This Week in Milford

May 25, 2019

Mimi Does the Australian Crawl

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You know what’s not cool, besides this plot? Wanting to be thought of as cool.

Mimi could easily defuse this sitch, if she only had a clue. First off, it’s not “what’s with you [Linda] and the Aussies,” it’s “what’s with you and this need to be cool?” Linda’s answer gets to the root of her problem – not so much the cool factor but her insecurities about playing volleyball. She earned a scholarship, that’s not enough? How does she know the Australian girls didn’t too? Low hanging fruit that could let this arc wrap up by next weekend…. but…

…the bigger problem is the TCFS thing and how far out of hand it’s gotten. If Mimi had actually been paying attention to her players and not daydreaming about drinks on the patio, she’d have picked up on this developing trend and put some guardrails around it. (The stuffed hippo on the bench would’ve been a good sign.) As it is the only rails to be seen – well, besides the ones at Barney’s Pub – are the ones the Lady Mudlarks’ season is going off. Mimi needs to get a handle on this stat. Good thing Molly’s waiting for her in the shower.

Today’s musical inspiration:

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May 24, 2019

Coaching 101

Filed under: Mimi Thorp, softball, TCFS — robmize2013 @ 7:46 pm

Well we knew where all this bs about the buttons, the petty jealousy, the dugout mascot, the outside activities, and the general immaturity of the players was gonna wind up– in a mid-game dispute about who is more cool.

Exactly where is this convo in P1 taking place? It sure aint the infield. Too big. If its the dugout where is everyone else?

I coached baseball for 5 years. All my kids had outside interests. I WANTED them to. They could do whatever their hearts desired outside of our team activities. I didnt care what they did elsewhere. However, when they were under my direction, — whether at practice, or during a game— I expected them  to concentrate on baseball. And the game. Or the practice.  And to play as a team, united toward a common goal. Thats the job of every coach. And Mimi is failing miserably at it.

So this argument in P2 and 3 should have no place in the game, and if I was Mimi I would bench these 2 asap and tell them to have a seat in the dugout until they can re-focus on the task at hand. But I fear she is shutting the barn door after the horse got away.

May 23, 2019

Chef Gil, This Plot Has Been Chopped

Filed under: actual action, Just plain sad, Madison Time, softball, song parody — tdrewhardin @ 12:37 am

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You’re kidding, right? It’s this much of a no-brainer, kinda like someone handing you a $100,000 check when you’re leaving Milford Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market to take your groceries to the car. No strings attached??? Just don’t forget to sign your John Henry on the back when you cash it at Milford Federal.

Still doing a mental background check on the person the implementer of such largesse, well, gee, duh, if you’re caught up in “Tippicanoe and Gil Thorp too” buttons, worried more how they’ll play on the free market than THE ACTUAL GAME ITSELF, isn’t that another way of saying YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW???? Yeah, it’s rocket science when you forget “There’s no ‘I’ in the word ‘team'”. We gotta go back to kindergarten to figure that out????? Linda, right now, I wouldn’t give you a scholarship on Romper Room’s intramural team.

 

“Coach, since you’re not going to do much coaching until, say August, loosely speaking, you understand, do you mind if I take a vacation?”

“No, Coach Boone, you only show up around the Playdowns anyway. To paraphrase Dylan, you just want to be on the side that’s winning.”

“Coach, that’s not entirely fair. I watched you work with your kids the entire afternoon practicing their putts at Milford Golf Course because you got tired of maxing your credit card at Putt Putt by teaching them how to negotiate the windmill. It was as exciting as watching paint dry teaching them how to avoid a bogey on par 5 dog leg left Shoot Through The Bazooka pin, but the cashier at Putt Putt was proud. Little victories in everything.”

“Oh, Hell, Boone, take the whole summer. If you can’t handle having to endure physical activity for long stretches at a time, take your candy ass to Wheel of Fortune for all I care. Win a trip to Bahamas and get lost.”

 

The trip to “Worst Cooks In America” is getting off to a resounding start, doncha think??? Hope Coach Boone brought his ‘A’ game.

