This Week in Milford

February 17, 2020

As Lame As Lame Gets

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Let me get this straight. Chris Schuring talked to Phoebe Keener to share his technique for improving his basketball game and Phoebe is passing it along to Alexa. This technique is move aggressively about in the hallway, dominating other with one’s superior size and agility. I guess it’s a decent idea to develop an instinct or muscle memory in a sense. Still, walking around in crowds of other people in everyday situations is not like being on a basketball court. It’s more like sharing the road with other cars and we’re all urged to drive defensively, not aggressively. The stakes aren’t quite as high in the halls, but some poor kid is probably going to get wiped out as Alexa embraces her inner road hog. Ms. Perrine almost went down, for crying out loud.

 

February 15, 2020

Phoebe’s Electric!

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Steve Luhm, Master of the Janitorium, has been keeping the halls of Milford High so shiny that Phoebe Keener can get in some Electric Slide practice in time for the reprise of the Milford/Goshen flash mob from a few seasons back.

 

I could be wrong; Milford could be replacing West Allis, Wisconsin as the home of US speed skating, and Phoebe’s working on her stride. Then again maybe those are figure skating moves, as her camel game is very strong today.

Any or all of that makes as much sense as the gibberish she’s doling out to Alexa Watson. So Chris Schuring’s little secret is to be an obnoxious jerk and start cutting in front of people everywhere you go? How exactly has that worked out for him? He had a good game against Oakwood but how did that translate from Gil’s directive to “pounce”? He hasn’t pounced on that punk-ass DeMarco kid yet, much less throw his weight around the halls. Better left to his flunkies, I suppose.

Even Phoebe recognizes this little head game won’t make Alexa see herself as less of a geek. If it makes everyone else see that Alexa is a person who won’t let anyone stand in her way physically, then she and Chris are on to something. Too bad it’s not the Lady Mudlarks’ opponents who’ll see all that cutting ahead of kids in the hall. Once Alexa’s muscled her way into position there’s still that little matter of shooting the ball, which Chris’ solution conveniently glosses over.

Speaking of Phoebe and shooting and apropos of nothing, here’s a shot of an Eastern Phoebe taken by son of teenchy on one of our side trips to Bakst country not very long ago.

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February 14, 2020

This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy…

Well we were going along just swimmingly for so long, then the truck went into the ditch. Chris’s hairbrained idea only opens up a new can of worms for Alexa, and why a level-headed girl like Phoebe even agrees to pass on this idea to her bestie instead of telling Chris to hit the road, is beyond me.

I kinda see his point. Like a diet– you have to not only change your eating habits, you must also change your lifestyle, otherwise the diet will not have a long shelf life and you’ll be back to your old ways in no time. It takes a while for habits to change.

He figures if Alexa acts like the boss everywhere, she’ll get used to it so much that it’ll translate to more forceful play on the court. I get that.

But his logic is just .. weird. Who the hell cares if she’s a half step in front of someone. SO IS EVERYONE ELSE!!! You got 500 students or so walking the halls between classes; no way is everyone on the same pace. She’ll quickly figure out it doesnt work, like a bad experiment. Then she’ll be back to her moody ways, and plus, she may inadvertantly knock over someones books or shove someone in the back, and the hallways of a school require a lot of courtesy in that regard.  Rudeness doesnt fly anywhere, no matter how much better that makes her on the court.

And how is a height advantage of any use in the hallways, save for seeing above some other heads moving to and from class?? My long legs got me moving faster when I needed to, not my tall body.

Hey Chris , as Clark Griswold  would say, you’re in deep.

 

 

February 13, 2020

Who Says We’re Stuck In The Mud?

Filed under: huge earrings, Milford Weirdos — tdrewhardin @ 1:17 pm

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The plot, as Teenchy shrewdly pointed out yesterday, detoured to the Steve Luhm Athletic & Convocational Memorial Janitorium and that detour is on all cylinders today.

And I like Thorpiverse’s choice of verbs today, ‘waylay’. Does THAT invite all kinds of possibilities. If this Pandora’s Locker were transposed to The Bucket, ain’t no way this TWIMer is going to open it. Nope, I don’t want any Bucket Octopus Triple Cheese Burger w/ Bacon, hold the mayo, on my table at the corner booth by the window any time soon.

Now if you have your Roget’s Thesaurus handy on the bookshelf by the fireplace, the one you got for Christmas when you were in 8th grade and never touched and now sits next to Cliff’s Notes on Treasure Island and Don Ho: His Life and Songs and How He Worked The Tourists, you’ll find waylay has several synonyms.

For example, “distract”. Not too bad. So the next time I head to the Milford Bullring and watch Gil about to get waylayed by an 800-lb. bull who is steamed that the plot is waylayed in the mud but some clowns contracted out from Milford Entertainment Services come to the rescue and waylay the bull back in the corral where the beast belongs, I’ll have a better picture of what waylay means.

Okay, how about “broadside”? I’m on a roll here. The bus transporting the Milford Girls Basketball team got waylayed by several bulls that escaped from the Milford Plaza de Toros.  Fortunately, no one was waylayed. Mimi waylayed the idiot who forgot the combination to the lock that penned the creatures in their place and was frantically trying to round them up, using Lassie and Benji in the futile endeavor. Hey, animals can waylay too. I saw Rin Tin Tin waylay his master in the Janitorium on a late night episode. And waylay can be broadly defined as body-slamming which Mimi did to the poor schmuck. There were bulls running all over Milford but Mimi was waylayed with satisfaction. Sometimes you get overcome with revenge.

How about ‘diversify’? Aaaaaaaa, not really. Gil Thorp Pure Pork Sausage Enterprises waylaying their stock into long term bonds and not getting frisky with the market so in case it loses its shirt on Milford Foundry, it can at least have something in the kitty in the future, really just won’t cut it. Better stick with ‘diversify’ and leave ‘waylay’  for, say, the basketball gym when Marty Moon waylays Gil after the latter grinned his way to another bitter defeat.

 

If ya have ta waylay yore mother-in-law ta the Janitorium whenever you and her have ta talk about gittin’ a job instead of havin’ ta go out in the woods and hunt for the groceries when yore wife told her mother she wuz leavin’ him the next time they had squirrel souffle, ya might be a redneck.

 

Funny that you should mention the word, “weird”, Phoebe. I’m not going to go through another analysis of the English vocabulary but when we have to settle the issue in the Janitorium, “weird” would cover it.

Is THAT a Ten Commandments for Janitors that they must obey that’s attached to the door?

#4-Thou shalt not bear false witness against your colleague scrubbing the desks after school lets out

#6-Thou shalt honour your coaches, your coaches’ wives, their children, their livestock, including their asses, and all the other members of their household including their maids

#7-Remember Game Day, to keep it Holy and Sanctified unto Gil, for that is pleasing unto The Lord. Thou shalt buffereth after the contest.

#8-Thou shalt keep the toilets clean for I am a jealous Gil and will bear no stench before its time, remembering particularly the WC in my office. Renuzit killeth the stink and is sweetness unto The Lord.

 

I can’t remember the others, I had to jot down what I could quickly before the next bell rang.

 

Luhm does seem to stock a good game. I liked his pile-up of Pabst Blue Ribbon next to the Borax Tile Floor Cleaning Solution. Or is that Pine-Sol? Either way, after you’ve pried the chewing gum from under the overhead projector and wiped the blackboard displaying Einstein’s Theory of Relativity with those Terry cloths on the right, it’s Miller time.

 

At the Milford Beverage Warehouse drive-thru

WE’RE SORRY WE CAN’T FIT THE TOILET THROUGH THE WINDOW YOU’LL HAVE TO DRIVE UP FRONT

 

Still trying to figure out how Thorpiverse joined two levers with the pelvic area and call that Phoebe’s butt with a straight face, I am just absolutely nonplussed by her comment in P2.

What sports strip are you watching, Phoebe????? You haven’t noticed Alexa spilling her guts out because she’s probing why she won’t shoot when open? That the reason she won’t shoot the breakaway lay-up after stealing the pass is because she got goggle-eyed after a Jeopardy! episode and was the cow that got Circle W branded on her head by Roy Rogers? And you’re her best friend. You’ve been buried in one study group too many, evidently.

Not that I’m wild about what’s about to unfold from Chris. Haven’t we already determined the culprit? That it was Alex Trabek in the Living Room with a Basketball? That it was used more as a murder weapon than a thing you bounced several times before you shoot a free throw?

What’s next, she won’t get a hand in her opponent’s face because she saw Bob Barker do that to a contestant when the latter was trying to guess the actual retail price on the Whirlpool Set It and Forget It Washing Machine?

ALEXA WATSON, COME ON DOWN YOU’RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON THE PLOT IS RIGHT

I can see why she had nightmares.

 

On a Jeopardy! episode late one night on WDIG

“I’ll take Civil War Movies for $500”

“In this film, the Tara was ravaged and overrun when the Union army came to call and Scarlett O’ Hara married Rhett Butler instead of Ashley Wilkes, Mimi?”

“What is ‘Remember the Titans’?”

“No, sorry, that is incorrect, Maureen?”

“What is ‘Gone With The Wind’?”

“Yes, that is correct. At $500, that brings your total winnings to $10,935. You need to get out more, Mimi.”

 

Don’t even go there with P3. I’m not EVEN going to try to decipher the leer that Mr. Schuring is positing with, we assume, Phoebe Keener.

The Evil Eye could run the gamut from “I want to get in your pants and the Janitorium is the perfect place to do it” to “You dare question me after I have finished the Freudian Psychoanalysis Course, complete with 8 Audio-Cassettes, that I borrowed at the library?”.

But we’re more than likely to get our answer tomorrow and much quicker than either team will return to the floor TO PLAY BASKETBALL, one of the raison d’etre’s of this strip. This better be good.

 

Today’s Black History Month installment is Countee Cullen, an astute poet and novelist. Cullen was adopted at an early age and became a towering intellect as he got older. His poetry displays his acumen, among poems such as “Yet Do I Marvel”, “Heritage”, and “The Black Christ”. He also wrote novels, though not as much as poetry, but selections such as “One Way to Heaven”, which I have personally read, further convinced me why he was a major player in the Harlem Renaissance. He could explain incidents with razor-sharp perceptions. In one scene, when it was time to go home t a church service, the elders flipped the lights on and off in the middle of a conversation he had with a fellow churchgoer. His poetry and stories had life down cold.

A Harvard student and deservedly so, please join me in saluting one of the greats in literature and who became a credit to all of humanity. The stage is yours, Mr. Cullen.

 

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of “Luhm’s Closet” after these messages. This is WDIG-TV.”

 

“Honeyyyyyyyyyyyy, we have a date with destinnnnnyyyyyyyyy. Up to the bedroom you gooooooooo.”

“Not now, Mrs. Shaw. I’m installing these windows in the living room. I want a room with a view.”

“Darling, using a sledge hammer on the window frames just to see the Milford water tower isn’t my idea of the Grand Canyon.”

“That’s what you think. Why, when I get done, it’ll be a day in Paradise. And I got a great deal from Milford WindowsPlus. If I make a nominal minimum purchase, they’ll only charge $119 to install it. I didn’t have to put the second vehicle up for collateral. And we’re talkin’ Turn of the Century decor. Just think, I’ll watch the same things that Theodore Roosevelt watched out the window. And he didn’t have ESPN back then.”

“Honey, tell the installer to pack up his tool box and go home and take care of his own ED problems and come to beddyy-byyyyyyyyyy.”

“And miss out on what Mrs. Kravits is doing across the street???? No way, Jose. Turnabout is fair play. She’s been snooping on us and Darren Stevens’ abode for too damn long. And with 100% financing with no payments and no interest for 12 months, I can see why Mr. Kravits has his own Erectile problems. God, if I had to go to bed with a woman who spends more time spying than gettin’ it on with her man, I’d be camping in the mall by the Milford Men’s Clinic entrance too. Those Anderson Windows will make the scene bright and shiny. And they have a money-back guarantee. If you don’t laugh your ass off at Mrs. Kravits’ tankin’ it because the window’s too streaky-”

“Honey, if the WindowsPlus man doesn’t leave, I’ll tell him about YOUR pelvic thrusts.”

