This Week in Milford

April 17, 2012

S-mart S-hoppers S-uck

Filed under: baseball, Boredom in Milford, freak hands, Milford Idiots — jasbeattie @ 11:58 pm


…meanwhile, at the Smarmy Shop S-Mart 24-7, (“Home of the inconveniently placed, yet exceptionally well-branded outdoor garbage receptacles”) our two heroes jackasses are enjoying refreshing Nutboy-flavored Freezys (“The’re frozenly shitty!”)

What better way to show the cool youthful spirit of a modern teenager than having one of them quote a 34-year old movie? Maybe their next stop will be swinging my Ransom Hale’s tattoo parlor to get a bootleg copy of Animal House on Betamax…Right after a quick stop to the hospital, as Big Bob Stupid has has managed to insert his straw into his head without first opening his mouth. Brilliant work!


Speaking of poor time management skills, anyone else think this plot really needed to  depict yet another rejection of Dinky the Capp by Momma Darby? Unless they’re showing us evidence for an upcoming restraining order, I don’t think we need to be clubbed over the head with this concept. Yeah, she  doesn’t like douchy Dinny.WE GET IT, NEAL.


Oh good. Now Jackass 2 is on deck.

But first, there’s the league opener, with first baseman Parker Bowen ready to roll with his ‘roided up arms, ill-fitting helmet, and magical ability to hold the bat without actually touching it. Good luck, Parker! Even if your brim is completely blocking your vision, I’m sure you won’t strike out as many times as Big Bob Stupid will.


  1. I’ll give ’em a pass for quoting Animal House – maybe they appreciate the classics. The levitating bat, however, is just wrong.

    Comment by teenchy — April 18, 2012 @ 6:07 am

  2. Ranson Hale sells bootleg Betamax tapes in PAL, to keep up the whole New Zealand persona.

    Comment by billytheskink — April 18, 2012 @ 6:49 am

  3. I am 100% in love with the tiny, Chicago-font “Milford” arcing across Parker Bowen’s chest.

    Comment by jules — April 18, 2012 @ 7:13 am

  4. momma darby is hoping slim chance asks her out because he must be getting rich opening for backyard tire fire.i was hoping the retarted placekicker would have made the team he would have been a good bullpen catcher . cherrio

    Comment by mr12ozcan — April 18, 2012 @ 4:44 pm

  5. What day is it? I just woke up from an Old Grandad induced coma that started shortly after the despair of the poop filled diaper last week. Is coma posting a thing?

    Comment by nedryerson — April 18, 2012 @ 4:48 pm

  6. Ned! You’ve invented coma posting! Here, let me make you a Nutboy Smoothie. They’re shitty!

    Comment by jules — April 18, 2012 @ 5:04 pm

  7. Parker Bowen Can’t Lose! HRONK!

    I wish it were 2007 again. Tyler Jay. Gail Martin. Those were the good old days. FOOZLE!

    Comment by Don, the Rebel without a Blog — April 18, 2012 @ 8:12 pm

  8. Jason: I think those are used needle receptacles, not trash cans.

    Comment by Milfordian — April 19, 2012 @ 7:12 am

    TATTOOS 80% OFF!!


    Comment by Rob — April 19, 2012 @ 6:11 pm

  10. Forecasting Jackass #2’s pickup line: “Hey,momma, you haven’t lived until you’ve had some of Big Bob’s Stuff!”

    (A kick in the ‘nads quickly folllows.)

    Comment by jvwalt — April 19, 2012 @ 8:43 pm

  11. What is with Dinty Moore’s hair on 4/17 and 4/18? For the love of God, put the cap back on!

    Comment by J.D. Springer — April 19, 2012 @ 9:28 pm

  12. Big Bob “Stuff” in….Chasing Darby. Darby, teen mom with a passion…a passion for balls.

    Comment by nedryerson — April 19, 2012 @ 9:39 pm

  13. […] that raccoon roadkill I saw up the street?” “No, I think it’s  one of those giant S-Mart garbage bins, right?” “All of you are wrong…that has to be the taxidermized remains of your […]

    Pingback by OK, who let the baby hog out of the bag? « This Week in Milford — April 24, 2012 @ 11:48 pm

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