This Week in Milford

December 4, 2011

Asperger Dudes, Carry The News

Filed under: Coach Kaz, Exploding Eyeball Syndrome, football, freak hands, Gil Thorp — nedryerson @ 5:53 pm

Oops! Too much leftover ham and bottom shelf hooch took down the TWIM team. Let’s zip through this, shall we?

11/26/11

Speaking of tired cliches, when Gil dons a sport coat, it’s time to put some asshole in his place by humiliating him in front of a crowd. Bringing a leathered up Kaz along is a nice touch. Dank Diddly is sweatin’ bullets wondering if he’s gonna get a beatdown. Plus, he knows his sideburns are put to shame by Kaz’s.

11/28/11

That’s right, Duncan Dinkly, you better bobble that head. Meanwhile, turtlenecked Tom Selleck considers a question.

11/29/11

And the votes are in. Wildcat is banned from games so his has to sit at home and listen to the finale on his Philco while drinking  Glock brand vodka.

11/30/11

That’s a moving football? Hope we don’t have to see that again! High five fail.

12/1/11

I hear that kicker has Asperger’s and that they don’t like getting teabagged. Watch this!

12/2/11

I wonder how Brody felt about a face full of that Valley Tech kid’s junk. Let’s ignore that crappy “moving football” and focus on the majesty of Kaz’s sideburn.

12/3/11

Conclusion: Valley Tech sucks.

Well, that was exhausting. Please dear Mudlarks, feel free to infuse your hilarity into these final two panels. Every time I start to write something about them, I spray my keyboard with some of this leftover stuffing I just found in the back of the fridge. (It’s not bad if you’ve knocked back a couple shots of Glock!)

31 Comments »

  1. “Wildcat, I got CHUNKS of guys like you in my STOOL!”

    Comment by sgtsaunders — December 4, 2011 @ 6:50 pm

  2. So presumably Valley Tech gets flagged for roughing the kicker. The next text is “3 plays later and 15 yards closer…” Presumably the 15 yards is the roughing the kicker penalty. Because otherwise Milford would have a first down. So I assume that means that Milford’s offense was so woeful it couldn’t gain one measly yard in three tries.

    Comment by Scott de B. — December 4, 2011 @ 7:42 pm

  3. There’s only one thing I like about the past week’s scripts: apparently Milford’s conference has started using felt footballs like in the old crappy Electric Football game. No wonder Milford can’t kick.

    Otherwise, what a trainwreck of a denouement we’ve got here. First of all, we have Gil being a bigger asshole than Wildcat and Deke combined. And bringing along Kaz The Bouncer for backup. Now, that’s sportsmanship!

    Then we have the Booster Club backing Gil and his 0-8 record. Considering how much Gil’s been losing lately, the Boosters oughta be calling for his head. “Still learning and hustling,” my ass — let’s see some wins, coach!

    And finally, we’ve got Brody, lifelong Asperger kid, apparently being cured by kicking a few footballs and getting knocked on his keister. A lot like those old sitcoms, when somebody’d get konked on the head and lose their memory, and then get konked again and be just fine.

    Even by Gil Thorp standards, this week was a complete mess.

    Comment by jvwalt — December 4, 2011 @ 8:19 pm

  4. Notice Derek Tolan’s face is recycled from 11/29 to 12/3. But if I had drawn as perfect a likeness of a Vulcan as that, I wouldn’t want to use it just once either.

    Comment by vaganova — December 4, 2011 @ 9:59 pm

  5. 12/01 panel #2: the Valley Tech thug is “Skeltor” from “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe”! Excellent evil character, guys!

    12/03 panel #2: I was worried for a second – I thought Jamjar had returned! Turns out Derek Toenail looks a lot like Jamjar from that angle!

    The return of Jamjar – now that’s scary!

    We missed you guys all week, Jason and Ned!

    Comment by Milfordian — December 5, 2011 @ 7:34 am

  6. Well, paint my spirit rock, does Gil own Valley Tech or what?

    Comment by Dood — December 5, 2011 @ 9:10 am

  7. And just like a lot of old sitcoms [especially Happy Days] this strip has jumped the shark!!!

    Comment by semperfi4evr — December 5, 2011 @ 9:52 am

  8. 12/1, panel 1: Are there *any* proofreaders working at Mudlark Industries? I mean, I know I wouldn’t want the job, and I’ve been out of work for two years … but still.

    Comment by spencer — December 5, 2011 @ 9:56 am

  9. I think Kaz has sideburn stencils, like the “Night at the Roxbury” guys.

    Comment by lauramac — December 5, 2011 @ 10:34 am

  10. Glock should so get into the booze brand extension. Just sayin’.

    Comment by delvaldawg — December 5, 2011 @ 10:48 am

  11. 8 – spencer

    The strip could use a sanity checker, but “it’s” = “it has”. Am I missing something else?

    Comment by Dale — December 5, 2011 @ 12:59 pm

  12. A 12 – 10 win on four field goals reminds me of the 1976 Disney movie “Gus,” about a field goal kicking mule that led another hapless team to victory. A forgettabble football season for Milford is done, now it’s time to find out how the soccer team is doing.

    Comment by Mudlarks Fan — December 5, 2011 @ 1:23 pm

  13. From “what cows?” to “Let’s go to the bucket and troll for some gash, I’m buyin'”…………If there was another game left he’d be running for class president.

    SemperFI…I was out of the country…belated happy marine corps birthday….

