This Week in Milford

July 1, 2014

Time To Stop Drinking And Start Hurling

Filed under: Coach Kaz, hideous scar faces, Milford Idiots — timbuys @ 4:06 am

July 1, 2014

070114

Much like a Charterstone pool party punctuates each episode of Mary Worth, we here in Milford always kick of the lazy days of summer by getting blotto on an improvised mixture of bottom shelf rotgut vodka and store brand lemonade mix. However, after a good day or three of inebriated lollygagging, everyone knows that it’s time to stop sipping, purge our systems and get down to the deadly serious business of playing ‘touch football in shorts’.

Living in Texas as I do but not being a native, I have had the state’s obsession with football explained to me a couple of different ways – For example, I have been told that the three most popular sports in Texas are football, spring football with baseball a distant third. Accordingly, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to hear that scouts do indeed attend even the lowest level least organized games here. I’m somewhat more dubious about those prospects in Milford, where the team hasn’t won anything in years and, as we’ve been given no indication that Kaz has actually led any practices so far, is about to undertake a game with little to no preparation.

I’m even more dubious about the collegiate prospects of any of the young men depicted in panel three all of whom have the oddest ways of grasping their respective drinking vessels. The beanpole wearing a black t-shirt in the middle of summer has a particularly odd grip and, based on both that and the fact that he seems to think this is his ticket to a scholarship at a Division III school, is my early nominee for dumbest idiot of this summer’s plot. We’ll see how that pays out, though, as I’m sure he’ll face plenty of competition in the days to come.

Bonus point: Any guesses how Coach Kaz gashed himself while shaving? I’m thinking he’s old school and uses a straight razor.

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6 Comments »

  1. Mmmmm, Crystal Light ‘n Popov… the summer drink choice of hobos everywhere.

    Comment by John S. Walters — July 1, 2014 @ 5:39 am

  2. Razor gashes? When Mia got her three I posited that she was using a Gillette Mach3. When Marty got his bloody five, a Gillette Fusion. Since we’re setting the table for everything being done on the cheap here, I’d guess that Kaz is grooming those burnrows with a generic three-blade disposable from Target.

    Comment by teenchy — July 1, 2014 @ 7:40 am

  3. Will the beady eyed geeky looking dude in the black T-shirt be the star of the summer???

    Comment by Rowdyman — July 1, 2014 @ 7:54 am

  4. I’m a white port and lemon juice man myself. (Ooh, what it’ll do to you!)

    Comment by nedryerson — July 1, 2014 @ 8:12 am

  5. So, I’m pretty sure that Ned is trying to bait me into posting something from my extensive Frank Zappa collection, but instead, I’ll give you Daryl Hall

    Comment by timbuys — July 1, 2014 @ 7:39 pm

  6. I must be behind the times: “seven man” is a new one for me. Six man and eight man have been around for fifty years or more and have been popular with small schools. But those are tackle, where this is seven man touch. No wonder the college scouts are watching– they wonder what the eff Kaz is thinking too.

    This looks like preparation for some screwy Mfnrd formation in the fall, but as the saying goes, it’s better than golf.

    Comment by vaganova — July 1, 2014 @ 10:52 pm


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