This Week in Milford

December 11, 2010

The Passion Of The Crapweasel

Filed under: Just plain sad, Milford Weirdos — nedryerson @ 6:42 am


Here’s the disappointing comeuppance, delivered by two stock dudes and one completely new weirdo named Cornrowed Urkel. I don’t know. Maybe it’s the band geek from last year. The team held a charity auction for a spot on this lame-ass lynch mob and the band geek won. Plus he got his hair done extra geeky for the occasion.


As lame as this is, at least there are limitless possibilities for Jam-Jar to suffer humiliation until Steve Luhm shows up to cut him down. I’m picturing an endless parade of us long suffering Mudlarks (a million strong if I use some specious math) filing by to dump picante sauce, Vick’s vapo-rub, transmission fluid, the cranberry sauce I just found in the back of the fridge from Thanksgiving (2009), old salmon squares, rancid Nutboys, coffee grounds and the contents of a couple dozen ant farms all over the jerk. (Mel Gibson’s on line one, he wants the film rights!)

Is this the end of football season? Wouldn’t it be nice if Jam-Jar was left taped to the lockers for the whole basketball season and occasionally featured in the background of a panel with months’ accumulation of crap all over him? Failing that, how about completely ignoring his one note character for the whole season or relegating him to Duncan or Jeff status? We get it. He’s conceited and he runs his mouth. The well is dry (but Jam-Jar isn’t. I’m heading over there with some old gravy I just found.)


  1. THAT is an impressive amount of tape!

    I’ll be by with some slightly runny gorgonzola cheese later, Jamjar!

    Comment by milfordian — December 11, 2010 @ 9:16 am

  2. Why those un-creative Cretins! They had the tape; I wanted them to ‘Kojac’ his giblits.

    Comment by SemperFi4evr — December 11, 2010 @ 9:25 am

  3. Hey, that’s not Jeff Ponczak, is it? This guy is clearly 5’9″ instead of 6’9″. Sure, it might be some other Jeff, but if it isn’t – I want the story of how he lost an entire foot of height! It’s got to beat the hell out of whatever storyline is about to commence.

    Comment by jules — December 11, 2010 @ 9:43 am

  4. “Wait a minute. I have basketball”. What the F&%k does that mean? Is that a code word for herpes?

    Comment by knoxy — December 11, 2010 @ 12:21 pm

  5. I took it to mean he has basketball practice to go to Knoxy.

    Also, I think cornrowed Urkel might just be Marcus Tedford wearing glasses. Sadly.

    Comment by billytheskink — December 11, 2010 @ 1:11 pm

  6. It would have been even funnier if they took a page out of the Valley Tech prankster’s playbook and threw tires on top of him and then even better roll him in front of a freight train.

    Comment by Regina — December 11, 2010 @ 1:39 pm

  7. Those guys better watch out, it looks like Jam-Jar is transforming himself into Mum-Ra, the Everliving!

    Comment by Jason — December 11, 2010 @ 3:23 pm

  8. maybe they should have taped earphones to his head that would only play backyard tire fire on a endless loop. where are dr pearls hall monitors by the way .

    Comment by mr120zcan — December 11, 2010 @ 4:09 pm

  9. Even Hillary Forth has skipped over to help tape up the nonentity.

    Comment by Dood — December 11, 2010 @ 4:17 pm

  10. Ooohh… duct tape on the hair. That’s gonna hurt.

    Jason, in your Parade of Jam-Jar garnishes, you forgot Icy Hot. I’d recommend a good slathering on all exposed areas.

    Comment by jvwalt — December 12, 2010 @ 10:19 am

  11. They forgot to spray down his shoes with lighter fluid or put a firecracker down his pants.

    Thanks Rubin, thank you for announcing that the midget will be part of the basketball story. Aren’t there any other kids in this school?

    Comment by DieClambakeDie — December 13, 2010 @ 8:22 am

  12. New storyline Monday – all is forgotton – JamJar, tape, football. Boy,sure is a letdown. As usual.

    Comment by Rob — December 13, 2010 @ 7:54 pm

  13. Is Lini the boy whose fingers aren’t all stuck together?
    That would make him special in at least one way.

    Comment by dale — December 14, 2010 @ 12:26 am

  14. I’ve never seen anyone like Lini in this comic. I wonder what sport he’ll be playing? No reason why he can’t play basketball. He will challenge the narrow perceptions of the jocks.

    Comment by David Black — December 14, 2010 @ 1:38 am

  15. […] court. It would be a cause for celebration, except we also learn that Jam-Jar did not in fact die taped to a locker bank. Instead he is now clogging the middle of the strip for yet another season.For the love of Luhm, […]

    Pingback by The revenge of the brastrap « This Week in Milford — December 29, 2010 @ 6:34 am

  16. […] Well color me surprised. This feels less like an end to an arc and more like a “to be continued…” As the trees in Milford begin to bud, will we see these two again anytime soon? Will Kenzie make the Lady Mudlarks softball team, or will USA Rugby come calling for her? Will Maxwell Bacon be put into storage again until next December? Your guess is as good as mine, but at least we know Maxwell will be no Jamar Gaddis. […]

    Pingback by Nobody Puts Bacon in a Locker | This Week in Milford — April 9, 2016 @ 5:14 pm

  17. […] will tell if Claxton’s teammates will take up his case and put Spiller in his place (e.g., taped to a locker). How’s Gil gonna quash this dissent on the football team? He doesn’t have a spunky […]

    Pingback by There’s a Certain Aurora Around Milford Volleyball | This Week in Milford — October 6, 2021 @ 1:07 pm

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