This Week in Milford

August 26, 2008

The Summer that Elmer Ruined

Filed under: baseball, Boredom in Milford, Pantheon of Hair — jasbeattie @ 8:16 am

Elmer takes time out from trying out his new funnel glove (because why would you attempt to catch that way with a normal glove?) to learn he is in the starting line-up today! Then the guy who’s older than Gil Thorp’s great-grandpappy, whose name I don’t feel like looking up, (which is fine, because I know you don’t care who he is anyway,) sarcastically wishes him luck, because he realizes he’ll need lots of luck to not suck. Good luck, don’t suck, Elmer! Oops, turns out just telling you that doesn’t work. You suck, no-luck El-mullet-uck.

Something that dawned on me today: At some point over the summer, Whigham manned up and came up with a font that’s not comic sans! You gotta admit, the lettering looks a lot better now than it did in April.

Something else that dawned on me today: The last two years, football season in Milford has kicked off on the first Monday in September. If Neal would be so kind as to continue that tradition, it would mean only four more days of this tripe. Which is of course fabulous news! I just hope all the exciting cliffhangers can be wrapped up by then. After all, I wouldn’t want to have an unsatisfied feeling at the end of “The Summer that Elmer Ruined.”

In case you are still paying attention (and why would you be?), why not check out the latest entry into the Pantheon of Hair: Ted Pearse, as written by Marie?


  1. Weird hands and fists, yada yada yada.

    C’mon football season! Explosions, chainsaw accidents, archaic offenses, murderous teens, vandalism. Do you think Whigham is gonna give us chopstick chinstraps?

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — August 26, 2008 @ 9:05 am

  2. Great catch on the lettering, Jason! I didn’t notice the changeover when it happened, but it looks a thousand times better now. Keep up the good work, Whigham! Now just draw chopsticks jutting out of facemasks (AND KAZ’S EARRINGS) and maybe I’ll bother learning your first name!

    As long as I’m giving props to Whigham, I actually really like El Mullet’s (Spanish for: The Mullet) facial expression in panel 3. Without irony. This is a 17-year-old kid who got so many fluke hits and read so many puff pieces about himself that he started thinking he could actually play with these guys. And what you see in panel 3 is the exact moment when his ego begins to shatter. Good times.

    As for the rest of the art… is Crusty Veteran Guy wearing hobo makeup around his mouth in panel 2?

    Comment by Cash — August 26, 2008 @ 9:15 am

  3. Hobos wear makeup?

    Comment by Scott de B. — August 26, 2008 @ 9:23 am

  4. A guy on a “pro” baseball team has to be REMINDED to check the lineup card just
    before a game?

    “Duh — sorry Coach, left field’s been empty through the first inning?”

    Comment by Gil'sBarber — August 26, 2008 @ 9:34 am

  5. Dig that giant freak hand in Panel One! It looks like his thumb was hacked off and sewn back on at some point. Some recent point, too, because he doesn’t seem to be completely in control of it yet.

    “Hey Elmer, check the lineup card!” *jams thumb up nose*

    Comment by jules — August 26, 2008 @ 9:48 am

  6. Wow, the owner sprung for one-size-fits-all hats. Sweet.

    Also, I’ll bet catching that pitch flush in the palm of that catcher’s mitt musta hurt like seven mother-effers.

    Comment by treebuck — August 26, 2008 @ 10:35 am

  7. I don’t watch baseball much, but doesn’t the ump behind the plate normally wear different
    gear than the catcher? Looks the same to me.

    Comment by Gil'sBarber — August 26, 2008 @ 10:42 am

  8. When the catcher calls Elmer “mascot,” it wasn’t simply a term of endearment. After his poor performance, Elmer is going to be knocked down so far down the roster that he will be soon only be referred to as the “Kalamazoo Goofball.”

    OK, I know that’s not going to really happen, but a man can dream, can’t he?

    Comment by El Santo — August 26, 2008 @ 11:20 am

  9. In panel 2, it looks like Elmer is wearing Professor Farnsworth’s Finglonger.

    Comment by sourbelly — August 26, 2008 @ 11:54 am

  10. I don’t know. The Reds registered an out this season after a
    player batted out of order. That’s in the league where they
    display a large picture of the correct batter with their name
    and batting average.

    Comment by Gray — August 26, 2008 @ 12:22 pm

  11. Plus the Frontier League wraps up at the end of August.

    We can only hope.

    Comment by Gray — August 26, 2008 @ 12:23 pm

  12. I don’t know how they conduct fall sports in Milford, but around here, football and field hockey begin practicing the second week of August. Apparently, Milford has done away with any preseason, so that Gil can fly his cropduster around Michigan.

    Comment by Fuzzy — August 26, 2008 @ 12:58 pm

  13. Since when did they start playing baseball with flaming balls? I’ve got to start watching minor league!

    Comment by Bryce — August 26, 2008 @ 1:44 pm

  14. The crusty veteran/hobo guy (I think his name is Reid, but I’m too lazy to look at the old strips) looks kinda Vince McMahon-ish today.

    Jules, you beat me to the thumb reference, but I’m still cracking up at your post about the thumb being sewn back on.

    Whigham and Rubin better hurry up and deport ElMullet…we have less than a week til September.

    I agree Jason, ElMullet ruined a summer that we could have had some great craziness. They could have made this horrible storyline awesome-o if Clambake had wandered to Kalamazoo and told some of his old timey Negro League stories to these minor league losers. The best part is only ElMullet would know he’s a faker and I doubt that any of these losers would be smart enough to believe him. (Well maybe the veteran/hobo/Vince McMahon guy…he’s their 58 year old answer to Ken Burger.)

    Comment by Regina — August 26, 2008 @ 2:43 pm

  15. Either that pitch was way outside, or Elmer isn’t even standing in the batter’s box. Also, I think he’d be a better hitter if he used an actual bat, rather than that broomstick he’s wielding.

    I don’t think that’s a flaming ball, Bryce. I’m pretty sure it’s a flaming marshmallow. Maybe the umpire called it a strike because he’s expecting to get some tasty s’mores.

    Pro tip: Try making s’mores with peanut butter cups instead of plain chocolate.

    Comment by Wikitorix — August 26, 2008 @ 6:20 pm

  16. Not only ‘weird’, ‘giant freak’ hands, but now a 6-fingered hand in Panel 2!
    Maybe L-Mer should try his ‘hand’ at pitching, ala C.C. Sabathia – who, at last count, was born with and still has 6 digits on each hand.

    Comment by GBC MD — August 26, 2008 @ 7:11 pm

  17. Sorry, that was ‘The Octopus’ – ‘El Pulpo’, aka Antonio Alfonseca, who has 6 digits on each hand and foot (polydactyly), not C.C.

    Comment by GBC MD — August 26, 2008 @ 7:29 pm

  18. In all seriousness, I was starting to wonder whatever became of Mr. Grumpypants (Like Regina, I don’t remember/don’t feel like looking up his name, so I’m just going to call him “Mr. Grumpypants” from now on), whether his little beef with Elmer had been settled, etc. Guess not.

    Comment by emptyeye — August 27, 2008 @ 4:42 am

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