This Week in Milford

July 21, 2010

Cue the Kenny Loggins Music

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Gil Thorp, Just plain sad, Milford Weirdos — jasbeattie @ 8:26 am


It’s time for the Great Summer Douche-Off 2010!

Our next competitor: “Kemper” who feels the need to loudly barge in late, announcing he had to meet with a sports shrink. Nice hair “Kemper”.

Not to be outdone, Gil jumps into the Douche-Off by instantly suspecting the two junior douches were named after slightly famous golf courses. Douche-point, Gil!

But the Douche-Off is won by the Peake parents, who apparently did name their children after slightly famous golf courses. (Too bad we haven’t gotten to meet their other kids, Augusta, St. Andrew and their very special youngest son, Pitch n’ Putt.)

If I were Gil, I would have said “Torrey and Kemper? Like the Torrey Canyon supertanker that shipwrecked and caused an environmental disaster and Edmund Kemper, aka ‘The Co-Ed Killer’?” But in that case, Gil’s talking crotch would probably not have responded “You got it!”


“You idiot, ‘Beach’ isn’t a golf course.”


“Most of the kids went home once I ignored them completely in favor of talking to those two douchy teens. I wonder why douchy teens alwyas want to talk to me.”
“Ummm…because you’re the biggest douche in town. No surprise there.”
“Aw crap. That goose is back. Gil, I want you to kill every golfer on this golf course!”
“Correct me if I’m wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they’re gonna lock me up and throw away the key…”
“Not if the Peakes are on the course!”
“What does any of this have to do with that goose?
“Nothing, I just figured a good Caddyshack reference would help liven up this snoozefest.”
“Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!”


  1. Hey, when did Wilford Brimley put on his toupee?

    Most of the younger kids went home when they realized that their coach is a douchey, lazy lush.

    I live in New Rochelle and we have a golf course named Wykagyl in the Wykagyl Country Club. Can you imagine if those douchey parents had named one of their kids that mouthful?

    Kemper could also be named after the Kemper Arena, which has the dubious distinction of being the place where Owen Hart was killed.

    Now you’ll haveto excuse Torrey, she’s off to her pole vaulting lesson.

    Comment by Regina — July 21, 2010 @ 8:46 am

  2. So, let’s get this straight…..Instead of naming their douchebag kids after famous GOLFERS, they name them after famous golf courses. If they had aspirations to raise them to play baseball, they would have been named Fenway and Wrigley? Chavez Ravine? These could be two of the most unlikable people to ever grace this strip……..

    Comment by Knoxy — July 21, 2010 @ 9:06 am

  3. I hope this Twin Peakes storyline end up with Kaz punching somebody.

    Comment by Scott de B. — July 21, 2010 @ 9:17 am

  4. Kemper has a “Von Haney” look going. Maybe Von will come back and beat the crap out of him for stealing his look.

    No, it’s not Von – it’s Kemper’s pseudo-namesake Werner Klemperer, who was Col. Klink on Hogan’s Heros. Give Kemper a monicle and he is Col. Klink! So Kemper’s new name is Klemperer.

    The “hronk” isn’t a goose. In panel #2, there is a swirling time-space disturbance occurring behind Wilfred. In panel #3, the slight explosion with the “hronk” obviously means that the life has been sucked out of this comic for another summer: thus the “not again” comment.

    Comment by milfordian — July 21, 2010 @ 9:19 am

  5. Oh no, it’s Marty Moon in his golf cart with the bumper sticker reading, “HRONK If You’re Horny!” (but i like the time-space disturbance theory also)

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — July 21, 2010 @ 9:50 am

  6. HRONK is the sound Gil usually makes when he ralphs into the bushes after a bender at the 19th hole – but Gil’s standing right there! What could be making that noise?? Better hire…Coach Kaz, PI!

    Comment by jules — July 21, 2010 @ 10:07 am

  7. @Knoxy

    My wife is a Cubs fan and I am a Rockies fan, so I joked with her that she could name a daughter “Addison” (the street Wrigley Field is on) if I could name a son “Blake” (the street that Coors Field is on). We wouldn’t actually stoop to that level of douchary though.

    Comment by Bling Shabadoo — July 21, 2010 @ 11:03 am

  8. We need a better view of Kemper-He may be a candidate for the Milford Pantheon of Hair.

    Hronk! I think we’re about to meet Mr. Peakes.
    “Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.”

