The remainder of the season has been cancelled due to an extreme case of ugliness.

6/18/12

Hey! Look! This plot is still goin’on! SMAK!

Is there something I’m missing here? SMAK!

Yeah, a lot. Jaxxon is clinging to the side of the bus! SMAK!

Oh no, I just made my last payment. SMAK!

6/19/12

“Yep, they’d quit this awful team to support you. You’re the team MILF after all. Thanks for wearing the shirt we got you.”
“No problem. Say, let me go thank some of these hideous-looking extra players…I don’t know how to thank you…uh… (girls??) for what you did. Being elected the team MILF is all I ever dreamed of when I boarded this bus to escape my mutant offspring. And now I get to speak with what appear to be a couple of tranny Lady Gaga impersonators!”
“De nada. Besides, we did it for us.”
“How so?”
“Well, we’re not sure if we’re technically girls or not, as Whigham forgot how to draw females after the first panel today. We’re not only horrible at softball, we’re horrible to look at. So we’re on a bus bound for the nearest cliff. Good thing your demon spawn tagged along…we could stand to cleanse the earth of whatever he is too.”
“Yeah and as a special favor to the readers, we’ve also decided to blur ourselves out for the remainder of the season…”

De nada indeed!

The one other thing? It’s a…thing.

3/26/12

WAP!

I wonder what other thing she’s referring to that we already know about?

Oh wait… this thing:

“…Friend? Jaxon need diaper change. Jaxon just blue out this one.”

3/27/12

“You looked great out there today.”
“Thanks.” [leaves]
“How aloof! She thanked  me and then left…as if practice was over and it’s time to go home. I wonder if she has a secret that the readers already know about?”
“Uh, she may have also walked away because you’re the most annoying person on our team. Or because you’re a dirty, smelly hippie.”
“Oh yeah, well then why haven’t you left, Tasha?”
“Me? Because I’m a mannequin!”

Twenty Bucks Says The Lark Kid Snaps….Easy Money!

8/4/11

8/5/11

Skavoots and Co. have been shown up and drained of cash by driving savant and Cousin It impersonator Molly. Was it fair? See previous post comments for the debate. (Yeah, it was a bit glossed over that Molly got to tee it up, changing  the nature of the shot and thus the bet. I think the general rule of thumb is the more you actually know about golf, the dumber these “actions” appear.)

For some more traditional This Week in Milford fare, let’s look at 8/5 panel one and decide who the other members of Raccoon Skavoots’  pig crew are. I say Hal Linden and name any bald guy wearing a flat cap.

8/6/11

Meanwhile…rageaholic Kenny is losin’ it! That’s okay Kenny. Go talk to your Mom. She has a well developed strategy for dealing with life’s disappointments and unexpected turns.

Anger Management Kenny’s latest outburst made me think of a breakfast cereal of golfing futility: Before you go out and stink up the links, pour yourself a bowl of  Sugar Frosted Duff-O’s! (Like your golf game, they’re shitty!)

Over one million readers must be wrong.

First the exciting news…as noted by loyal reader Gil’sBarber, the odometer on this blog has recently rolled over a million page views! Wow, way to waste a lot of collective time, people! To put this in perspective, it’s as if the entire population of Detroit visited This Week in Milford once…then while most were horrified or bored and never returned,  a few Senators came back repeatedly, instead of doing whatever it is Senators are supposed to do. What do you think, Gil?

And now the bad news: Everyone’s least favorite character ever, Jam-Jar is not in fact dead, and unfortunately features prominently in the next few strips. Let’s avoid talking about him as much as we can…

12/7/10

Fun Blog Fact: Over one million people are currently simultaneously not reading this blog. The three that are reading it are already bored by this game.

12/8/10

Fun Blog Fact: Wilford Brimley is nearly 72 years older than This Week in Milford.

12/9/10

Fun Milford Fact: Today is the day all the local perverts finally grew tired of Kid in Tree and moved on to collectively molest Jam-Jar.

Milford: Home of Pluggers and Clowns

3/2/10

Panel 1: Uniform? That’s a joke, right?

Panel 2: The girls take a break from their audition tape to the Clown Fashion Institute to talk about Steve.

Panel 3: Now I finally know what “The Scream” guy looks like when he dresses up for his weekly drag queen show.

3/3/10

“Keep plugging?” That’s all you have to say? You spend more time calculating shot percentage than you do coaching, Gil. Which reminds me of this other comic I saw today:

Mr. Wall Street will soon be hanging from a tree too.

I guess this conversation boils down to just how pathetic a town Milford really is. Apparently, it’s a shocking turn of events when a successful fellow with a good job on Wall Street is laid off and forced to move to Milford, slumming as a “consultant” at the Bank of Milford (aka BANK).  How low has he fallen when he moves to a town that apparently only HAS one bank? Pretty low, because they’re paying them in Nutboys (“Nutboy: It’s still a joke!”).

Luckily for the Thorps, he brought his snooty basketball-playing children of  undetermined ethnicity. As long as the poor banker can keep from blowing his brains out due to his rotten lot in life long enough for basketball season to run its course, Gil and Mimi may have access to these rich (and therefore good) twin hoopsters.

On another note, did you realize it’s nearly Christmas? If you haven’t found that perfect gift, why not order this for all the Milford fans in your life?:

Note that Gil comes hunched over and drunk, so he can be draped on any branch. (We’d offer a Marty Moon ornament too, but the manufacturer suddenly dropped production of him last week with no notice whatsoever.) Order yours today!

Revisionist Milford

What is freaky Gil pointing at?
I dunno.

What exactly is going on in the second panel?
Not sure.

Is “Galloping Giraffe” a good nickname?
No. But “Sack-o-giraffe” would be pretty alright.

Why are you not giving helpful answers?
Because as reader Ric Raver pointed out the other day, there’s archival shenanigans afoot! And being the crack* journalist-type that I am, I eventually looked into it.

So here we have the comic as it originally appeared on the 24th:

and here is what is now in the official archives:

Jeff “Sack-o-giraffe” has changed jerseys to correct his number! I suppose I could be agitated that the creators are going in and changing stuff after the fact…but I’m actually impressed that they cared enough to go fix the error. So do you care? Discuss.

*Meaning on crack.

It’s clear we have no journalistic standards in this town…

Panel 1: When you’re clones, you all get sad at the exact same time.

Panel 2: “Hello, I’m here to let you know that the letters on your sign are poorly proportioned.”

Panel 3: The dialogue here might as well be in a foreign language, but I do enjoy the retro lamp, three full cups of coffee, multiple stacks of paper, and yet no computer to speak of on the editor’s desk. (“In Milford, we can still do that.”) That and the funky shag carpeting. Maybe Brendan is here to discuss a follow-up story on the kid still stuck in that tree.

And now, apropos of nothing, I present “Easiest Photoshop Job Ever!”: