This Week in Milford

July 18, 2012

Luckily, Gil is a hands-off kind of coach.

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, freak hands, golf — jasbeattie @ 12:02 am


“I kind of lied, Coach. Steve isn’t doing so well.”
“Too bad, Kip. Which one is Steve? Is he the country-singing closeted gay illegal immigrant  whose brother is in prison?”
Wow, uh…no. I was gonna say, he’s the one who’s all messed in the head, but you seem to have that one wrapped up. He was in the army and now has PTSD or something. He currently lives in the coat closet at my house.”
“Oh…STEVE. I gotcha. Well you give him a message for me, Chet.”
“My name is Noah.”
“Well, you tell Chet to come on down, I can set him up doing some free coaching for me. That seems to solve most of my problems. Or does he need me to give some self-righteous B.S. speech telling him why he sucks? Because that’s what I do if the free coaching thing doesn’t work.”


“Hey Steve! I need my poncho from in there. Oh, and Coach Thorp threatened to send some crazy f**king Marine to the house if you didn’t go coach for free for him. At first I thought he was referring to himself, but then I remembered he was a boxer in the army, not the Marines. Plus, I think he fought in the Spanish-American war. So you should get down there…mainly ’cause he’s batshit insane.”


Hey everyone, I hope you’re ready for another round of “Gil Thorp mocks an amputee!” What, you didn’t know that was a thing? It’s a thing. (Gil’s such a dick when he’s sober.)

Good thing for Steve’s fragile psyche, we know Gil must be hammered…it’s after 10 AM and he’s awake and stumbling around the driving range with untalented local midgets. That’s not sober Gil. Still, I’d say the over-under on how soon he has Steve doing his coaching job is about three days.


  1. Mimi:”Wow. So what did you tell Noah?”
    Gil:”I gave him a message for Steve”
    Mimi:”What did you tell him?”
    Gil:”I told him about an incident when I was in the Air Force. It was Christmas Eve and I found myself in a cathouse in Subic bay with 3 hookers and a bottle of mazzola oil”
    Mimi”That helps him, how?”
    Gil:”I don’t know about him, but it always puts a smile on MY face when I think about it”

    Comment by Knoxy — July 18, 2012 @ 6:16 am

  2. Former Marine aviator? Good one, Gil.

    Comment by Dood — July 18, 2012 @ 7:04 am

  3. A long time fan on here pointed out to me a while back that Gil’s Army boxing story is inconsistent with pretty much the rest of the strip’s history, where Gil is an ex-Marine.

    What’s sad is that this short storyline is most likely going to be handled better than either the loss-of-limb or PTSD stories from Funky Winkerbean…

    Comment by billytheskink — July 18, 2012 @ 7:11 am

  4. Damn it all, does this mean Sergeant Hatred isn’t going to make a guest appearance??

    Comment by jules — July 18, 2012 @ 7:47 am

  5. Somebody should check the ground water in Milford to see if that is the cause for these creatures. Tessa is 8 and the same size as Jaxxxsoxxon.

    Comment by Knoxy — July 18, 2012 @ 8:20 am

  6. 7/18 P3: Steve:”Hey Coach, what’s new?”
    [drunk]Gil: “Howdy stranger; you should play golf; you’ve already got a handicap!”

    Comment by semperfi4evr — July 18, 2012 @ 9:42 am

  7. There’s a smile on Gil’s face, ’cause he’s just big on his work-avoidance scheme for the summer: “Hmmm, the guy lost an arm. How can he possibly coach golf for me? Hey, I know, I’ll use the old ‘you can do anything if you just try’ spiel!”

    #3 billytheskink: Not only will this strip handle the subject more sensitively than Funky Winkerbean — it’ll be FUNNIER too.

    Comment by John Walters (@johnswalters) — July 18, 2012 @ 10:51 am

  8. Knoxy, was one of those hookers named Minnie?

    Comment by Ned Ryerson — July 18, 2012 @ 11:21 am

  9. I could go for a story centered around Brimhat Cigarchomp. “So then I tells, Gil, ‘Gil, try not to get whacked by that eight-year-old.’ Effin’ kids.”

    Comment by Dood — July 18, 2012 @ 1:41 pm

  10. OK, I guess we all went back to be sure Steve is not depicted with a left arm in any recent strip. I did because in the final frame above I wasn’t sure if the Chief simply forgot to draw an arm or what.

    So. A Marine a-vi-a-tore. In the early days of GT (late fifties, early sixties) Gil flew his own airplane, kind of like “Sky King Takes up Coaching.” But I don’t remember if part of the deal was that he had flown in the Marines. And we will probably not find out now, since the time blur involved in this strip means that Gil is not eighty years old, which he would have to be if he had, say, flown with Ted Williams in Korea.

    In any case we appear to have two former officers about to embark on something or other. We are protected from the inevitable Army/Marine Corps scrum by the fact Steve is disabled and Gil is the oldest gym teacher in this quadrant of the galaxy.

    Comment by vaganova — July 18, 2012 @ 2:31 pm

  11. maybe one arm johnson lost his arm at the army bowling hall one drunken night by sticking his arm in the ball return then passing out since he was with his troops not other officrs they just left him there all night to his arm went bingo

    Comment by mr12ozcan — July 18, 2012 @ 3:34 pm

  12. Ned, been to Subic bay, ey?

    Comment by Knoxy — July 18, 2012 @ 7:02 pm

  13. Oh shit, I just realized that scuzzy Steve is missing an arm. I must be as drunk as Gil to have missed that one! Gil seems deliriously happy that he’s the one not running around with no left arm. I’m dying how he’s going to get one armed Steve to do his coaching work with the mutant midget team. (Maybe hold the golf club in his mouth.)

    The role of McMustache Mccigar is being played by Mean Gene Okerlund.

    Comment by reginathenydiva — July 19, 2012 @ 4:45 pm

  14. vaganova@12: Gil didn’t just fly with the Splinter, he stole his look! That’s how Ted’s head ended up in a jar…oh wait…

    Comment by teenchy — July 20, 2012 @ 4:43 am

  15. Hey one-armed Steve, figure out how to open the cooler and get a drink while I cow-tow to these 8-year old yippy brats!
    See ya!
    Wouldn’t want to be ya!

    Comment by Gil'sBarber — July 20, 2012 @ 4:27 pm

  16. And on the next episode … Scandal regarding furnishing water bottles to unauthorized personnel!

    Gil: “Yeah, we furnish free water bottles for all amputee Vets, but we can’t figure out how to get reimbursement from the Feds.”

    Comment by Gil'sBarber — July 20, 2012 @ 4:34 pm

  17. “Hey Steve, can you give me a hand…oops..awkward.”

    Comment by Regina — July 21, 2012 @ 7:00 am

  18. 16. Gil’s Barberian Person – glad you noticed that. Next time I go to grocery store I expect : grab some beer, plastic bags with chocolate candy in them and keep the metal thing with round rolling support parts. TNX for your patronage LOL.

    Comment by Dale — July 21, 2012 @ 1:45 pm

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