    Comment by DieClambakeDie — July 21, 2010 @ 11:05 am

  9. Great reference to Kenny Loggins music JB; for my $$$ Loggins’ music is penultimate douchery!
    Gee that’s cold making fun of Kemper’s hair; that’s a cheap toupee like Wilford’s; poor lad has a case of alopecia arreata. His dates never complain about the ‘smooth sailing’, however.

    Comment by semperfi4evr — July 21, 2010 @ 11:56 am

  10. I think the “HRONK!” was Gil farting, leaving Wilford to say with disgust “Oh no, not that again!”

    Comment by Regina — July 21, 2010 @ 12:03 pm

  11. There must be some kind of story plan, but it isn’t being set up well.
    What is this event supposed to be?
    Why are teenagers who play the game well enough to have their own equipment showing up with a bunch of beginners?
    Why didn’t golf course guy warn Gil?
    Don’t Torrey and Kemper know you wait until the money is on the table before going outside for your own cue?

    Comment by dale — July 21, 2010 @ 12:37 pm

  12. Hoping against hope that HRONK is the opening note of the horn on Al Czervik’s golf car. I know it’s impossible, but I am led on by the fact that the Wilfred Brimley character looks so much like the caddymaster from Caddyshack, just thirty years older.

    Comment by vaganova — July 21, 2010 @ 1:05 pm

  13. I think the Twin Peaker’s are hitting golf balls at the ducks such as losers will do. One week in my dojo and I’ll whip them into shape. Bow to your Sensei. I SAID BOW TO YOUR SENSEI. That’s better.

    Comment by Rex Kwon Do — July 21, 2010 @ 1:19 pm

  14. – I think the “HRONK!” was Gil farting, leaving Wilford to say with disgust “Oh no, not that again!” –

    If we’re Caddyshacking this storyline, Wilford should have said “Did somebody step on a duck?”

    Comment by billytheskink — July 21, 2010 @ 3:52 pm

  15. i think the hronk is slim pickins and the longshots showing up in that p.o.s van . cassies wearing hot pants but still needs a boob job

    Comment by mr120zcan — July 21, 2010 @ 5:54 pm

  16. Hey Wang!

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — July 21, 2010 @ 6:55 pm

  17. If Rubin and Chief Whigham were going to a wacky movie storyline, I wish they had picked National Lampoon’s Vacation. Hilarity would ensue when Gil and Mimi put Principal Pearl’s body on top of the station wagon and leave her on Marty Moon’s doorstep.

    Comment by Regina — July 21, 2010 @ 7:19 pm

  18. “Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!”

    I am pretty sure Mimi has seen the gardner today.

    Comment by bevo — July 22, 2010 @ 2:11 am

  19. Wow! How did they manage to get A-Rod to play the part of “Kemper”?

    Comment by gwilo — July 22, 2010 @ 7:32 am

  20. Yes, the father has made an appearance. He is the biggest toolshed of the bunch.

    Comment by DieClambakeDie — July 22, 2010 @ 11:27 am

  21. An airhorn on a golf course?? You kiddin me? I love the teaching techniques of Mr. Peake. How he gets away with that is beyond me.

    Comment by Rob — July 22, 2010 @ 6:23 pm

  22. I have alot of .avi files on my laptop. They’re movies. Like DVD copies and stuff. And i wanna burn them all to invididual CD-s and watch them on my tv. But i have a Few Questions: 1. I have CD-R 4.7GB cd’s is that Okay? 2. I want the CD to be good quality ( I want to watch them on my 52 inch LCD Sony TV) 3. I want the audio quality to be good too (I have a bose surround sound system. 4. The current disc-burning software i have, and use, is Nero 9. The latest version 5. My system is a Windows 7 x64 Ultimate Core 2 Duo 2.4 Ghz, 4 GB ram Nvidia 8400M GS w 256 MB dedicated memory. 6. I want to be able to burn fast – but still have good quality to watch on my nice Hi-Def tv :) 7. I am willing to buy other software. 7. Thanks guys!!


    Comment by EconfoucT — September 19, 2010 @ 4:05 am

  23. […] Well, I’m glad that’s settled. Ed is neither the express nor implied racist we suspected him to be (or, at least, he’s not gonna cop to that). Neither is he really that concerned about Jaquan’s post-NBA career. He just wanted baby girl to come home and join/take over his practice. I mean, why should the Foley Law Group beat him to the punch? With that, Ed V. Baxendale joins the pantheon of Milford parents living vicariously through the lives of their children (if not outright preordaining their career paths via their names). […]

    Pingback by Oh Yeah? Jump On This! | This Week in Milford — August 17, 2019 @ 6:13 pm

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