This Week in Milford

July 9, 2011

Stunningly Asstastic!

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Gil Thorp — nedryerson @ 6:18 am


Stunning, eh? What’s stunning is that we’re back here again for another summer…of golf. Hey, forget Jerry’s stunning practice bunker. I’d like to see Fuzzy Zoeller try to pitch out of the giant pile of horse dung Gil is laying down.

Molly Kinsella?! (Who I totally don’t have a cardboard bikini hot tub picture of on my phone) What are you doing here? mr120ozcan already suggested that she’s selling test tube shots out of that apron o’ booze. I’m on board with that.
What’ll it be Coach Thorp? Today we’re featuring buzz pot vodka jellies.
That sounds good. Gimme three…and call me Gil. (Now I remember why I came back to this shithole.)


Yeah, fashionable, like a cardboard bikini, (which I’ve never seen a picture of you in on my phone in a folder titled spank bank) look, come and find me say every 30 minutes or so. I’ve got to go look at the most disagreeable thing I’m going to see all day, that is until I befoul the clubhouse after lunch. You’ve got a bright future in caddying!

And now we bring you gratuitous ass shots of teen males in mom jeans golf shorts.

And now we bring you a panel that is leading up to a very stupid golf pun (and is also visually more disturbing than the previous panel. Seriously, I can’t even say anything about this….stunned again.)


  1. Has Molly graduated? Have we seen the “Gil bangs a former student” summer plot line? He needs to quit interrogating Hitler Jr. and get on that.

    Comment by gwilo — July 9, 2011 @ 6:31 am

  2. Gil:”Excuse me son, what are you driving today?”
    Son:”Molly Kinsella. Actually it’s more like pile driving. I have to stretch before I have a go at it….”

    Comment by Knoxy — July 9, 2011 @ 7:28 am

  3. I am forced to conclude that “What are you driving today?” is Gil’s clever way of saying “Whatcha packin’ in them shorts, son?” (Now I know why Gil’s been studiously avoiding Mimi’s advances for the last few months; he’s been looking forward to another Summer O’ Fun in the locker room.)

    Hey, we’re all gents at the Milford Country Club. “Throw away yer rubbers, boys, there’s no one here but men, men, men, men…”

    Comment by jvwalt — July 9, 2011 @ 8:58 am

  4. Gil: “Excuse me son, what are you driving today?”
    Son: “Miss Daisy; now would you go away and stop staring at my ass with that gleam in your eye?”

    Comment by semperfi4evr — July 9, 2011 @ 9:09 am

  5. Have we seen the “Gil bangs a former student” summer plot line?

    It would be awesome. Not Clambake awesome but still…

    Comment by bevo — July 9, 2011 @ 6:20 pm

  6. “Coach Thorp! What are you doing here? What about the restraining order?”

    Ah, those kids “eager to learn, all ages…new faces. Hey, which one of you SOBs cut me off with the minivan?”

    Comment by Dood — July 9, 2011 @ 8:23 pm

  7. My guess: Kenny is home schooled.

    My wish: Kenny is much bigger than Gil.

    Comment by dale — July 9, 2011 @ 9:26 pm

  8. Kenny Lark + Molly Kinsella = Hot Summer Romance! Check it! Count it! Bonk! ROWR!

    Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — July 9, 2011 @ 9:36 pm

  9. Whigrub, you’re scarin’ me. Given the Whigrub M. O., all central players in the season’s plot line will be introduced within the first few days. So. We have Long Tall Molly, who aside from being the best athlete in the school the past couple of years, also carries the baggage of being Milford’s own cardboard bikini model. And we have a new character, this dullard “X-Lark,” whose sole distinguishing characteristics so far are that he’s a bad driver who ties his identity closely to what he’s driving. And Gil.

    Unless Torrid Pines makes a sudden appearance, this could be a very long summer.

    Comment by vaganova — July 9, 2011 @ 10:41 pm

  10. This summer storyline has yet to Peake.


    Comment by Dood — July 10, 2011 @ 12:39 pm

  11. Did ya ever just want to punch Gil Thorp in the face?

    I’m driving my fist into your skull, ya perv.

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — July 10, 2011 @ 7:50 pm

  12. “It’s stunning here, Jerry. By the way, have you done any digging in the woods between the 11th and 12th fairways?”

    Comment by Dood — July 11, 2011 @ 7:41 am

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