This Week in Milford

March 10, 2012

Everybody’s Got A Racket


Wow, two days and two “big reveals”. The Rupert Hall from Dayton reveal was a delightfully unexpected and daffy and frankly, pretty damned awesome. So that’s a huge This Week in Milford win.

Today’s reveal: these DVDs aren’t illicit! They are repackaged, used copies of legitimately produced and sold DVDs! Well that’s just insane. Insane because it makes no logical sense. Nice racket? It actually sounds like the stupidest, least profitable racket I’ve ever heard of. The potential for this racket to succeed hinges upon compulsively stupid buyers. (Hey, didn’t I just see copies of that DVD at Movie Stop in the 3 for $10 bin? Yeah, but I wanna buy this one for $10. It’s a bootleg! That makes it better!)
What drives idiocy home further is that, if it’s the sheen of illegality that makes these “bootlegs” so attractive, why not do what every other teen in the world does and just download the movies through bit torrent? Wouldn’t that be better (cooler, cheaper, more “gangsta”) than having to hand your allowance to Rupert? Conclusion: kids in Milford are Homer Simpson stupid. They don’t grasp technology and they are easily swayed by puffed up weirdos.

Speaking of puffed up weirdos, nothing says Gil Thorp like Gil taking a righteous stand based on something as flimsy as what has been revealed this week. You’re right Rupe, you’ve done nothing illegal. But you are exploiting the youth of Milford by playing on their stupidity and naivete and Gil will not stand for that. That’s Gil’s racket.


So from the dizzying heights of stupidity, there’s nowhere to go but down as Gil’s smack down comes to it’s sanctimonious and stultifying conclusion. But wait, Rod Whigham saves the day with the final panel of Gil and Kaz reprising the roles of Danny Zucco and Kenickie from Grease. I’ll bet their gonna go work on Greased Lightning, then see if they can score with some assorted Pink Ladies!


  1. What a crushing letdown! We were so close to fist-of-justice action, and then it turns out the guy has done nothing illegal at all and Gil just looks like a dick. Business as usual.

    Although 3/10 p3 is potentially the gayest panel ever (not that there is anything wrong with that, of course).

    I think this could be the season for the summer hobo baseball players to show up at Milford – hobo baseball!

    Comment by Milfordian — March 10, 2012 @ 4:19 am

  2. LOL Ned, I agree, this has got to be the most insane plot twist ever.. I don’t know who’s stupider: Ransom/Rupert with his “fake”/not fake DVD racket and his phony Kiwi resume or Gil, acting all tough for exposing that Ransom/ Rupert was doing a lot of shady stuff, but nothing that would hold up in a court of law. Then Gil deciding that the “right fist o’ justice” wasn’t worth it and walking into the suset with Kaz. What a letdown. But at least we still have the awesomeness of this week to look back on.

    Ned, I think the only “pink Ladies” Kaz and Gil are going to see are in a glass at PUB.

    Speaking of greased lightning, just picture Kaz and Gil doing this:

    Comment by Regina — March 10, 2012 @ 6:24 am

  3. I hope so Regina!
    (I want to see Gil and Kaz tooling around Milford in their “pussy wagon”.)

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — March 10, 2012 @ 6:35 am

  4. Gil:”So, tell me, Rimjob, how do you make money off these DVDs?”
    Rambo:”I lose a little on each sale, but I make up for it in volume”
    GIL:”Is everyone from Dayton this fucking stupid?”
    Roscoe:”Eye mate, it’s a drawing point. That place will suck the intelligence out of you quicker than this strip. Shouldn’t you be prepping for the playdowns?”
    Gil:”PLAYDOWNS! Don’t talk to me about the PLAYDOWNS”

    Comment by Knoxy — March 10, 2012 @ 7:19 am

  5. Two high school coaches in leather jackets and tight jeans walk into a bar and order a couple pink ladies…

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — March 10, 2012 @ 8:38 am

  6. LOL Ned was the bar the Blue Oyster?

    Comment by Regina — March 10, 2012 @ 9:02 am

  7. Neal Rubin may be threatening the Guinness world record for “Most Stupidity in Six Frames of a Comic Strip.” My brain tried to escape while I was reading this. I had to stick a cork in my ear to keep it inside my skull.

    The capper is Gil’s refusal to leave a legitimate place of business and attempt to start a fight with the business owner. If he didn’t have the police chief in his pocket, he’d be in serious trouble himself.

    And the double capper is Gil’s confidence that if he tells the students the truth about Rupert, they’ll listen to him. Seems like a bad bet to me.

    The last panel, of two Not At All Gay Gay Gay Gay men sauntering into the sunset is an all-time classic. But it doesn’t come close to redeeming the Cornucopia Of Stupid in the five preceding panels.

    Comment by John S. Walters — March 10, 2012 @ 10:16 am

  8. “Wait, if we put him out of fashion won’t he just be competing with us for making the ‘Worst-Dressed in Milford’ list?”
    “No worries, Kaz, there’s plenty of room on that list. Now let’s go loiter in front of Lini Verde’s house again.”
    “Another typical Saturday night? I guess I’ll go call our Blue Oyster Bar cop buddy.”

    Comment by jasbeattie — March 10, 2012 @ 10:31 am

  9. Whoa, just noticed Rufus’ head did he have a lobotomy and the hair on the top of his head didn’t grow back?

    Comment by Regina — March 10, 2012 @ 2:15 pm

  10. After weeks on end of unintelligible action, we finally have a classic TWIM wrap-up! There is highlight idiocy here to rival the kid in the tree. Did Rimbaud the tattooist actually do anything illegal? No, and IT DOESN’T MATTER. Confirmation of what we have all suspected: Milford exists in a parallel dimension, one in which Gil can expose an evildoer and the coaches drift off at the end of the story looking like two Village People impersonators.

