This Week in Milford

October 17, 2007

For 13 months in Juvie, he’s a pretty whiny wuss, isn’t he?

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Gil Thorp — jasbeattie @ 9:20 am


Not much to say except…(as noted by Cash yesterday) the team hasn’t played a game for nearly three weeks. And since Franken-Cully is wearing the “M” practice jersey (I know he’s not sharp enough to have decided to be the Roman number 1000), it seems a game isn’t even starting today. Looks like we’ve entered a patented Gil Thorp boredom loop! Apparently we need occasional breaks from crazy breakneck speed action to remind us this is still a serial newspaper comic.

===Begin increasingly tiresome story loop===

Cully: Mean people no understand Cully-Vale. Me no bad man. Me crush spines accidentally.
Square Head Coach Man: Cully-Vale maybe tell people it was accidental?
Cully: NO! Cully-Vale no like attention, square head coach man. It make me hair spikier every day me get attention.

Later: Mean people mock Cully-Vale.

===Return to top===

If you make it out of this loop, good luck. Let us know what’s on the other side, but only if it’s Cully fallaway slamming all three Valley Tech pranksters in order to somehow teach Tony Casey how to not overthrow his receivers.



  1. Maybe this is really mean spirited, but I hope we get to see a football related spine snap before this Cully thing is over.

    Comment by Matt Ramone — October 17, 2007 @ 9:53 am

  2. So how long until Marty Moon picks up the story from a silhouetted source, and blabs it all over Milford over 25-watts of WDIG? And what will be the surprised reaction from Principal Bunhead who, as we learned earlier, actually listens to his show?

    Comment by Tim Goral — October 17, 2007 @ 9:54 am

  3. Cully even stupider than advertised: “Oh no, I don’t want to do anything to try to defuse the vicious rumors flying around school. Let’s just keep quiet and wait for it to go away.”

    And there’s something deeply wrong — even by Frank McLaughlin’s standards — about the depiction of Cully in panel three. His head is too big for his body, and his arms are too small for either head or body. Which may lend credence to the Cullystein theory: he really was made of spare parts.

    Also, Cully’s hair is growing visibly: he’s looking more like a Chia Pet every day.

    Comment by johnw — October 17, 2007 @ 10:21 am

  4. Will Brick Top Thorpe move Cully-stein to linebacker and have him kill or paralyze every offensive opponent via bodyslam (it worked for Charles Jefferson in Fast Times at Ridgemont High)? It would make for more action and provide relief from 12 weeks of state “playdowns”…and WTF is a playdown – is there some mystical universe that uses that term instead of playoffs?

    Comment by Preston Lee — October 17, 2007 @ 10:22 am

  5. Ilike the way Frankencully is running off after Gil tells him he’s willing to listen to his boring story.

    Also, I don’t believe for a minute that Cullystein was in Juvie…he’s at least 25 years old. Maybe they had no room in the regular slammers and put him in Juvie to scare those out of control teens you see on Maury.

    Comment by Regina — October 17, 2007 @ 10:37 am

  6. Am I supposed to feel sorry for this megacephalic freak? Dude, you held a guy over your head and threw him to the ground! What the hell did you think would happen? You don’t belong in juvvie, and you don’t belong in high school. You belong in The Institute for the Criminally Stupid.

    Comment by sourbelly — October 17, 2007 @ 10:49 am

  7. LOL sourbelly! Which means Cullystein has a promising future on Gil’s staff.

    Comment by Gil'sBarber — October 17, 2007 @ 11:37 am

  8. With newly minted pug Bill Ritter still hopping around Milford, the path out of the loop is inevitable. The stage is set for a classic boxer-rassler matchup. With a competent partner in place of the fatally uncoordinated Jarrod, Cully will execute a flawless, spectacular-yet-harmless fallaway. His demons excorsised, the monster recaptures the state state of blissful peace that he lost in a a mere moment on that fateful Oregon afternoon.

    The Thorpe-trained Ritter (now both mentally and physically a machine-man) fails to recognize his opponent’s deep state of fufillment, and instead senses only the opportunity for victory. A barrage of merciless blows sends the redeemed monster to rest with Duk Koo Kim.

    Bill’s irrepressible chin-up can-do optimism permits him to hobble the halls of Milford High as a hero. When asked what it was like, his concise expositions on the perverse thrill if accidental homicide prove riveting. He becomes a wealthy motivational speaker.

    The moral: don’t be a mopey-mope.

    All of this will happen in three days (and eight panels!).

    Comment by killebrew — October 17, 2007 @ 11:47 am

  9. Gil has taken a kid who has proven he is strong enough to kill someone in the realm of contact sports and assigned him to the starting line up of a sport where he…is supposed to hit people really, really hard.

    I haven’t seen criminal neglect like this since, well, Gil left his whole team in the care of a touchy-feely fraud while he pounded pints with Kaz at PUB.

    Comment by Matt Ramone — October 17, 2007 @ 11:50 am

  10. Maybe that’s why Milford hasn’t played a game in so long. They are suspended pending an investigation of recruiting homicidal maniacs from out of town.

    Comment by Gil'sBarber — October 17, 2007 @ 1:11 pm

  11. Wow, a cliffhanger! Panel 3 finds Cully-Vale in peril, clutching his chest and apparently suffering from a heart attack! Will Cully overcome his usual reticence and ask for help? If he doesn’t, will Gil recognize the symptoms and call for an ambulance? And why is Cully wearing a tube sock on his right hand? Is that a sock puppet? Too many questions, dammit; I need answers!

    Comment by Cash — October 17, 2007 @ 1:55 pm

  12. I just read your Outsiders comic of the week, and started laughing uncontrollably at my desk. So if I get fired, it’s your fault.

    Comment by Mac Thomason — October 17, 2007 @ 2:30 pm

  13. I would have hoped that Cully-Spector-Blake-Simpson-Vale had spent time in Chino.
    “He’s a peddarass, Dude.” “Yeh, but boy can he bowl”.

    Comment by tom — October 17, 2007 @ 2:39 pm

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