This Week in Milford

October 31, 2012

The Plot Squickens

Filed under: actual action, football, sucking face, The Bucket, Trainer Rick Scott — nedryerson @ 3:49 am


There’s not much to look at here. (Dynamite face mask though, Rod. It looks like something from this century.) A couple of Goshen’s jokers tabling Terry Gallagher. Is this tabling? Sandwiching? Maybe a Celtic chop block or an Irish teabag? Either way, Terry is entering a world of pain. Trainer Rick Scott is quick to dispense the smelling salts, but they seem to be missing from his trainer kit. This is, of course, not unusual. Trainer Rick Scott can’t seem to remember the last time he ever could find smelling salts when he needed them.

“Any idea what happens to the all the smelling salt, Gil? It’s as if somebody who was perpetually on the verge of losing consciousness was hoarding them and using them to keep themselves from passing out.”
“The smelling salts. Gil? Have you seen them?”
“Yeah. Um, no. Smelling salts. Order some more.”
“Yeah, sure Gil.”


Doyle Dane, Schmoyle Schmane, what about the outcome of the game?  If Milford won that game, that should make them 4-1 (with wins over Oakwood, Goshen, Tilden and Jefferson, and the lone loss to Ballard). The team is flirting with respectability!

Some of us have money on these things! Some of us also have prop bets on how many different lasses are going to all but force Terry Gallagher to the Bucket. Enter Madeline “Maddie” Wernicke, the latest enthusiast for the adorable Irish import.

“I was so worried when you got hurt.”
“Just my head, Maddy. Nothing important. You know that smoodle pinkered Goshen’s land grant college. Nearly blarneyed me bollocks!”
“Oh Terry, even your aphasia is adorable!”
“Miss, substitute my word salad for thee Bucket fries?”


Oh, I’m sorry, it’s Maddie Wiebe. Like it matters. She’s clearly just another prop in this turgid drama.

Speaking of turgid, hey, isn’t that Doyle Dane, putting the finishing touches on a marketing masterpiece? So he made some signs, spin doctored a bit with the Milford minority that can give a crap what’s going on with the football team and made a call getting Terry’s name in the paper. Whatever could be the final touches to this masterpiece? (Let’s leave off the “why” question. Clearly Ding Dong is just nucking futs.) If this turns out to be part of Doyle Dane’s long term plan to hook up with Mia Meeks, well, that would actually be the appropriate level of nonsense for a Gil Thorp plot.



  1. 10/29 panel 2: Illegal block in the back by #77, offense, anyone?

    Are “smelling salts” the new “bath salts”?

    Comment by teenchy — October 31, 2012 @ 4:46 am

  2. Aha, it becomes clear now. Doyle Dung’s master plan is, a spicy-video website for people too timid to surf for real porn. And starring the Irish Ironman, Terry Gallagher. And a cast of hundreds of Milford’s best teen sluts!

    Comment by jvwalt — October 31, 2012 @ 7:59 am

  3. The Goshen game is going to have to go down in Milford Mudlark Record Book.xlsx as an Unknown-Likely Win until Rubin writes out an overall record or mentions Milford being in playdown position.

    If there’s one thing Rubin’s been good at, it’s been giving us a definitive or easily assumed outcome of a game. The Record Book’s last unknown outcome before this one happened back when Jerry B. Jenkins wrote the strip.

    Oh yeah, something something comment on plot or whatever.

    Comment by billytheskink — October 31, 2012 @ 8:28 am

  4. I feel cheated by the 10/29 collision panel. Whacky sound effects are part of what make Gil Thorp enjoyable to read/mock and that picture just calls out for some sort of semi-deranged onomatopoeic expression. Oh well.

    Comment by TimP — October 31, 2012 @ 2:40 pm

  5. To paraphrase the famous Nimitz to Halsey message (Leyte Gulf) “MILFORD 10 GOSHEN 0 WHERE IS REGINA THE WORLD WONDERS.

    Comment by vaganova — October 31, 2012 @ 3:21 pm

  6. No wacky sound effects and no tacklers within 3 feet of his head.

    Comment by gwilo — October 31, 2012 @ 4:13 pm

  7. You know, gwilo, I was wondering about that. Concussions usually come from a blow to the head…

    Comment by vaganova — October 31, 2012 @ 4:15 pm

  8. Perhaps Regina has gone to Charleston to hang out with Mr. Baskt.

    Comment by semperfi4evr — November 1, 2012 @ 8:09 am

  9. I am waiting with keen anticipation to find out what Doyle Douche’s marketing masterpiece is. I have no idea what that is in Milford or what purpose it serves.

    Comment by Bobby Joe — November 1, 2012 @ 10:53 am

  10. Now you’ve been suckered in too, bobby joe. The charm of TWIM consists in part of waiting with keen anticipation for things that never happen. You read it here first– when it is approximately time for for basketball to begin, Whigrub will let the air out of this sorry plot and it away like an inflatable goblin, replacing it with an inflatable lawn Santa.

    Comment by vaganova — November 1, 2012 @ 3:22 pm

  11. How long is halftime?? (Also a quarter, but that’s not relevant)
    Shouldn’t Terry be in the locker room – talking with players and coaches; taking care of bodily functions?

    Comment by Dale — November 3, 2012 @ 11:28 am

  12. No – at halftime of a homecoming game, any player in the homecoming court stands with the rest of the group in case his date is elected queen. He is then the king. Thats how it worked in my school – no junior/senior separation. The team does their halftime stuff beforehand.

    Comment by Rob — November 3, 2012 @ 7:08 pm

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