 

How’ bout dippin’ into the ’80’s for a little Talk Talk?

Funny how the crowd observes my every move

I walk with lack of privacy at school

I wish I’d never paid 39 pennies

For the El Dorado

 

They just drool

 

I ask myself

Can I make it to a stall

 

 

It’s my badge

Don’t you forget it

It’s my badge

You touch, you’ll regret it

 

I like how timbuys mentions “just plain sad”. What other scenario can be drawn from today, especially P1? Gang, do what you want but I ain’t touchin’ P1 with a 10-foot pole. She is puttin’ on a clinic. Good arm extension, hip rotation, eye on the ball, level swing, ball poppin’ off the bat at a good angle. Guarantee it, Walt Hriniak is taking notes and he didn’t do that often.

But do we have to learn from The Joker about how to swing a bat because Batman was out in the Batmobile too long???? Yeah, it is, indeed, just plain sad when this clinic is coming from the other team. F— you, Mudlarks, and quit pullin’ your head when you swing. Correct me if I’m wrong Thorpiverse old-timers, especially from the Berrill era, but wasn’t some of the tips we’d see flashed on the screen not only educational and an added bonus, it actually came out of GIL’S MOUTH???? I know I’m not going to Tod Andrews’ Oakwood Baseball Summer Camp Junior High Division to learn how to use 2 hands and squeeze when you catch the ball.

The Philistines are teaching the Israelites how to Punt, Pass, and Kick.

 

Then there’s P2. What can ANYONE say????? It is going 180 degrees away from P1. Just about ANYTHING that’s right in P1 is wrong in P2. Players with heads up their asses, putting their own selfish agenda before what’s going on  the field. How can I mention fielding technique? I had a saying when I was coaching Babe Ruth League Baseball, “What do you tell the player who knows everything? Nothing.” In P2, rest my case.

 

 

Today’s headline in the Milford Enquirer

“USF Holland Semi Collides With TCFS VW Company Van!!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“Miraculously, no one was injured. Semi on the way to The Bucket to deliver guacamole chips.”

 

“Coach Boone is pulling the chips out of the oven-he forgot to add KC Master Bar-B-Q sauce to the recipe. You have 10 minutes on the clock, Coach.”

 

“So Coach, what are you making, if I may so ask?”

“I’m serving up a Guacamole Chicken Salad Tostada en los Frijoles Morenos y una Copa del Vino Merlot Fresco serving for 8 people. This has to be seasoned just right, especially when I lay the Grippo’s on the sheet pans.”

“Absolutely. I noticed you’re using Bar-B-Q chips. Aren’t you a little concerned that the judges might have Grippo’s breath for days?”

“Way ahead of you. I solved that problem watching ‘Trisha’s Southern Kitchen’ one night. She doused a pint of chocolate cherry liqueuer all over the Baked Chicken Gumbo, Sauteed in Nabisco Cheese Nips .I understand Trisha only needed a half a pack of Certs when she performed with Garth for a Nashville charity event.

 

If ya burned the guacamole chips and sneak out the back down to Piggly Wiggly, buy out the store of Golden Flake Cheddar ‘n’ Sour Cream Potato Chips, stick ’em in the bed of yore pick-up, lay the tarp over ’em so the judges don’t notice when they’re on a smoke break, then smuggle ’em to the cupboard on a commercial break, ironically enough Lay’s Vinegar Chips one of the sponsors, ya might be a redneck.

 

Being stalked by everyone

Green with envy

Can’t even approach the water fountain

 

Need a hall pass to Chem or French

Econ field trips are simply out

 

What a mountain

 

I ask myself

Can I buy a Twinkie from the cafeteria

 

 

 

 

 

It’s my badge

Don’t you forget it

It’s my badge

You just don’t get it

 

After coaching the linebackers for 2 strips while Gil is off another Big Adventure, Coach Boone returns for prep time.

“Okay (flush) , I put the guacamole sauce in the microwave. While that’s sizzling, I will get the chicken ready. (To himself) Goddammit, I told KFC I wanted white meat this time. (To the audience) Fortunately, I have a glass bowl ready, sitting by the Cocoa Pebbles, whattya know. I dump the chicken strips in the bowl, add a pinch of paprika, a pinch of cilantro, add a tablespoon of raspberry red, half a teaspoon of orange orange, and a quarter cup of green clovers and a half cup of yellow moons.”

