This Week in Milford

April 25, 2008

KAZ-BOT is running low on schnapps

Filed under: kaz-bot — jasbeattie @ 8:30 am

Jason has left the safe confines of the blog-o-sphere for a few days. In his absence the recently paroled automatic Gil Thorp blogging robot KAZ-BOT will be filling in! 

KAZ-BOT would be concerned that Jason has yet to return, but then KAZ-BOT remembered…KAZ-BOT doesn’t mind mooching all Jason’s booze while he’s gone. Also, KAZ-BOT’s parole stipulated not leaving the country with Jason on his fact-finding mission to Ecuador.



  1. Let’s see what we’ve got here. Panel 1: That ball went in one ear and out the other, I guess. Panel 2: Guy with a giant hand having a heart attack apparently?

    Yeah, after enough reading of this blog, you really do start to pick up on this stuff.

    Comment by Emptyeye — April 25, 2008 @ 8:56 am

  2. Chenango Forks, NY is over 200 miles away from Milford, CT. Rather a long trip for a high school baseball game!

    Despite the slugfest, all of the fans appear to be sleeping in panel two.

    The batter greeting Elmer Vargas in panel three already has his helmet on, is in the batter’s box and is ready to play. Better hurry, the obsessive-compulsive support group meets at 8:07!

    Comment by Richard — April 25, 2008 @ 8:58 am

  3. Marty Moon’s increasingly looking like Captain Haddock from Tintin — and given both characters’ tendency to dispsomania, it seems totally appropriate! Also, everyone in panel 2 looks disgusted, like they just noticed that the outfielder in panel 1 is leaking his brains all over the field, which only makes Moon-Haddock that much more agitated.

    Comment by Big Mokeski — April 25, 2008 @ 9:03 am

  4. Chief Whigham is unfamiliar with the subtleties of softball AND baseball. Today, we have a player chasing down a fly ball while looking BEHIND HIM. Oops. And in panel 3, we have the traditional and touching ritual of the post-home-run fingertip tap.

    But the most disturbing image today is definitely panel 2. It looks like the fans are fighting the urge to vomit; there must be something really disgusting happening on the field. (Maybe that fly ball DID go through the outfielder’s head, and his blood and brains are spurting all over the place.) But even more disturbing his that giant, bulbous honker on Marty Moon’s face. It’s a nose worthy of an alcoholic loser, but did it suddenly sprout overnight?

    Comment by johnw — April 25, 2008 @ 9:06 am

  5. Big Mokeski and I obviously think alike, and we were typing our comments at the same time.

    Comment by johnw — April 25, 2008 @ 9:07 am

  6. The perspective in panel 3 is FUBAR. The markings on the field are over head, yet the action is at a 5/8 (3/4?) tilt. Plus, given the size of the markings, is this a team of 7th graders playing at Yankee Stadium?

    BTW, I thought this was Milford Academy in New York.

    Comment by michael — April 25, 2008 @ 9:28 am

  7. Well, wherever Milford is, it’s east of the Mississippi River. (Do NOT bother bringing up KDKA. It was grandfathered in, and so were all the other Ks in the East/Ws in the west.) I never realized ’til now that Marty actually broadcast on a real radio station. I thought he did his “reports” from his Mom’s basement.
    BTW, if Marty does play by play, who does color?

    Comment by laura — April 25, 2008 @ 9:44 am

  8. The Blue Devil outfielder decided to use wear a novelty Hulk Fist instead of a baseball glove.

    Marty Moon is wearing a Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan era starfleet uniform.

    That one guy looks like he’s getting ready to spit out something really phlegmy or, as it’s known in my neck of the woods, “hock a loogie”.

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — April 25, 2008 @ 9:47 am

  9. Would anyone be suprised if the first panel is recycled during the football season. Just draw a helmet on the guy and he could be moving in for a tackle or a rushing TD.

    Comment by Paul K — April 25, 2008 @ 9:55 am

  10. Gesundheit to the guy in panel 2.

    Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — April 25, 2008 @ 9:57 am

  11. Panel 2 fans are in the beginning stages of regurgitation because the unfortunate Panel 1 outfielder has just run straight, head first, at great speed into the outfield wall, and is lying motionless with his head and neck at an impossible angle… blood dribbling from his ears, nose, and eyes… his poor mother in the stands screaming hystrically, instinctively knowing that her beloved son has expired in front of her very eyes, all for his love of the game.

    And Marty Moon, in his alcoholic haze, oblivious to the human tragedy that has played out before his very eyes, babbles inanities regarding the relative strengths of the teams’ lineups.

    Inexplicably, the game continues, and the Milford Nine continue celebrating their hollow victory, uncaring of the young life that was extinguished before its time.

    Sad and distrubing.

    Comment by TCM — April 25, 2008 @ 10:11 am

  12. Has Marty Moon started trimming his hair with pinking shears?

    Love the flipper paws in panel 3.

    Comment by Regina — April 25, 2008 @ 10:17 am

  13. #2, don’t forget that Lady Mudlarks played their preseason basketball games in Horry County, SC this year. Evidently mutant androgynous athletes are much in demand, and can arrange barnstorming tours just about anywhere.

    Comment by Satchel Paige — April 25, 2008 @ 10:19 am

  14. The angle, or perspective, or perhaps just the existence, of Panel 3 has left me incapable of making my usual witty and perceptive observations. Hey KAZ-BOT, pass the Schnapps!

