This Week in Milford

February 6, 2009

Dylan Bares His Soul Patch

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, lame jokes, Swifti Mart — nedryerson @ 7:45 am


Ouch! The dreaded text message break-up. That hits you right in the NutBoys.*

Okay, nuts, check. Next order of business is freak hands. I’m pretty sure Brenda is supposed to be wearing gloves, but Panel 2 still freaks me out. Maybe it’s because the finger tips melted together, or because the gloves have knuckles.

And now for the pathos. Puppy dog-eyed Dylan appeals directly to us. It was a bum rap, I wasn’t anywhere near the Swifti Mart. I don’t even like NutBoys. I’m allergic to peanuts. Those records were supposed to be sealed! If my eyes don’t convince you, look down at my soul patch. The soul patch doesn’t lie. Trust the soul patch.

*For the record and as fair warning, as long as this Swifti Mart robbery plot stays in the foreground, I’m going to keep referencing NutBoys as much as possible. Well, I probably would anyway, because any gag referencing nuts is funny. It’s comedy gold. Gold, Jerry, gold! Having said that, let me share a joke I heard last night:

A sea captain walks into a bar with a ship’s wheel attached to the crotch of his pants. The bartender asks him why he has a ship’s wheel attached to his crotch. The sea captain replies, “Arr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”


  1. Panel 2, love Brenda’s moustache.

    Comment by Bill-DC — February 6, 2009 @ 8:09 am

  2. Nutboys! Still shitty!

    Comment by Gil'sBarber — February 6, 2009 @ 8:25 am

  3. I will use that joke at least 3 times today. Maybe 4.

    Comment by southmauldin — February 6, 2009 @ 8:42 am

  4. Dylan’s soul patch looks like it’s making a run from Brenda’s freak hand/glove in panel two.

    I saw panel three when I woke up this morning and those sad, puppy dog eyes scared the hell outta me and woke me the hell up. How come Dylan’s earring is bigger than Kaz’??? No fair!

    That being said: Nutboys-they’re still as shitty as ever and will give you the shits!

    Comment by Regina — February 6, 2009 @ 8:58 am

  5. I went back and re-read the panels (like everyone else I’m too busy staring at the craziness to read the narrative.) So Dylan was a stick-up artist? Who were his accomplices, Elf Boyd and Mitch Travolta? (Remember them???)

    Comment by Regina — February 6, 2009 @ 9:00 am

  6. Oh, gloves! That makes sense. I thought she just had the freakiest freak hand that ever freaked…which would also make sense, because this is “Gil Thorp,” but I’ll go with the glove explanation.

    My husband and I are familiar with the sea captain joke. Whenever something actually is driving one of us nuts, we’ll say it like that: “Yarr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!” and then we both snicker a lot, because we are very mature grown-ups. He says it’s particularly funny when I say it, considering…well, never mind.

    More Nutboy jokes!

    Comment by jules — February 6, 2009 @ 9:21 am

  7. Hey, Dylan, try not to use the word “with” twice in the same sentence, jackass!

    New Improved Nutboys: Now 40% shittier!!!

    Comment by Sourbelly — February 6, 2009 @ 9:22 am

  8. Arr, that’s been my favorite pirate joke for a while. I was glad to see it pop up on My Name Is Earl. And then here.


    Potential band names: Self-Clubbing Tyler & The Nutboys
    Ogden’s Nutboy Flake

    That’s all I got for now. Where’s my medicine?

    Comment by bartcow — February 6, 2009 @ 9:44 am

  9. I am deeply disappointed by Brenda’s obedience to her parents’ wishes. I was hoping she’d run off to Mexico (or Kalamazoo, I’m not picky) with Dylan and his soul patch.

    Comment by KarenD — February 6, 2009 @ 9:55 am

  10. Once again, Rubin totally destorys any sense of drama he could have milked with Dylan’s revelation. The guy needs to go. Maybe he can do that Christian comic with Rob Liefeld about the Apocalypse. Then that comic could suck so much it would create the world’s biggest black hole and destroy the universe.

    Comment by Doug Puthoff — February 6, 2009 @ 10:42 am

  11. LOL Doug!

    I’m trying to imagine what Brenda said in her text message.

    we r thru, cul ?

    Comment by Gil'sBarber — February 6, 2009 @ 11:42 am

  12. Will MMHS (Milford Melty Hands Syndrome) become the latest deformity epidemic in the land-o-the-thorp? I can only hope!

    Comment by Teasipper Academy — February 6, 2009 @ 11:42 am

  13. This is a job for Cashew-Man — and his trusty sidekick, Nutboy!

    Comment by johnw — February 6, 2009 @ 11:57 am

  14. Panel 1:
    Dylan: I cant believe you broke up with me in a Text Message:

    Brenda: Leave me alone… and don’t look at me… I was so upset, I went to school with out Pants… Hey Dylan, is that a Nutboy in your pocket or are you happy to see me!!

    Comment by El Lumpbo — February 6, 2009 @ 1:34 pm

  15. Somebody was watching My Name is Earl last night.

    Comment by B — February 6, 2009 @ 3:14 pm

  16. Gil Thorp goes into a bar. He orders six shots of straight bourbon and downs them in succession. The barkeep says, “What was that all about?”. Gil says, “I just had a blow job”. The barkeep says “So you’re celebrating?”. Gil replies, “No, I’m just trying to get the taste out of my mouth”.

    Comment by mr. beautiful — February 6, 2009 @ 5:15 pm

  17. Sacko: “Hey, Rajah, what flavor Nut Boy is that?”

    Rajah: “Cashew!”

    Sacko: “Gesundheit!”

    Thank you! Thank you! Have a great weekend and see you at the Bucket!

    Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — February 6, 2009 @ 6:10 pm

  18. So Dyaln was the muscle and financier of the Bad News Taurus Gang. Whaddaya know. Query what it is about Milford that attracts teen criminals – first Cully the Fallaway Slammer and now John Dylan-jerk here, stick-up artist and two-bit thug. Watch it Brenda, he’s packing a roscoe, plus that soul patch is as sharp as a razor!

    Brought to you by Nutboy – More Shittiness per Ounce Than the Leading Brand.

    Comment by Sgt. Saunders — February 7, 2009 @ 11:26 am

  19. […] but a deadbeat 22-year-old pizza flipper. (You can tell he’s a deadbeat ’cause of that Dylan Bauza soul-patch thing.) Despite the awkward expositional dialogue, this is sorta close to promising as far as plot set-up […]

    Pingback by Return of the Helmet! « This Week in Milford — December 28, 2009 @ 12:55 am

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