“Coach, you think Lucky Charms will mix evenly in the bowl with Green Onion Grippo’s Chips.”

“I had to try something. I’ve already used Grippo’s Bar-B-Q Chips for my other secret recipe. Besides, it’s no different than making a free safety whose family is from Laos line up with the outside linebacker whose dad’s a hog farmer. They talk out their differences and BOOM BABY!!!!!!!! Next thing you know, we stop the tailback at the line of scrimmage. Friends For Life do that.”

“Just don’t forget to add Contadina Tomato Paste so the flavors don’t overwhelm. And some Lysol. The yellow moons got a little chewy when I sampled the product.”

“Thank you, judges. And I’ll add a few drops of iodine so that the acid-base reading is close to ‘7’ as possible.”

 

Then P3 is the culmination of the failed “Keep Cool with Cool Buttons” campaign. Yeah, I reckon you need to call the whole damn nation/keep the tailgate down with your glove if you don’t want another “Dewey Defeats Truman!!!!!! moment at the Mudlark Softball Complex.

Madison is just simply dancing in front of the Mudlark dugout, doing their best Travolta rendition, complete with disco ball. The spotlight is going back on the team bus with the rest of the Philistines. Lady Mudlarks, you’ve been chopped.

 

“Coach, I don’t understand. Weren’t you going to add guacamole chips to your dish?”

“NO!!!!!! Those were the appetizers to hold down the fort while I work through this. Kroger ran out of store-brand Restaurant Chips. I want this Guacamole Chicken Salad to be just right. The soy sauce clicked with the blue diamonds so CYA in that regard. But I got some Dorito’s Cool Ranch under the sink in case I gotta go to Plan B.”

 

Ooooooookkkkkkkk, Gene Rayburn is back to help skewer this plot. Take ‘er away, Gene.

“Dumb Dora was sooooooooooooo dumb  (HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!! WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) , she wore a button that said ‘Too Cool for ________________'”.

 

“Coach, you ARE aware you have 5 minutes?”

“And your point is?

“The Guacamole Chicken Salad Tostada en los Frijoles Morenos y una Copa del Vino Merlot Fresco looks a little overdone. I can see au gratin potato stains all over the green clovers. And I’ve seen better cooked chicken at Mel’s Diner. I’m not sure Alice would even eat that Waffle House in Paradise.”

“HA!!!!!!!! That’s where I’ve got you judges where I want you!!!!! I want you to THINK I’m burning the merchandise but not only am I going to marinade it now, but the slight sizzle, or overcooked as you say, will bring out all the flavors, especially all the anise. The Trix portion of the dish won’t know what hit it. Honey Nut Cheerios pieces and Kroger Restaurant Chips simmering in a cream cheese marinade sauce? Like to see Thorp do better. He can barely marinade water.”

“All right, we’ll see what happens. You’re the cook. I just hope you come through with the Chocolate S’mores and Louisiana Lightning Sauce mixture that you highly bragged about.”

 

I snuck into the dugout gate

With my Holy Grail

Locked in the gym bag, best know the combination

 

Only “All The Way With LBJ”

Stopped TCFS hardware

 

From world domination

 

 

Convince myself

Mussolini ran campaigns better

 

 

This is my badge

Don’t you forget it

This is my badge

You can’t even pet it

 

This is my badge…

 

As Gil rides off into the sunset with one of the ostriches, rumor has it thst he was at the Savannah Section of Milford Nature Area

 

“Chef Boone, congratulations, you have earned the distinction Worst Cook in America. I wouldn’t feed this concoction to starving children in China, let alone on my block. The chicken was chewier than a Nerfball, the lemon juice was overbearing with the Cocoa Puffs, and don’t even go there with the guacamole chips. I could buy better chips from a street vendor who sells chili dogs at lunch.”