 

“Face it, I wasn’t about to spill the beans to someone who nuked my scenery just so I could get a better view. I marched my butt down to Milford Men’s Clinic where their treatment programs are equalled by none. Now, me and Mrs. Shaw trip the light fantastic every night. We just make sure the Anderson windows are blocked by the curtains so that Mrs. Kravits don’t get no ideas.

Come on down to the Clinic today so that Mrs. Kravits won’t know what hit her.

 

Gang, have at it. You mean the world to me. I’m still going to try to figure out Chris’ Evil Eye but you mean the world to me.

Maybe he’s hungry.

February 12, 2020

It’s not often a lame joke gets called out as a lame joke in Milford

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Where we went: Alexa is hung up on an offhand remark third-grader Chris made to her third-grader self nine years ago. She’s let it affect her self-perception ever since.

Where we could have gone: The white boy who watches Jeopardy! is labeled “smart” and the black girl who watches Jeopardy! is labeled “geeky,” at least by the black girl in her own mind. Apparently nobody else got that message, or else they did and they’ve been keeping it on the down low. So much to mine here; looks like we won’t.

Where we’re going instead: To the Milford High Sanitorium  – or is that “Janitorium”? Luhm’s full janitorial arsenal is on open display above his perpetually shiny handiwork. Phoebe, who has to keep telling Alexa she’s her best friend every other time she opens her mouth, is going to play some sort of intermediary between Chris and Alexa. Maybe Chris wants to ask Alexa to the prom? Share his study guide for AP Western Civilization? Get Phoebe in the Janitorium alone, forcing her to make a tough decision between hooking up with the Mudlark QB and professing her secret love for the one she’s constantly reminding she’s her bestie?

Rubin was doing a good job keeping this story arc between the ditches, but now he’s perilously close to letting it run into the berm. Stick around to watch; I’m planning on it.

February 11, 2020

He Was Beaver And I Was Mickey Mouse.

Filed under: Gil Thorp, huge earrings, huge hats, Milford Idiots — tdrewhardin @ 9:52 am

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Now let me get this straight. Alexa is refusing to shoot the ball down low, or at all, because she has these flashbacks of her and Chris on the playground and the comment was the equivalent of “Your mother watches Jeopardy! while eating popcorn with no butter”. Boy, that cuts deep.

And Freudian analysis, designed to get to the bottom of the problem by essentially talking about what’s on your mind and, for that matter, the first thing on your mind, is a wonderful concept and it has, to risk understating the issue, helped untold numbers of humans the world over.

But we could have been spared this fledgling attempt at probing the inner soul of a one Alexa Watson as she lies on the couch in suspended animation if Mimi did any coaching and sat her butt down when Alexa was not doing as instructed.

No, we have to play doctor at the coffee shop at the expense of Mr. Hart and Kingsfield and his tacky bow tie he wore while employing the Socratic Method so we can play contestants at the playground. I really honestly thought this was gonna turn ugly and the reason why she was gun-shy was because when she was in second grade, she was practicing on her Nerfhoop and the same demon in The Exorcist came to Alexa’s house to turn up the screws on defense. Get it outta my house, Alexa, and your mother eats Twinkies in Hell. Y’know, I wouldn’t shoot another Nerfball even if it WAS in the category on Jeopardy!

“I’ll take Nerfball Tournaments for $200”

“In this city, the town threatened to run the coach out of town because his leadership was in severe doubt and the Nerfball All-Comers Invitational was drawing more at the gate-”

BING

“Yes, Chris?”

“What is Hickory High?”

“No, I’m sorry, that is incorrect. Jughead?”

“What is Milford High?”

“You are correct. Norman Dale was eventually exonerated.”

 

Today’s headline in the Milford Enquirer

“Coach Thorp Ousted On ‘Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?'”

sub headline

“I thought Kokomo was the capital of North Dakota. I need to update my almanac.”