    Comment by Knoxy — December 5, 2011 @ 2:44 pm

  14. looks like someone saw my tom sellack comment on comics cumedeon .im surprised wildcat doesnt have to put a wire hanger on his radio to get marty moons broadcast clear . i think the signal only goes a 100 yards. finally is that derek tolans hand or is that marcie ducey on her knees checking out dereks plumbing

    Comment by mr12ozcan — December 5, 2011 @ 4:54 pm

  15. Wait a minute, did one character refer to another as a “tired cliche”? Is it possible Gil Thorp has become self-aware?

    In other news, “Glock Vodka–it’s shitty!”

    Comment by Donovan Hambone — December 5, 2011 @ 5:08 pm

  16. “You Asperger dudes”? Really? How many “Asperger dudes” does he know? Is Milford an Asperger magnet school?

    If so, maybe they can form a band, “The Asperger Dudes.” They could open for Backyard Tire Fire.

    Comment by J.D. Springer — December 5, 2011 @ 5:14 pm

  17. Dale @ 11 –

    Ah, I suppose it actually could be read that way. It seemed more natural to simply use the past tense there, even though it would technically be incorrect.

    So never mind.

    Comment by spencer — December 5, 2011 @ 5:50 pm

  18. I know it took a while to wrap up this obvious story arc but I can’t wait to see the next one start. Looks like Brody – or his evil twin – has sprouted chin pubes and gotten a tat. Hoops and hepatitis C ahead?

    Comment by delvaldawg — December 6, 2011 @ 5:59 am

  19. Five years from now and you’ll be writing about how the comic strip used to be good … five years ago. You’re all as annoying as Marty and Wildcat, at your computers having your own playdown right now. Milford at least scores every now and then.

    Comment by Becky — December 6, 2011 @ 7:37 am

  20. Hi Becky. I’ll provide one rebuttal: Five years from now, I will not be writing that this strip used to be good five years ago. I can assure you of that.

    Thanks for reading!

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — December 6, 2011 @ 7:42 am

  21. Time for Gil’s end of the season record report!

    The Mudlarks finish 1-8, 1-7 in the Valley Conference. This comes after three consecutive 6-3 seasons. Milford misses the playdowns for the 8th consecutive season (2003), and makes it an even decade since Gil has won a postseason football game (2001).

    The 2011 season in review
    Oakwood…….L…19-20
    Belle Plaine…L…14-16
    Tilden…………L…6-7
    Jefferson…….L…7-27
    Central……….L…14-37
    Goshen………L…10-26
    New Thayer..L…score unknown
    Madison……..L…lost by 6
    Valley Tech..W…12-10

    Since 2001, Gil’s record stands at 56 wins, 42 losses, 2 ties, and 2 unknown outcomes. His record within the Valley Conference in that time frame is 48-32-2 and 1 unknown outcome. Obviously, Gil has losing streaks against all of the Valley Conference except for Valley Tech. Most of the in-conference losing streaks stand at one game, but the losing streaks to Tilden and Goshen (a team Gil used to own) are at two games. Gil has lost 6 straight against Madison.

    Add Gil’s record since 2001 to his 1958-1993 record and it stands at 249-113-16 with 2 unknown outcomes and 7 Valley Conference championships. I haven’t been able to find anything on his record from 1994-2000.

    Comment by billytheskink — December 6, 2011 @ 8:02 am

  22. Five years from now, Gail Martin will still be the rock and roll Carole King. And Nutboys will still be shitty. Hronk!

    Comment by Dood — December 6, 2011 @ 8:43 am

  23. Billy, you da man!

    Comment by Dood — December 6, 2011 @ 8:44 am

  24. Tsk, tsk, tsk… Ease up, Becky!

    Comment by semperfi4evr — December 6, 2011 @ 9:26 am

  25. billytheskink makes a strong case for SID at Milford High or Marty’s replacement in the treehouse broadcast booth. Well done!

    Comment by delvaldawg — December 6, 2011 @ 10:28 am

  26. That means Billy would get to know Marjie Ducey and her raspberry beret. Who says the Milford SID job doesn’t have perks?

    Comment by Dood — December 6, 2011 @ 12:53 pm

  27. I’d like to post something, but everyone has already used my favorite lines! Check it! Count it! Bonk! HRONK! FOOZLE!

    Also: Playdowns?! Are you kidding me?! Playdowns?!

    Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — December 7, 2011 @ 1:40 am

  28. […] towards the latest one-dimensional villain in Milford! Hell, Gil already ran off Hobart and Wildcat with rousing nonsensical speeches…He’s way  overdue to go blather some self-righteous […]

    Pingback by Uppance coming…eventually. « This Week in Milford — March 7, 2012 @ 1:25 am

  29. […] one-dimensional evil Hobart, followed by the autumn of the cartoonishly one-dimensional evil Wildcat, followed by this winter’s attempt-to-be-cartoonishly one-dimensional evil [but really just […]

    Pingback by A year of cartoonishly one-dimensional evil non-Marty Moons? Bring on boring golf! « This Week in Milford — June 12, 2012 @ 11:11 am

  30. […] play Art is going to (hopefully hilariously) make. Gil has a long history of bringing his A game whenever anyone tries to make him take his job seriously, so hopefully the action is about to pick […]

    Pingback by Maybe The Standishes Cut Their Own Hair | This Week in Milford — September 2, 2014 @ 8:17 am

  31. […] Speaking of disconcerting, in a strip with a long history of poorly depicted high fives (seriously!), this one enters the canon and impels me […]

    Pingback by I Would Have Guessed That, At Some Point, A Permission Slip Of Some Sort Would Need To Have Been Signed | This Week in Milford — June 20, 2018 @ 7:58 am


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