“I’m just getting Lay’s Potato Chips and KFC  Breast Dark Meat and maybe the mashed taters in the pee cup that comes with the chicken. You sure you didn’t take a urine sample yourself in this slop?  I’d be drug-testing you for stupidity at my restaurant right now. How you can have the audacity to mix Chic-Lets and oregano just so you can spice up your dish is more than a travesty. And the raspberry red was undercooked. Don’t quit your day job.”

“Chef Boone, or maybe just Mr. Boone, since you can’t coach or cook. Why in the world are you using Arm & Hammer Baking Soda after you take it out of the oven? You needed to mix it in to give the chips a more even texture. your chicken was raw and the substitute Tater Tots ‘n’ Vine Ripe Tomatoes that you got from your grandfather’s recipe didn’t really replace the guacamole chips you ran out of. Ever heard of Pam? Chef Boone, you’ve been chopped, I’ll save the trouble before the commercial break.”

 

“Thank you, judges.”

 

“HUGE HUGE shout-out to the staff in 5 Core Unit of the Intensive Care Unit at University of Louisville Hospital. They have waited on me hand and foot during my stay here and have done it with a “Service with a Smile” atmosphere. It would not be fair to name names, since there were many of them and the beauty is, many would rather not be mentioned anyway. Classic unsung heroes. You factor in the Medical Team that has stayed with me patiently throughout my recovery and you have a recipe for success. I can see why my nephew, a medical doctor himself, highly recommends them. A big THANK YOU is in order to these people who make a difference in our lives.

 

Comment away, Gang. No, I’m not getting autographs from the Madison players. I won’t go that far.

 

“What can I say? I need to use more Pam and canola oil next time. I appreciate the judges’ honesty as they’re only trying to make me better. I’ve chewed out a nose guard for not wrapping a guy when he’s tackling him. It’s all in the execution.”

 

“You callin’ me a candy ass???? Shoot, you couldn’t ride an ostrich through the Picnic Area!!!!!”

May 22, 2019

Land of the Free, Home of the Mud

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Two high school girls power tripping on who they get to include and exclude from their clique? One high school girl practically begging to be let into their clique then getting pissy when they don’t let her? Riveting reading!

Just you wait: Linda will have her revenge! She’s gonna tank the season for the Lady Mudlarks. Kind of ironic given that we’re coming up on the centennial of the Black Sox scandal.  Staring into the bleachers is her prearranged signal to Arnold Rothstein that the fix is in (or is it switching her glove from her right to her left hand?). Pity she didn’t time that a little better; that sharply hit ground ball off her toe is gonna ruin her meal ticket out of this tank town.

Without that volleyball scholly to fall back on, Linda will be doomed to stay in Milford and stew about things that happened to her in high school for the rest of her life. Maybe she can spit in the brisket when she’s waiting the mean girls’ tables at Bob’s BBQ.

A rare glimpse of the Milford mascot atop the scoreboard there. Let’s blow it up so we can get a better look.

homeofthemud

More like a turkey than a lark, the better to fit this plot.

May 21, 2019

The Color Of Buttons

Filed under: Just plain sad, Milford Idiots, Pissy faced minor character, softball — tdrewhardin @ 8:14 am

052119

RIGHT OFF THE BAT I am going to abbreviate this damn thing so that this does not become a Looney Tune anvil around ANYONE’s neck. Yosemite Sam is allowed to sink to the bottom of Davy Jones’ Locker, or deep enough to scare the shit out of you but not deep enough to convince you he’s really going to disappear and fight Daffy Duck beyond the Pearly Gates. He’s going after Bugs for Round 2, trust me. The rest of us would rather not get hung at high noon with acronyms.

So instead of Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat is too cool for The Pharaoh and Milford High School Campaign for Jesus, I condensed it to TCFS (Too Cool for School) . I wanted to make the “S” stand for the one that comes after “B”, but some idiot might get the wrong idea and declare “This causes Fungal Bacterial Symptoms and thusly, the “B” was omitted.

Now let’s get down to cases. Are we dealing with school buttons or 5-stud poker?????