 

Then we are confronted with Beaver as if he had just got ran over by a Mack truck in P1. Now, to be fair, Gil coaches like he got flattened by a Greyhound (Mimi, Trailways, same difference) , but we can always check the sports pages in the local papers to get the bitter taste in our mouths. Watching our favorite team ride the wave to victory because somebody knew what he or she was doing always gives us warm fuzzies, especially after we watch Gil or Mimi smile their way to another loss. Being a milquetoast is a premium at Milford.

But what do you do with a boy who’s fixated on the headlights of Gil’s Lexus? Okay, so it’s Milford Elementary but, Gang, PRETEND. Gil is at the school during 3rd Grade P.E. trying to smile his way to more players in his feeder system. They gotta learn at an early age how to flash them pearly whites after they got their asses handed to them or they’ll never know what to do when they get their asses handed to them on the J.V. or Varsity level. I wouldn’t know what to do without the proper instruction. I don’t want to get caught scratching my butt after a loss and showing the oppponent I’m clueless and don’t know how to implement good sportsmanship. Thank God there’s a teacher who instructs me on how to be classy when I’m getting body-slammed.

ANYWAY, Beaver pursuing The Omega Man after he just insulted (?) Alexa and called her Deep Blue to her face just doesn’t make for Classic TV.

“Ward, I’m concerned. Beaver has been hanging around the zombies lately and yesterday they trashed Eddie Haskell’s house and ate their parents.”

“Nonsense, June, it’s just a passing phase. I’m sure Beaver will grow out of it.”

 

And I just can’t see it

“Nyah, nyah, nyah, NYAH, nyah, you watch Jeopardy!!!!!!!!!!”

“And Alex Trabek has cooties!!!!!!!!!! Ooooooooooo.”

Playground action and dialogue that’ll bring memories.

 

If ya is able ta answer all the questions in the “Specimens of Deer” category, includin’ the Daily Double by answerin’ ‘What is a white tail’ ta the “It darts out by night by the Milford Industrial Complex” and get the final answer  kerrect and win the game cuz ya know fer a fact Izaak Walton ain’t related ta John-Boy, ya might be a redneck.

 

“Izaak is often confused with this poor family who lives on Walton’s Mountain from a popular TV show that ran primarily through the ’70’s, Gil.”

“What is ‘Eight is Enough’?”

“No, sorry, that is incorrect, Kaz?”

“What is ‘All in the Family’?”

 

No way can I see this

CARRIE WHITE BURNS IN HELL BECAUSE HER MOTHER SAID SHE HAD DIRTY PILLOWS AND COMPUTER DENTURES

Aside from not seeing Alexa getting dragged down to Carrie’s domicile because she strayed too far instead of shooting the easy bank as originally outlined by Mimi,

HOW THE HELL CAN YOU FIT CARRIE WHITE ET AL BURNS IN HELL ETC. all on a sign that’s about the same size as Phoebe’s hat????

Trust me, this is NOT the rough draft of an Alfred Hitchcock Stories That Are Scarier Than Gil’s Leadership tale. Okay, Alexa, if you still wet the bed every night because you’re still having nightmares of Norman Bates in 3rd grade stabbing you and calling you Hewlett-Packard Head while you’re on the teeter-totter or when he’s a teenager and you’re practicing sticking your butt out on block-out drills, it may indeed be a personal demon to you but to the readership it’s like the Norman Crusade on a mission to napalm the Salvation Army.

You can get a second opinion from The Blob in the background, if you like. You better hurry, it may go outside on the verandah and dine al fresco. I understand The Blob ordered tortellini, Grippo’s Bar-B-Q Chips and some white chocolate latte. No cream, thank you, The Blob’s on a diet.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PHOEBE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE BLOB CALLED ME HAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN I FACE MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“No worries, Alexa, I’ll have the coffee shoppe turn on the air conditioner. It’s vulnerable to the cold.”

 

“Coach Thorp sucks, Coach Thorp sucks, Coach Thorp…”

“Ward, he’s still hanging around with the zombies. I’d rather he hang around with the Mods.”