    This New York thing is getting to be fun. Like Jules, I did not grow up in New York but upstate, but have spent a lot of time there. To keep up my cred, in fact, I ran a red light over on Ninth Avenue just a couple of weeks ago: hey– don’t block da box.


    “My beer is Rhinegoldl, the dry beer!
    Think of Rhinegold whenever you buy beer!”

    Sounds German, which was the whole idea, but it was brewed in Queens and was just cheaply awful. And by putting the jingle to the tune of an Emil Waldteufel waltz, they created an earworm to rival the Lone Ranger’s appropriation of Wilhelm Tell.

    Comment by vaganova — March 10, 2012 @ 2:24 pm

  11. Moss on my teeth: Reingold “It’s not bitter not sweet, extra dry flavored treat. Won’t you try Extra Dry Reingold Beer?”
    And good ol’ Caldor. Name from the founders: Calvin and Dorothy. Those were the days, my friend…

    Ditto re Insane Plot. Gildo was in the service all right. Food Service washing dishes or Cities Service pumping gas..

    Comment by semperfi4evr — March 10, 2012 @ 4:46 pm

  12. OMG, I remember Mel Allen pitching Ballantine beer on the Yankee games. I’m from the Bronx, but don’t count me as a Skankies fan. I’m more of a Mudlarks gal. We use to have Alexander’s there and they had some cheesy ads on TV. Now that I’m in Maine I have even cheesier ads up here. (THE FURNITURE SUPERSTORE! THE FURNITURE SUPERSTORE! THE FURNITURE SUPERSTORE!) But nothing’s more funnier or creepier than this guy…

    Comment by Regina — March 10, 2012 @ 5:32 pm

  13. SemperFi, Regina, you are wonders both. Regina, I have not thought of Mel “Mushmouth” Allen in years. But we have to stop talking about New York or we’ll alienate every Milfordian who doesn’t smell bus exhaust at the mention of “Gun Hill Road.”

    Comment by vaganova — March 10, 2012 @ 6:20 pm

  14. And Regina, you are absolutely right that there is nothing funnier or creepier than the guy in the bottom left corner. Classic local/regional ad.

    Comment by vaganova — March 10, 2012 @ 6:23 pm

  15. This storyline will be tough to top in terms of serving up stink on toast, but after all, this is Gil Thorp we’re talking about.

    Comment by Dood — March 10, 2012 @ 6:29 pm

  16. Rupert buys DVDs at Movie Stop for $7 and sells them for $5. However Rupert secretly owns Movie Stop and so he is paying himself a profit of $2.75 on each DVD Movie Stop buys for $4.25, allowing him to eat the $2 loss with 75 cents to spare. Rupert is also Movie Stop’s supplier, selling them DVDs he buys in Dayton at $1 apiece, bringing his total profit to $4 on each DVD. And everybody has a share.

    Comment by mdblanche — March 10, 2012 @ 11:34 pm

  17. Coed coffee table step show, kickin’ over high balls made from bottom shelf brands of hooch specifically formulated for drink in the back of a truck barreling down the interstate (the kind favored by alcoholic pappaps and square jawed gym coaches wearing costumes claimed from the lost and found at a San Francisco bus station). Hey watch out for that cheese plate! Maybe rent an extra coffee table next time.

    Alright, let’s drop the needle on the record, let’s summon Terpsichore and shake what our mamma’s gave us. Better livin’ through boogaloo is what my Grandpappy said half way through his Canadian Mist, the perfect beverage for traversing South Carolina. Dance to the rhythms of kids in trees, bags of grass, candy bar larceny, assless chaps, at flatbed folk jamborees (now featuring Fizzling Smokebomb: The Backyard Tire Fire Experience. Summon Mr. Bakst from his four years of wandering the nation, looking for Milford and coming up empty every time.

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — March 11, 2012 @ 6:56 am

  18. Beautiful, Ned!

    Comment by jules — March 11, 2012 @ 1:50 pm

  19. As we Irish-Scandie sorts say, Ned, just fookin’ brilliant.

    Comment by vaganova — March 11, 2012 @ 4:16 pm

  20. “Summon Mr. Bakst” sounds like an excellent rock song title.

    Comment by Dood — March 12, 2012 @ 8:00 am

  21. Welp, that’s a wrap. On to spring, and nubile teens doing stretches for your entertainment.

    Comment by John S. Walters — March 12, 2012 @ 10:27 am

  22. 3/13: Oh great, Recycled Gil Thorp Plotline #4, “great athlete who doesn’t want to come out for the team, but will change his/her mind through the deft application of Thorp Magic.” I can’t hardly wait.

    Comment by jvwalt — March 13, 2012 @ 9:19 am

  23. And sadly there is no resolutuion on this plot line for poor Kitten. Maybe we will find out that she was a very good softball player, ready to help the Lady Mudlarks and Tasha and teammates with more tats and it can take some sort of Josh Hamilton redemption story line. But with no Warner Wolf “let’s go to the videotape….”

    Comment by Mudlarks Fan — March 13, 2012 @ 9:23 am

  24. […] chocolate going? Is it straight up barter or are there additional steps in between? Are tattoos and legit DVDs doctored to look fake somehow […]

    Pingback by They seem confident, but Toby’s looking a little jaundiced tbh | This Week in Milford — January 21, 2023 @ 10:07 pm

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