“I’ll see your TCFS pledge button on your wim-wim for being Patrol Boy of the Month and raise you 2 jack of diamonds and a TCFS smiley face and a Good Job button by Wal-Mart and Dr. Pearl in the same week.”

 

BIG shout-out to Sharon Dow of Louisville, Kentucky for her impressive dedication to her job here at University of Louisville Hospital. She has waited on me hand and foot and has made my stay here a VERY easy way to go. I can tell she really cares about people as shown by her walking a patient down the hallway, monitoring every step of the patient. I am very proud to say that she keeps a clean house and that patients are the better for it. The ICU unit she is on would be less were she not around. Next time you see her, treat her with respect. She’s earned mine, and then some.

 

Gang, this Twilight Zone backdrop in P1 works in Dagwood (technically named Blondie), it works in Wee Pals, kiddies discussing the NATO question with those bongo drums (or congas, forgot to check my Funk-Wagnalls) from the Zone pulsating in the background, Hell, Mary Worth with her atomic bomb of advice was made for white canvasses but it just falls flat on its face in Thorpiverse. Where do they go once they are trapped in a dimension of sight, a dimension of sound???? Down to The Bucket for a Bucket Clam Burgoo? Sure, Rod Serling is down there now with his endless supply of Pall Malls, discussing their Sisyphean fate while taking an occasional drag FROM his Pall Mall after sampling, of course, The Bucket 3-Course Sampler (Bucket Lasagna, Bucket Fettucine, Bucket Child’s Plate Spaghetti) . Can’t discuss heavy semi-philosophical issues on an empty stomach.

 

Marty Moon at the Milford Lounge one night

“Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo, doo doo…”

“Why are they playing the Twilight Zone theme from the jukebox???”

“I don’t know, Marty, but this white karma is giving me hot flashes. Let’s blow this joint so I can blow something else, Big Boy…”

“Hell, no, what would Peaches think???? I got standards, y’know!!!!!”

Suddenly, the congas explode.

 

If ya and yore 4-wheel drive wind up on the planet Mars cuz yore jumper cables didn’t know how to handle the overcharge from all the whiteness emanatin’ from yore glove box, ya might be a redneck.

 

And what is this about our ambitious hero in P1???? Granted, I admire his drive therefore, dammit, give the guy a button and be done with it. It’s not cheapening the product if a person is trying to better himself/herself. I think the problem is assuming that it’s going to wind up on Spielberg’s or Capra’s desk in the near future.

On the set of “It’s a Wonderful Life”.

“Mr. Capra, some kid just gave me a 2500-word essay “How I Enjoyed My Summer in Bedford Falls.”

 

After talking to timbuys while spacily watching Steven Segal shoot a googolplex (did I spell that right????) of Chicanos, Chinese, Rhode Island Reds, blacks, KKK members, the entire population of the Show Me State, Eskimos (guess they got Uzi’s stored in their closets back at their igloos) , Liechtensteiners, Luxembourgeois, Miserable Fat Belgium Bastards, and Santa’s reindeer to rescue his wife and kids from the dentist’s office on the 86th floor of an abandoned equivalent to the Empire State Building

Today’s headline in the Milford Enquirer

“Gil And Rambo Outlast 50,000 Vietcong Guerillas In OT In ‘Rambo’s Tet Offensive Revisited In Mudlark Gym’!!!!!!!!”

sub headline

“Jerry Pulver leading scorer with his Remington; Thorp agrees to drop academic eligibility charges.”

 

THEN The Hand from Dark Shadows makes a comeback in P2. No way, Jose, says The Hand. If you want to earn a Good Job button from Wal-Mart, you have to do a better job of stocking the frozen aisle, I mean, Eggo Waffles and Marie Callender Texas Toast have to be on the shelves at the crack of dawn, not to mention Boston Market Cholesterol-Free Turkey Breast ‘n’ Mashed Potatoes have to be zoned better in aisle 2. Oh, and write “Treasure Island” before the delivery truck full of Stouffers gets here at midnight.

Way to take charge, Hand. Who says you only scare people????? You lead by example. And ya got a Good Job button in the bargain.

