This Week in Milford

July 31, 2014

Scenes from Janet’s Diner

July 31, 2014


I am sitting
Here in Milford
At the diner
Named for Janet
I am drinking
A Coke bought me
By a kid
Named Truman Standish

We were talking
About college
And before
I mention EMU
I am looking
O’er my shoulder
At somebody
Coming in

It is only
Austin Shuford
He’s a run-
ning back for Milford
He is looking
For a cold drink
They don’t have them
At his practice

And I look
The other way
As they are shaking
Their hellos
And I’m pretending
Not to notice
His moustache
Like Groucho Marx

I open
Up the whiskey
And I slip it
In my soda
I might die
While I am drinking
Might be better
Than this blather

And I’m tuning
Out the niceties
And thinking
About Mimi
Will she feed me
More potato salad?
I hope
Not for God’s sake

There stands Shuford
With his cold drink
Leaning too close
To True Standish
No he does not
Really know True
‘Cause he does
Not watch Coast football

And I’m trying
Not to notice
That his cup’s not
From this diner
What if I
Asked him where it came from?
“It came
from Marty Moon”

“Oh, I grew
Up on the freeways”
“Have you heard of
Luckey Haskins?
“I am mov-
ing to the Valley”
I am thinking
Of Mimi…

And of the ‘tater salad
And the swimming pool
Before the two-a-days

And I finish up my soda
And it’s time to hang with Kaz


  1. Hard to follow that up with anything other than applause.

    Comment by billytheskink — July 31, 2014 @ 7:08 am

  2. That was a mighty fine piece of literature. Austin needed a cold drink because Milford is old school. Water is for wusses and yes you may have another salt pill.

    Comment by Jive Turkey — July 31, 2014 @ 8:11 am

  3. Janet’s Diner, where a chicken-fried “steak” of mysterious provenance will set you back $5.97. That’s good eatin’!

    Comment by John S. Walters — July 31, 2014 @ 9:07 am

  4. Golf clap!
    Should-be-at-the-golf-course-but-I’m-at-the-diner clap!

    Wow. Really something to wake up to. Great job.

    Comment by Moon Mullins — July 31, 2014 @ 9:12 am

  5. My God, it’s full of stars. No words. They should have sent a poet.

    Comment by lauramac — July 31, 2014 @ 10:38 am

  6. Only yesterday, the Times ran a piece about how between the US and the various states, we have 45 poet laureates right now. Few could run with Teenchy… Bravo.

    Comment by vaganova — July 31, 2014 @ 2:43 pm

  7. Is Tru doing research on all the individual players?

    Comment by Dale — July 31, 2014 @ 4:40 pm

  8. Dale, we did I think see True sitting in the bleachers with False, making verbal notes on the Mfnrd players. Since I do not recognize the name Austin Shuford, I think he was probably not mentioned by name in that strip.

    Comment by vaganova — July 31, 2014 @ 5:23 pm

  9. I had to wait all day after reading this to comment so please allow me to echo the others: this was absolutely fantastic. You have taken the snark to another level. Well done, sir!

    Comment by timbuys — July 31, 2014 @ 7:38 pm

  10. Thanks. I hinted this was coming in Monday’s comments, but it was all done in one take yesterday morning.

    Comment by teenchy — August 1, 2014 @ 3:36 am

  11. vaganova –

    Does 7-on-7 have running backs? If so, why no blocking?
    I never heard of the game until this story started. Don’t think I want to hear about again.

    Comment by Dale — August 1, 2014 @ 3:53 pm

  12. All skill-position players in 7 on 7. No linemen. Yes they have running backs, who have to block blitzing LB’s or safeties when they’re not carrying the ball or running flare routes as outlet receivers.

    Comment by robmize2013 — August 1, 2014 @ 4:46 pm

  13. Also, the RB’s will catch screen passes, but those plays arent used in 7 on 7 due to no linemen setting up the screen.

    Comment by robmize2013 — August 1, 2014 @ 4:48 pm

  14. I agree, Dale– I never want to hear of “seven man” again. Now it’s clear, though, that it was just Whigrub’s way of starting the tootball plot in July. At least we’ll be spared the thousand lost golf balls.

    Comment by vaganova — August 1, 2014 @ 7:05 pm

  15. […] Marty even knows about The Truman Show. Probably spent his summer redecorating his crate and passing out drink cups. “That’s why I’m the coach and you’re the microphone talking guy, […]

    Pingback by Better Living Through Marty | This Week in Milford — August 28, 2014 @ 5:14 am

  16. […] glance yesterday I thought we’d returned to Janet’s Diner for another opportunity to riff on Suzanne Vega. Then I realized the two venues don’t look exactly the same. Maybe the awning fell off […]

    Pingback by Nothing More Than Feelings | This Week in Milford — July 18, 2015 @ 8:39 am

  17. […] days when I post here and I feel like I’ve done a fair job of it. Other days, not so much. Song parodies can be hit or miss. I think one hallmark of TWIM‘s overall success (relatively speaking, of […]

    Pingback by This Week in Milford — November 28, 2015 @ 10:38 am

  18. […] have left the Field in Milford for the diner Named for Janet ‘Least I think it’s Janet’s Diner ‘Cause it don’t Look like The […]

    Pingback by Return to Janet’s Diner? | This Week in Milford — August 5, 2017 @ 11:02 am

  19. […] we’ve left the Milford School Board For the diner Named for Janet Oh, I never Really ate here But my boyfriend Recommends […]

    Pingback by Not Janet’s Diner Again!?! | This Week in Milford — August 14, 2019 @ 11:23 am

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