This Week in Milford

February 10, 2007

Introducing KAZ-BOT

Filed under: kaz-bot, metapost — jasbeattie @ 11:00 am

The following is a test of the emergency KAZ-BOT system!

Wait, what is KAZ-BOT?
KAZ-BOT is an automated Gil Thorp blogger.

Why would you need an automated blogger?
Because the wife and I will be taking our much anticipated week-long honeymoon starting tomorrow!

Really? Where are you going?
Not telling. Can’t risk you all following us.

So does KAZ-BOT stand for something?
Uh, sure why not? How about “Kompu-Animated-Zingermaker (Blogger Out of Town).”

Come on…Zingermaker? You just made that up.
Yeah…I’m pretty much checked out.

What will KAZ-BOT do for me?
So here’s the deal: I’ve rigged ol’ KAZ-BOT to go on over to the site and pull the daily Gil comic for your relentless mocking. KAZ-BOT will do its best to critique the comic without actually reading it, so…well, be gentle. Enjoy a Jason-free week of Gil Thorp comics!

Aren’t you gonna talk about today’s comic?
Oh and uh, it seems that there is an exciting cliffhanger of some sort. Thousands of Brynna’s alien spawn have burst forth from Tyler’s sternum. How about that? Discuss.

That’s crappy analysis.
Shut up, I don’t even know who you are or how you got in here.



  1. Standing over Brynna’s still warm but now-lifeless body, Tyler met the shocked gazes of his peers without shame. He had done what he knew had to be done. Though he would pay for his deed with a lifetime spent behind bars – or perhaps in a padded cell – Tyler knew that the Earth was now safe.

    “I did it for you!” Tyler exclaimed as his classmates gathered around the open doorway. Above the increasingly audible sobs of Helen Marzano, Tyler screamed, “Don’t you see? I did it for all of you!”

    But all the assembled Mudlarks could see was the sprawling, motionless body of what was once one half of Milford’s favorite couple. And the other half standing motionless, casting a long shadow over Brynna’s corpse. Even now, the red bruises around Brynna’s neck were becoming increasingly visible to the shocked onlookers.

    The Earth was safe, Tyler thought, as tears began to stream down his cheek. The shot of Peach Schnapps he has snuck from Paris’ father’s liquor cabinet – the same shot that had given him the strength to do the neccessary deed – was beginning to wear off, leaving Tyler to fully realize what he had done. For although he had come to discover the horrible plans of Brynna’s kind, he had still loved her. Right to the very end.

    Later, as the police led him away to a waiting patrol car, Tyler became increasingly aware of an uneasy feeling in his stomach. No, it was more than that – a certain tightness in his chest, like the worst heartburn he had ever experienced, was becoming ever more noticable. But, of course, who wouldn’t have an upset stomach after what he’d done? It’s just indigestion, Tyler thought.

    Or was it?

    Comment by CounterHegemony — February 10, 2007 @ 12:01 pm

  2. Well done, CounterHegemony!

    So how long before KAZ-BOT gains self-awareness, turns on its human masters, and enslaves us all? I’m putting the over-under at 3.5 days. I, for one, will welcome our new robot overlords.

    Comment by Cash — February 10, 2007 @ 12:08 pm

  3. Wow! People standing around. Some of them holding drinks. Paper chains hanging on the walls. How festive. Paris really knows how to throw a party! (And if panel 2 is any indication, she’s the oldest high-school student in Milford history. Now we know what Marsha Warfield has been up to since “Night Court” was canceled.)

    As for the cliffhanger… I love CounterHegemony’s narrative, but I was thinking more along the lines of Tyler pulling a Mitch Cozad — forcing his way into the starting lineup by eliminating the competition. Yes, he smuggled a chainsaw into the party, lured R.J. Brennan into a dark room, and… er… cut him down to size, as it were. Next week: R.J. joins Bill Ritter in the Happy Cripples Club. (Fred Koteskey, faculty advisor.)

    Comment by johnw — February 10, 2007 @ 12:16 pm

  4. And by the way, what exactly is supposed to be the progression of events here? Is that Paris in both Panel 1 and 2? (If we can have the same character look totally different in different panels, why not have different characters look identical?) If so, then what the hell is the living room doing upstairs? This is one bizarro house. Especially because it contains some sort of wormhole that caused Paris and Helen to switch between background and foreground in Panel 3.

    Also, what could Paris have possibly been saying in Panel 2? “Lisa Wyche is at her cousin’s, but we should see…”

    “…if she stunk up the bathroom before she left?”

    “…if RJ Brennan is sitting around pining for her?”

    “…her freakishly long physique all the way from here?”

    “…if any other boring non-entity with an overbearing parent showed up to take her place?”

    Comment by Cash — February 10, 2007 @ 12:27 pm

  5. I get the feeling that furry jacket guy is somehow involved in whatever is being alluded to in Panel 3.

    Comment by Ennui, Willie Keeler — February 10, 2007 @ 4:07 pm

  6. The party is in the basement, so the living room could be upstairs.
    A lot of 3-level homes are like that. The bedrooms are upstairs
    from the living room/kitchen. We had that arrangement where I used
    to live.

    Comment by Rob — February 11, 2007 @ 2:27 pm

  7. Wow, Marty looks totally like Dr. Venture in the random amusing panel o’ the moment.

    Comment by luke — February 11, 2007 @ 7:39 pm

  8. Paris really knows how to throw a party! (And if panel 2 is any indication, she’s the oldest high-school student in Milford history. Now we know what Marsha Warfield has been up to since “Night Court” was canceled.)

    Hey! It can’t be easy to find cool stuff in her size.

    Comment by Ennui, Willie Keeler — February 11, 2007 @ 8:19 pm

  9. I can’t wait to see the Kaz-bot in action!

    I love the rough-hewn wood door at the Lang residence…that and the art work that looks like an ink jet printer alignment test document.

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — February 12, 2007 @ 7:30 am

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