things I recall about Steve from his high school years were his enormous hair helmet (sweeeeet!), and the fact that he clocked a guy dressed as a hobo during a basketball game. (Presumably to stand up for homeless teammate Ted Pearse, but maybe secretly because he was deathly afraid of hobos.) I imagine he has to constantly hold his neck steady…Now that the giant hair helmet is gone, it’s thrown his entire head off-balance.

I’m ignoring the nonsensical dialogue and pretending that instead they’re discussing the upcoming hobo-punching tournament that has brought Steve back to town.

The Blaine Fowler Experience rolls with the party hair!

5/13/09

5/14/09

The most shocking turn of events is not that Robbbbbb is getting Wally Pipped out of his position, or even that the Blaine Fowler experience has the most awesome  looking mullet I can recall in recent Milford history. No, the most shocking event today is that GIL SHOWED UP TO  PRACTICE! What the HELL? Maybe he wanted to get a good look at that mullet of the ages.

Up Next: Gil Goes Bacterial

4/19/09

4/20/09

Gil’s gone viral, as evidenced by Coach Kaz’s Crapple computer with the giant blank buttons!

58, 372 views? It’s only a matter of time before he gets remixed in a thousand stupid ways, a la the dramatic chipmunk:

Please feel free to discuss your favorite Gil Thorp remix that hasn’t been made yet. In the meantime I’m going to sit here and quietly be both horrified and fascinated with whatever is going on with Kaz’s hair…