Finally, there’s P3. Omigod. WHAT other comic strip contains people in dire need of reshaping their trapezoidal butts??? Do you ever see Linus and Luycy shakin’ that octagonal thang around??? When did you EVER see Herb Woodley walk over to Dagwood’s place with geometric inconsistencies ftrom his derriere??????? You factor in the 45-degree lines from the backstop in sync with the dugout fencing and this is a wonderful Cubist painting from somebody trying to get a TCFS button (missed your calling, Mr. Eager Beaver Screenwriter) but art connoiseurs really need to eschew Thorpiverse. And we’re STILL talking TCFS buttons up to First Pitch???? Bet they don’t have their game favces on.

 

“Folks, sometimes life doesn’t always make the easy lay-up and send the game into OT. That’s when you shake the hand of Lou Grant, pull yourselfup by the jock strap and head to the Socker, er, LOCKER room, your Jimmy Chitwood Doesn’t Always Make The 15-Footer So That STATE CHAMPS Appears On The Town Water Tower 47 Years Later speech on 2 3 x 5 index cards in right hand.

That’s what I had to do recently when my cholesterol reading was worse thanmy bowling average, not to mention my golf score on one hot August night on the back nine at Milford Country Club.

Hi, this is Coach Thorp on behalf of Milford Beverage Warehouse. Trust me, it was no fun being transported to Milford General because my a-fib was acting up from too many  $5 Grande Scramblers at Milford Taco Bell. Do you honestly believe I enjoyed laying in a hospital bed listening to Hazel the Maid plug Dos Equis for the Warehouse??? Mr. Baxter, her boss, singing the praises of Milford Beer Nuts Lime and a fifth of Jack??? Now I knlw what Purgatory will sound like when I cross the Charon.

And I’m gettin’ a sneakin’ suspicion that the Warehouse was onto that so they are willing to rectify the situation that’ll cause Otis the Drunk to engineer an Andy Dufresne. And who can blame Otis the Drunk for wading through a Milford sewer line to get these door-busters????

Yep, the Warehouse will give you a free bag of Idaho’s Best French Fries for every $20 of booze you purchase. Ummm,ummmm, I can just savor ’em now, the fries I mean. You don’t put Falls City in the oven, silly, unless you ARE Otis the Drunk.

How ’bout a lip-smackin’ combo of Idaho’s Best Crinkle-Free, Ice-Brewed Fries, topped with Arby’s Famous Horse Radish, washin’ it down with a refreshing cold, krausened Budweiser? Or if some of you commie pinkos like different, try Idaho’s Best Tater Tots ‘n’ Heinz Gluten-Free Ketchup with a glass of Maker’s Mark Hand-Tossed Bourbon, aged since General Braddock gave the order for General Washington to attack Fort Pitt. Yummy, yummy, yuumy, I got love in my tummy; talk about Pavlov’s Dog salivating when he hears the door bell.

But then some of you wine-and-cheese crowd people might prefer Marini & Rossi Pink Chablis Merlot 90 Proof Sparkling and Bubbling non-Biodegradable White Apertif with a generous bowl of Idaho’s Best Honey ‘n’ Garlic Long-Cut, pre-Baked Hash Browns. And watch Dickie V. on Big Monday break down the Carolina-Duke rivalry???? Where’s the remote????

And you can save even more money as Groupon has partnered with the Warehouse to slash the first trip to the Warehouse to a $10 purchase if you’ll purchase at least 3 Snickers bars or 5 Kit Kats as the Warehouse is cleanin’ house. Rumors were abundant that a 3 Musketeers bar and a Cutty Sark simply wasn’t the snack of choice while watching your favorite NFL team so Groupon is leading the charge on this fire sale.

As soon as you have visited yours truly at Milford General, come check out these great buys at The Milford Beverage Warehouse. You’ll have done your good deed for the day and you can live The Good Life to its fullest. This Bud’s for you, My Friend.”

 

Comment away, Gang. I’m going to another dimension to get a trapezoidal butt of my own. When on Mars, do as the Martians do.

“Oh, Marty., you sexy thing you. How’d you manage to get the place?????”