“I agree, June. Personally, I like Quadrophenia. Why, I hear Wally play Can You See The Real Me on the drum kit I gave him for Christmas all the time.”

 

Man o Man. P3 reminds of when I was a teenager and all the other teenagers at my high school never admitted watching “Batman”, as if watching The Joker boil The Caped Crusaders in a vat of Bucket Tex-Mex Sauce violated our rite of passage. Yeah, you’re too old to watch that campy Superhero stuff. And the chinks in the armor, hoo boy. I saw Robin’s crack while he was entering the window after they’d scaled that wall, having a conversation with Gil in that porthole normally reserved for celebrities. And they really didn’t hit The Penguin over the head with a Hillerich & Bradsby, I saw Milford Sporting Goods, Inc. wiffleball bat on the label.

And I could buy into that logic were it not for the fact that those uttering J’accuse could describe every episode. How The Riddler came in and raped Aunt Harriet while she was getting a perm, how Egghead robbed the semi on its way to delivering Bucket Grade A Eggs, how Catwoman climbed the walls at Milford Girls Gym because Batman was the only one at the games and it was a perfect time for Catwoman to pounce on Batman and scratch him silly so that he looked like roadkill. Slow painful death, you understand.

At the Thorp residence one night

“Gil, what happened to your hair?”

 

And then, of course, we got older and graduated to expressing remorse and shame whenever USWA Wrestling came on. Oh no, I didn’t see Jerry Lawler and Jeff Jarrett in a Texas Tornado Match with Gil and Kaz. I got my pride. BTW, who won?

You get the idea.

So the next time anyone asks you if you watch Jeopardy! as if that’s what the hipsters DON’T watch, they have better things to do, such as attend Dr. Pearl’s staff meetings, swallow your pride and admit it, then look for clues that will display cracks in the system. If they gave Jeopardy! board game to the milkman while he was delivering sour cream and 2% lowfat for Milford Dairy, you caught ’em red-handed.

 

Today’s Black History Month installment is Lenny Wilkens, a VERY well-respected player in college basketball and the NBA and likewise as a coach in the NBA.

Wilkens played for Providence as a feisty point guard, doing it all in scoring and assists while leading the team to victory along the way. He continued his stellar play in the NBA but also became coach along the way, player-coach the last few years of his playing career.

When he retired as a player, he didn’t miss a beat as a full-time coach. At a time when head coaching jobs were far and few between for African-Americans, Wilkens bristled whenever anyone pointed out he was paving the way. Never one to try to send a message, his quiet and easy-going yet fiercly competitive streak garnered respect around the League from players and coaches. He had an excellent feel for the game, knew how to motivate players and where to put them on the court and possessed incisive playmaking skills. His playbook was a textbook on how you play the game, with an NBA ring with the Seattle Supersonics in 1979 to prove it.

Please join me in saluting a man who made the game of basketball a better product when he retired. I salute you, Lenny.

 

“We will return to ‘Beaver Was a Teenage Zombie after these messages. You’re watching WDIG-TV.”

 

“Is your toilet all pooped out? Do you find yourself having to use your backyard after dark when you have to take a leak so the neighbors won’t see you? Did you stop in at Milford Chamber of Commerce’s bathroom when you had the runs?

Hi, this is Coach Thorp and if you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, have I got great news for you. The Toilet Sale at Milford Beverage Warehouse went over so well like stink on poop a month ago, that The Warehouse upped the ante and passed the poker chips onto you.

Check this out. If you purchase 2 bottles of Buffalo Trace Bourbon Cream at the generous price of $16.99 a pop, Milford Plumbing Solutions will deliver an American Standard Premium Toilet right to your door.

And these aren’t little buckets of spit we potty-trained our kids with, no sirree. They are hand-crafted treated porcelain objets d’art that will operate on a schedule. With the Slow Close Toilet Seat, mashed fingers after a massive drop-off is a thing of the past.

And they have a more powerful flush than that cheapo Rural King masterpiece you bought on a budget. Isn’t it nice to know that you can flush it and forget it? No more Noah’s Ark in the basement crapper.

