This Week in Milford

October 25, 2012

Spiderman Called, Marjie. He Wants His Office Back.

Filed under: Boredom in Milford, Marjie Ducey, Milford Idiots — nedryerson @ 4:31 am


“Gallagher’s rooting section, aren’t they those people that sit in the front row under visqueen to protect them from flying chunks of watermelon?”
“No, I said Terry Gallagher. I don’t know if you’ve heard of him, but he’s kind of a big deal. He’s an Irish kid, covers the opposition’s passing game like an…like an Irish spring…wait, that one still needs some work. If you want some killer puns and stuff for the expose, I’ve got some that are gold. Gold, Marjie, gold! Now can I get your email? I want to send you Terry’s press kit.”
“Yeah, I might look into that. Look, I’m working on a deadline here so I gotta run. Thanks for the tip, Durwood.”
“It’s Dane, Doyle Dane. Um, your email?”


“The plan is coming together. We’re about to achieve media saturation that’s going to make Honey Boo Boo look like Thomas Pynchon!”
“What? Who? Do those people play your American kickball game also? Why are you talking to me when you’re not a comely lass that wants me to roll her over in the clover? Who are you anyway?”


“What? Are you still talking to me? Listen Dudley, I don’t even know what’s going on out there on that grid thing. There’s guys in stripes throwing flags at me. There’s that boozer over to the side yelling at me is some crazy yank slang. And that guy with the missing arm is probably about to go on a killing spree. I don’t know about your story, and unless Milford Star is another one of these babes that wants to see me swing my shillelagh, I could give a toss.”

Two Days Later…

There’s really only one joke for this part and it’s been done to perfection already:



  1. Er…uh… doesn’t Marjie Ducey cover Milford football? Wouldn’t she, like, attend games and stuff? Mightn’t she have already seen Doyle Dung’s rooting section, Terry’s outbursts of malevolent brilliance AND his near-complete ignorance of the game? Wouldn’t she already know who Milford’s best players are?

    Or does Marjie just show up once a season to hear Gil rattle off the starting lineup and then “cover” the team from her spacious corner office?

    (Well, to be fair, the corner office at the Milford Star isn’t exactly the most desirable place to be, what with the panoramic view of lovely downtown Milford and all. “Hey, look! I can see all the empty, boarded-up storefronts!”)

    This is where we really need Marty Moon to come back. He’d be the perfect one to latch onto Gallagher and drive a wedge between him and the rest of the team. Unleash Marty Moon!

    Comment by John Walters (@johnswalters) — October 25, 2012 @ 5:36 am

  2. Ned….kudos to you for making chicken soup out of chicken shit. The blog has been great, even though this plot is mind numbing. Can anyone come up with ANY reason for double douche to be on this campaign? It makes less sense than Mr. Baskt announcing he’s going to Charlestown and vanishing. I think we all picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue…….

    Comment by Knoxy — October 25, 2012 @ 5:59 am

  3. I have no idea where this story arc is going, so I’m just going to imagine it ends with Doyle Dane getting elected governor of Connecticut.

    Comment by billytheskink — October 25, 2012 @ 7:04 am

  4. Apropos of nothing, I do hope the Milford Star gives Marjie Ducey one of those “miscellaneous news and notes” columns favored by sportswriters as a quick way to fill space. They could call it “Droppin’ a Ducey.”

    Comment by John Walters (@johnswalters) — October 25, 2012 @ 7:43 am

  5. He couldn’t possibly do a worse job than the current governor….Danal Malloy. Unless your last name is Boone, no one should be named Danal……..

    Comment by Knoxy — October 25, 2012 @ 8:14 am

  6. But Knoxy, Connecticut has a chance to elect a governor whose entire background consists of promoting professional “wrestling!” Perfect background for setting a good moral example while running a complicated bureaucracy and staying out of war with Rhode Island.

    Comment by vaganova — October 25, 2012 @ 5:07 pm

  7. That moron is running for the senate…….four years ago she spent 58 million of her own money and lost….this time it’s about 30….you know she’s in it for the power trip…and behind by 6 points. The only good to come out of it is that she was shamed into paying back the creditors she stiffed when declaring bankruptcy years ago….maybe if she went to Milford and coached wrestling…..

    Comment by Knoxy — October 25, 2012 @ 7:10 pm

  8. But I suspect high school wrestling in Milford is on the level, with no connection to “wrestling”

    Comment by vaganova — October 25, 2012 @ 7:37 pm

  9. I dunno… maybe she should win. ‘Twould be great theater to see her kickin’ dissenting senators in the jewels!

    Comment by semperfi4evr — October 26, 2012 @ 7:02 am

  10. Ha – they’re reading Marjie’s story on an IPad!! In Goshen too! Lot of laughs at least. You can tell the team is not liking all this Irish attention.

    Comment by Rob — October 26, 2012 @ 4:03 pm

  11. when will chip visci ” s biggest fan be at the bucket again or did he disappear with mr baskt ? marcy darcey sure has aged i guess trying to keep up with gil at pub is breaking her down.

    Comment by mr12ozcan — October 26, 2012 @ 5:43 pm

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