“Simple, Peaches. I just went the Glidden Store and got a couple of paintbrushes out of the garage, and the rest was a piece of cake. Matches the wine, doesn’t it?”

May 20, 2019

I’m Gonna Need To See Your Black List Score

Filed under: Chunky Bracelets, huge earrings, Swifti Mart, TCFS — nedryerson @ 7:09 am

052019

This plot has taken its sweet time to reveal to Molly & Co. that their quest for team unity has taken them down a path to…whatever this is. An endless series of random kids at Milford High are seeking validation from the softball team in the form of a 39 cent pin.

The latest contestant in Tyler, who wrote a screenplay. You’ve probably heard. I’m betting the mostly likely reason you may have heard is that Tyler has been telling people he wrote a screenplay. How else would anybody know? Is is getting buzz in the trades? Has Tyler been shopping it around to all the would be producers in Milford? That is doubtful. My gut says that Tyler is the “I wrote a screenplay” guy at Milford High. I’m afraid Molly is going to have to reject his claim. You just can’t be cool if you have to ask somebody if you’re cool.

Of course “cool” is an illusion, yet another “brand” (ugh) devised by marketing types to sell us stuff that we don’t need. It still works though. Molly bought those stupid buttons, didn’t she? Actually, if she bought fifty of them, the guy at the promotions place probably cleared a healthy ten dollar profit off of her. That will keep the lights on for another day.

In case you’re curious about the post title, it refers to this, a method whereby unrepresented screenwriters submit their work with the hope of becoming represented and maybe even selling their work. If it sounds almost as dubious as teens begging for membership in exclusive clubs, maybe that’s because it is. But if Tyler spends a couple hundred bucks to have some anonymous person (probably another guy with a pile of unsold screenplays) rate his work, maybe it will spare him from spending a fortune pursuing an MFA is screenwriting. He can earn an honest day’s pay down at the Milford Button Works.

 

May 18, 2019

Not This “Branding” Crap Again!

gt05182019

Okay, so for s & g’s I searched on spirit buttons and 39 cents per seems like a fair deal. The catch is you gotta buy ’em in bulk, at volumes that would ensure every Milford student and their family could have a button with buttons left to spare. The TCFS movement has become less about celebrating softball players’ extracurriculars and more about being cliquish and excluding the one girl on the softball team who cares more about playing softball than the rest of them.

Nancy is perfectly cool with that as she sees being TCFS as a “brand,” a thing that seems to be a thing with kids in Milford (or with a senior citizen who seems to think that branding is a thing with kids). Molly Hatchet seems to have an inkling about that as she and Nancy get brain freezes sucking down their Blastos while they sit on the hood of a… a…  an impossibly drawn clown car with about five planes of perspective and no room for an engine, wheels or passengers.

Added a Swifti Mart tag as I’m surprised we haven’t done that already.

May 17, 2019

And yada yada yada.

Not gettin any better folks… I was not a big Seinfeld fan, but it was very well known as a show about nothing. I saw just enough episodes that I kinda get that. They dont really have a plot, its just a half hour of 4 characters screwing around every which way, and the best part, (for me anyway) was Jerrys comedy bits at the beginning and end of each show, where he’d make some vague connection to the action of the show. I remember one episode where he said ” If you’re watching something on TV, you’re missing something else.” Ever since then when I’d be forced to miss some show or game I would remember Jerrys words, and be comforted that nobody can be everywhere all the time. You do what you can, and everything else takes care of itself.

Well I have lost track of who all  these people are. Linda, David, Nancy, Molly…….I can name the Banana Splits easier then these bozos. .Too many characters in 1 plot who intertwine their nonsense about some abstract concept like TCFS. And maybe Linda and David THINK they did something cool. Thats all that counts. I’m just floored that 17-year-olds spend that much time on such BS. By now my friends would forget about the whole thing and be on to something thats more tangible, like what movie is playing or who the Bears should draft. One time my friend was talking about the foosball game he played the night before. 2 days later I brought it up, and he was like – “You’re still on that foosball”. But 2 days isnt like the weeks-long sludge this has become. Its a plot about nothing, and this time there’s no Jerry Seinfeld around to relieve the boredom.

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