And the engineering is so attentive to detail, your American Standard utilizes low water consumption. It’s nice to have piece of mind that you’ll be imbibing more Budweiser than your commode consumes H2O.

And if you buy the whole damn case of Buffalo Trace Bourbon Cream, Milford Plumbing Solutions will install it free. C’mon, folks, you won’t max out on your Milford Federal Visa Gold. You won’t see Aunt Bea getting the toolbox out of the garage on this one. Be like Aunt Bea and swallow your pride and store the booze in the same place where the honey jars are located on the shelf.

And there are those whose toilets are in mint condition so booze is the order of the day. No problem. We have Jose Cuervo at $11.99 per commode, I mean, bottle, Busch Light in the 30-pack at a bargain you won’t flush down the drain along with Tidy Bowl Man at $20.99, Josh Cellars Cabernet, a royal flush at $13.99, among several other deals you’re gonna have to check out or get off the pot.

With friends like Milford Beverage Warehouse and Milford Plumbing Solutions, why go anywhere else to blow your wad. Heck, they’ll even throw in a Charmin 12-Roll Soft Touch when you purchase $25 or more of The Good Life. Man, free commodes, free toilet paper and cheap booze. Folks, that’s Murderer’s Row to me. Come get your butt wiped down here at The Warehouse and tell ’em Coach Thorp sent ya.”

Gang, you mean the world to me. But, admit it, you watch Pro Wrestling. C’mon, don’t try to deny you saw Tommy Rich slam Reggie B. Fine’s head into the turnbuckle…

February 10, 2020

It’s Jim Henson’s Mudlark Babies!

Filed under: Coffee Cantina, exposition comics, huge earrings — nedryerson @ 9:19 am

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Now we get to the part where Alexa reveals why she blames Chris Schuring for feeling self-conscious and awkward.

He cracked a Watson the IBM supercomputer joke after it appeared on Jeopardy when they were in the third grade.

That’s remarkable. Alexa should have changed her name or moved to a new city, or moved to a new city and changed her name. What a sick, crippling third grade burn! Alexa should tell all this to Mimi so she’ll understand the traumatic nature of the affliction and allow her to mope around at the edges of the court so as not to draw any attention. Good grief!!

I do like this little third grade flashback. It reminds me of an oft used MST3K riff when a group of children would appear, which I appropriated for the post title.

February 8, 2020

The one thats gorgeous is 5-foot-9.

Filed under: Coffee Cantina, lazy artwork — robmize2013 @ 9:50 pm

 

This coffee thing- I didnt play hoops in high school but I cant imagine going for coffee after basketball practice. Usually need a cold beverage. But these are girls. Do their parents know they’ll be late getting home for dinner? I assume practice is roughly an hour; how far away is CC? Did they drive or walk?  Whatever—they cant be getting home before 5:30. Maybe they dont eat til 7. We ate at 5:30 every day. And I was home by 3. I had my damn coffee in the morning.

 

Dont know why Phoebe’s ear is sticking out with all that hair flowing around it. I believe when we met her in December it was covered.

 

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Alexa is basically saying she’s self-conscious about her height, which happens to some girls after they grow up and shoot past their peers. Theyre more comfortable not standing out and she’s clearly not comfortable in her own skin,  which Mimi had pointed out early in the season.  All normal stuff for teenagers, and good for Phoebe for letting her know her height is nothing to be ashamed of.  I liked being tall, but I was a guy.

So maybe this convo will turn Alexa’s game around a bit, and she can reach her offensive potential, and also I suppose get it on with Chris, and end the silly competition in her head with him? On to next week…

A program note– I’m filling in for Teenchy again, who let me know he may be stepping down from this duty after basketball season for various reasons. Hope he changes his mind; I enjoy his points of view as well as everyone elses on this mighty team. But if not, we may need someone to add another day or else hire another blogger from outer space. Just giving a heads up for that..

 

Finally, I had a comment yesterday about my referencing The Paper Chase as a study group example. I wanted to find the clip where the arrogant Bell runs after Hart and Ford with his 500-page outline and drops it all out the window as theyre leaving the dorm to study at a hotel. His scream is priceless. The best I could do was this:

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