    Comment by jules — April 25, 2008 @ 10:22 am

  15. Don, I’m not sure thats a guy in panel two. It looks more like a Shim with Gigantic hands. What I don’t understand is why is the next batter still standing in the batter’s box with his square bat when Elmer just won the game with a three run blast. And how did they win? By Forfeit? The game usually ends with an out. Unless its a typo and it was really a seven run blast.

    Comment by kenzo — April 25, 2008 @ 10:23 am

  16. At least home plate isn’t in foul territory today. That’s a step forward for Chief Whigham.

    Comment by rug thief — April 25, 2008 @ 10:39 am

  17. I did not know that Canseco had kin who was high school age.

    Comment by Gray — April 25, 2008 @ 10:50 am

  18. I grew up near Chenango Forks (it’s near Binghamton, where the Girl’s team appears to be playing)ing–do they travel on the same bus?) and it’s pretty bleak. My high school American History
    teacher took his new bride there on their honeymoon and told her it was where he’d taken a
    job–she started crying. As far as Milford CT goes, I always assumed Milford was actually New Milford, CT because Jack Beryl lived in Brookfield, CT, the next town over. I’ll have to ask the “Teen Wise” owl or something.

    Comment by Jamie Haynes — April 25, 2008 @ 11:17 am

  19. There’s some kind of gigantic, amoeboid life form oozing out from under home plate in P3. Maybe it mutated from the constant exchange of static electricity between teammates high-fiving after home runs.

    Comment by Striker — April 25, 2008 @ 11:23 am

  20. In panel 1, the poor lad in the outfield for Chenango Falls hasn’t a prayer of catching Hughes drive with a single slice toaster. The thing was nearly hit to the tennis courts anyway. Despite the handicap of having to play with a kitchen appliance attached to his hand, having the ball go through his head and landing on the spikes left in the exploding grass, he still managed to get the ball back in to hold Jimmy to a mere double. Gutsy.

    Panel 2 features Marty babbling drunkenly to himself in the stands wearing a wrestler’s ear protection and a sandwich board with his fantasy radio station call letters. He remains oblivious to the panic of the fans behind him, fleeing in terror from the mutant duck in the background.

    Finally in panel 3, Elmer has lumbered around the bases so heavily he has not only lost his batting helmet, but has actually forced home plate another two inches into the ground. He then thoughfully passes on his built-up static charge to an impatient teammate.

    Hey KAZ-BOT, this isn’t schnapps, it’s wood alcohol!

    Comment by Cubsguy — April 25, 2008 @ 12:05 pm

  21. BTW, if Marty does play by play, who does color?

    Marty Moon used to have a radio partner named Paul. No clue what happened to him.

    Comment by Ennui Willie Keeler — April 25, 2008 @ 12:21 pm

  22. Jamie,

    You are correct. When Jack Berrill started Gil Thorp back in 1958 he was living in New Milford, CT. He never designated a home state for Milford in an effort to keep it more interesting and universal for his readers. It took a lot of persuading, and a contest to boot, before Jack finally relented and added the Mudlark nickname in 1993.

    Comment by myronbooth — April 25, 2008 @ 1:02 pm

  23. That’s gotta be the lamest home-run celebration ever. And the caption that goes with it is truly confusing. It sounds as if Vargas’ three-run shot was a game-ending homer (which would make the high-flipper the lamest victory celebration ever), but that only works if you assume Milford plays using the fabled “seven-run rule.” Aaarrghh, once again, too much thought wasted on a Gil Thorp panel.

    Comment by Tim O'Shenko — April 25, 2008 @ 1:27 pm

  24. That is some angle the OF is at – how you stay on your feet like that is amazing. The last time I looked like that I was in a funhouse with those mirrors that made you look like Dorf.
    Panel 2 has 4 eyes open and 4 eyes closed. Marty has 2 of the open eyes. Can you find the other 2?

    Comment by RobM — April 25, 2008 @ 5:12 pm

  25. When Marty was lured over to WDIG (Digging inthe Dirt) so he could practice his special asshole brand of radio, Paul stayed behind to call the games from the old station whose call letter escape me at the moment. There was about a week or so long series where Marty would be his sensationalist dildonic self calling games while Paul called it straight and polite – straight outta Dullsville. After that series, I never saw Paul again.

    Comment by Sgt Saunders — April 25, 2008 @ 5:52 pm

  26. Paul could reappear at any moment — just as if he never left at all…

    Comment by Striker — April 25, 2008 @ 5:58 pm

  27. Sadly, Paul was buried with Jimmy Hoffa (you didn’t hear it here).

    Comment by Gil'sBarber — April 25, 2008 @ 7:44 pm

  28. I initially thought the guy in panel 2 (with the giant hand) was simply crying, but I like the heart attack explanation better. Although it could be that he is about to sneeze, in which case the giant hand comes in… handy.

    Comment by Thorpnotized — April 26, 2008 @ 10:45 am

  29. Binghamton (the girls’ softball team plays them) and Chenango Forks are, or at least when I was growing up were, part of the Sullivan Trail Conference. But Elmira Free Academy (EFA), also part of the S.T.C., are the Blue Devils – I can’t imagine Chenango Forks also being named that.

    I suspect they’re playing out-of-conference, and really reside somewhere up by Syracuse or Rochester. No idea where Midvale or Valley High might be though.

    Comment by Blue Raider — April 26, 2008 @ 8:04 pm

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