This Week in Milford

August 18, 2011

Now let’s all stay home and watch your mom snoorx herself.

Filed under: freak hands, Gil Thorp, hideous scar faces, Milford Weirdos — jasbeattie @ 11:41 pm


“You’ve got a plan? Is it an intermission?”
“No, we’re still in the middle of the  scene!”
“No, I  mean, uh that thing where we all confront my mom and tell her how she has a problem and it makes us sad and junk…”
“An intervention? Hell no! It’s time for nonsensical wacky hijinks! I’ll tell you about it tomorrow…”



“OK, I’ve been waiting all day…so what do we do?”
“Well, after I pull the ol’ Torrey Peake point at the reader trick…It’s time to pull out the video camera!”
“What, why?”
“Jeez, didn’t you know videotaping stuff in Milford is comedy gold! Or occasionally SUPER comedy gold. Except of course when it’s not. Or when it’s really, really not.”
“So the plan is: Take video of my mom passed out?”
“Well…at least ’til she says ‘SNOORX’.”
“Boy, that ought to solve the problem.”
“Based on those links of everyone in this town always taking video of everything, you have a 50% chance of hilarity.”
“I like those odds. Then again, I don’t know math.”


“Gee Coach, I thought secretly filming my mom would feel skeezy and perverted, but I have to admit…it’s starting to give me a bit of a chub.”
“Good, that’s progress. Now did you find out where the key to the liquor cabinet is yet?”
“No, and to top it off, the battery went dead 30 minutes after she passed out naked in the shower. But I didn’t get mad about it! I’m sure glad my new-found enjoyment of my mother is making me less angry!”


  1. Secret taping is a crime in some jurisdictions.
    Having done illegal gambling, Gil and Molly are involved in another conspiracy.

    Doesn’t Rubin work for a newspaper? Has he ever read one?

    Comment by dale — August 19, 2011 @ 1:21 am

  2. And once again Gil encourages ethically questionable — if not downright illegal — tactics to resolve a problem. Are we going to show the videos to Mom, or are we going straight to YouTube? And if the videos don’t do the trick, will Kenny put a tripwire at the top of the stairs? A nice long hospital stay would force Mom to dry out.

    Comment by John S. Walters — August 19, 2011 @ 4:48 am

  3. “Spying on my mom, recording her, I thought I’d hate it but it feels good..especially when I go the footage of her making out with Coach Mimi.”

    I’m ashamed to admit I’ve been drunk a few times (just a few LOL) and I’ve never been able to acheive falling asleep with my drink in my folded hands without spilling it all over myself. Mrs. Mudlark is a genius! SNOORX!

    I wish someone would videotape Gil during his drunken shenanigans. Now THAT would be comedy gold!

    Comment by Regina — August 19, 2011 @ 6:06 am

  4. Snoorx sums up this foozle of a storyline.

    Will Marty have a new crate this year?

    Comment by Dood — August 19, 2011 @ 7:34 am

  5. Oh, yeah, Mimi’s poolboy: Snoorx Chud.

    Comment by Dood — August 19, 2011 @ 7:35 am

  6. Loved the [blue links] trip down Memory Lane Jason! Five years and you’re still on the cutting edge of snark. I’m assuming neither The Chief or The Rube sent you an anniversary card. Wouldn’t a canned ham have been nice? Or one of those Hickory Farms baskets o’ coronary? Could it be they’re unappreciative pedejo’s?

    Comment by semperfi4evr — August 19, 2011 @ 8:22 am

  7. Hickory Farms?! They’re shitty! Check it! Count it! Bonk! HRONK! FOOZLE! SNOORX!

    Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — August 19, 2011 @ 8:37 am

  8. Gil doesn’t have the record of recent successes to get away with such behavior.

    7 years since his last playdown team in football, 9 since his last playdown win.
    A playdown drought of 5 years in basketball and 1 playdown appearance with no victories in baseball since the 2003 season.

    Remember when Marty Moon would call for Gil to be fired because Milford just lost IN the playdowns? Remember when Moon enlisted his sister to try to get Gil fired after a year in which he made the playdowns in all three sports? Where has that Moon gone?
    He should be all over this and he should have been hammering home what Hobart said about Gil on his radio station.

    Comment by billytheskink — August 19, 2011 @ 9:02 am

  9. 7. lmao Don. Methinks ‘FOOZLE’ and “HRONK” are the sounds made when the H F victual exits the cloaca.

    Comment by semperfi4evr — August 19, 2011 @ 9:03 am

  10. Gil: Nice drive there, Kent. So let’s have a look at some of those videos.
    Kenny: But coach, I don’t know…I thought this was just so my mom could see…
    Gil: C’mon Keith, I wanna see your mom sloppy drunk! Now hand me your phone!
    Kenny: Okay, coach, but I feel a little weird about this…
    Gil: Thas okay Kendall, you’ll get over it. Okay, how does this thing…oh there it goes…Wow your mom is kinda freaking out there, but it’s actually kinda hot! Whoa, what the?
    Kenny: That’s me practicing some ninja moves in the garage!
    Gil: Oh, sorry. Say, Kerwin, do like movies about gladiators?

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — August 19, 2011 @ 10:16 am

  11. Looks like Mrs. Chudlark has hot videos of her own on her computer of Kenny and Molly. Snoorx!

    Comment by Dood — August 19, 2011 @ 12:50 pm

  12. This has to be the most creative use of video since Elmer Vargas shot all those hours out the bus window on minor league travel days. But you know what will happen: Mrs Chudlark will see herself snoring and bumping into things (but not spilling a drink!) and immediately reform. Ray may even return from the jungle to assist. But there won’t be any thorazine injections, DTs, or strait jackets– this is Milford!

    Wouldn’t it be nice if a sharp teenager like Molly could solve all OUR problems?

    Comment by vaganova — August 19, 2011 @ 3:12 pm

  13. Awfully long iron Ken has – looks like an oversize putter. In P3, Gil’s arm is at an odd angle to the rest of his body, and also the club got a lot shorter for where Kens right hand is. Artist, you’re fired!!

    Comment by Rob — August 19, 2011 @ 5:23 pm

  14. gil actually watching ken play golf with no molly around with booze apron ? whats this bastards motive probably wants to know if theres any nipple showing from the drunk momalark getting up drunk so fast.spill wine get that girl snorxx hronk count it

    Comment by mr120zcan — August 19, 2011 @ 6:27 pm

  15. […] Last year’s golf plot was so forgettable, I had to look up what it was about. (Answer: FOOZLE and DRUNK MOM). […]

    Pingback by Fore!-feiting another summer « This Week in Milford — July 3, 2012 @ 4:02 pm

  16. […] Point at the Reader” panel of the summer. Which is YOUR favorite… 2010, 2011 or this masterpiece of pointing […]

    Pingback by Shaving Private Boone « This Week in Milford — August 2, 2012 @ 1:53 pm

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